“My reality check bounced.”

“A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.”

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!”

“I may be crazy, but at least I have each other.”

“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.”

“I’m not procrastinating, I’m simply prioritizing my mental health.”

“I’m not late, everyone else is just early.”

“I told my therapist about you.”

“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”

“My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 tabs are open at all times.”

“I’m not short-tempered, I just have a fast reaction to bullshit.” HOW TO MAKE SOMEONE FEEL GUILTY FOR HURTING YOU QUOTES

“I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested.”

“I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”

“I need a six-month vacation, twice a year.”

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just social distancing from drama.”

“I’m not absent-minded. It’s just that my mind is in a constant state of wander.”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“I’m not crazy. I prefer the term ‘mentally hilarious.'”

“I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.”

“I don’t need anger management. I just need people to stop pissing me off.”

“I’m not a doctor, but I do have the ability to prescribe laughter as the best medicine.”