![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVW1HL2IyU21mZXdlN0M1TFhleFN6RU5oRnJWbjluc3JVSmhaMEJOb2Q0YmljVStDVTlXUlNaZ25qamxjN1ljMHZ3TUhSMXRkaDc0a2NzSDdaeGo4UnR0QVZ3TmNlWHJBRmx1aDZMQVE1ZE9FNnVZa0Y0bU4yWUVNK3JVZUw3WHJNeVhCRkVSc2V2NnR1RWFONTVnVW1pRmdyK0pNOUR6MkUyY1R5cDZ2MGlpdUYxRFBpd1VnaFpsQ1dzUEF2SWRtZUREMHdLbUlDclFXTFVQV1NGR05SMD0%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(69150053328798d0b8acedee1338038f).jpg)
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMN2R2b0E2TkYyQWZYZTkrQ2FTOTV2Rm94QWVxclJNSDloSm5Sd2ovTDNSb21WTEpublhiMEJ6MzY0QUd3Rkh6eUs4TVQyQXhIQWpHR25vWXdpcW1hK01ySUNjdW1LSXZkREdNZ3VGQVRJUWYvdDlPUnJwb0tNb0hqUHBRcExHODhSSk05MG9Bc1VDUnV2WExEUC9RK1JCL01WWVdJN2VpZzFSbmpaV2xyaGM0M200d0RpQUVGaTJEU0NPdFBUY3JYZz09/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(c5b5ab728f9eaa628fdbb29d9313c684).jpg)
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.” – Demetri Martin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNzY2OXJoRm5JU2FrVmJiTmVjajJOaWtPekxkZS9hZzM0R3EwUFcvTi8rNVlZZkJVTERWcXBVYlFoN2FSZTd3eDgwaERIQ2pOM2M0T0tGQ0F2OFB3OXA0aVo4cWR3M2JQK29kTUxsalRKeC9qNnhvUHBMYWF3Qzl4bVhuZ2tUVWhhenVWSEVOUEtkWWdjUjlnd0lIU0trPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(5b4ac08a118619e73b73dd5d0b8c0b87).jpg)
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML2VMZDQyNGtYczN2Nm5TTS8rZkZOclRNclVLU1JDaUZkSlpSbzFqdTRFU2ZFcHBLUm9nSWpreklBS09NRWdPQTBES0dER25HUWNxMS9vRUwrSE5qbGVDdjFVcjk0OG9ISEo3N0JoOVN1clRnN1ZuejNrWjFldTZqcXdFTUdEMldjZzFuZjh5OW84Yy9PRnF1dlhlZHZrTU1DYVVPY3JJV3pycGplTXNyZ2l5aTArM1J2MnNIUUFPb0JwWHhIMm1pRUoyYi95U3BsVythbVZWNWZzTitPbz0%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(e43748999431c63b95933080488b1e67).jpg)
“I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.” – Stewart Francis
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd2NzVGJONjVYTzBCVzBKQzAremZnWVRvdlpPdnBzZnNMaGJKbmdSOTBsSnVnK2dXczRGZ2NPc2tXQWJLeFo5UVVFV0VEV3FGUFIySktUMzhFcG9xWGZqc2pxdDB5YWM0SHFDK0k1K1pVYlNVSWxlQnFDQmdrSU5HTzBJRkFhVU9Gc2ZLZXdQM2k1djBpOVptYk9LbG9jdHZRUjcvNWIwRGNMZE9xZkpnR1Vr/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(4c4a8cb12e8a361e843baceca55f0b75).jpg)
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMktMNHVOcFo5SFRpSVJRUTgya0FaMC9kWE9KWjhwMm1SMlI4TkhTaWo0WVpueG1yS2JCMm9iSlJLanBJWjNJbFdpZlM0VkZPMmVMalVNa0RZV0wyeFZWY2RXU252YmFrVm5ySnZyZm5Tc3paL3RCTW5xNFVLbVBOc1FwMndldHBJPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(935b74d2fb59cd60a1e21e1456ed9810).jpg)
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNkhKTzRadGJqREhMZnFZalFQaEViOXFoNEhucWVJalhrR1FrRjhFbFh2TG5NbThEc0Jwd2Rtak84VWF6OWlhQXprRWt1SGlRR0hGMFRqbUd6VmpRUGF3VGhveXVlN1VTU0M1M29HZTRRY2UrSkd4YWhuUnc0SC8vSDA4UHA0aWRCZTY5N21tenJLVktGOW1lTTRDTWJnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(3254cb0181415a753b62ca580b9d8c77).jpg)
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMK1VadTFCcjcvd3BVVFFkVkVNZ2VMMS9hUWFFQ0dTd2FFNkozS1BBMHIxbmhibEd1M3BvN2tGNWVYNlg5bnpMZFdCcTk5M0pGTGpPaWUyeURVTlNUTUNKMm84WC9VbTlEdE5NV1ZtVVhHenE2TGJPQ1VLaGNISGhucE1BN0tkVFZRPT0%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(3cf5e535311c530cbb577eafa837ecbe).jpg)
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNUdtU0xERVFCeDZLYjd4ZlI2MHE5QVFJL2lrcmlKTDBLQ04wWUVVc2xycUI1MkRrY3l6bVQ4YUx4bkx5SFFzTE42MEVBSDhBSUM5MklST2E0eHA5VXNqNFRIQjFnblZQMkcySnBrOC9RQ3R1TSt0S3FOYWU0RlUvQWRsTlV4Q2lpUmlMdTZMVW1PbS9IYzdxQm81Zm0wPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(2e7e1e004820b05a274cbb59a24d21f4).jpg)
“I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.” – Robert Benchley
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd1dPd3BNMjVKY3ZmdC9lLzNjaGdtR2MzbmRYcXI1aUkxemc5VVV1N0x0KzlieWVRdk12dm1LSU5NeDJrb2tZazIwOTJLbGlHZnhSOHAzZURtaXc0TjJaVCttbVBYQXJDdkJxczVlbEl0NGgvZjl6S1dwMldCdE1XYlRhbzhOWXEyOWVuMy9IVDJPTjJuQ0dTMEJ5Ui9yUUNlRkpuMWM5TEMxZzV4Z3ZIR09iWnJxbWkyWTc5WExRMGZ3cmlBcmRDRVRydjdNMFFCd1NGaTg0QUdDN3pXOWlWaFVuZHJ4K29sSUR1bVByZThqc1dLVklRb01rbU1ZdXRTVm9HbnI0MWRDNWpqUm83My8xcTVVL1EyYVRuQldLTWNpZktCN2VxWGhQNGs0UXp5eXo%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(fb8405675cfe07907d7f84edd739828f).jpg)
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd1dUZFgrb1V6U1lweFNod1NWQ0JJRXNVRGZKeHA4UDdieUQveE1uVTJCNXNzQTIzcUVTaGlzSXhnV2JsUmlNTzJhVmlUeGxCWGNxL29MWkJKQXJMWWROUW9QaHB2b0tVRjVLaGJLeHBjV2lTcUdXNFNwZkVZQkpHUHRmUzFJaXl4Rjg2Smt2RDVnZ2ZyeHIvT0hyTmI2M0xjeXVDVEdlTE1TcjBIZHNJOWxD/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(fc735b0b0cf53cde7d55b0468f6610a5).jpg)
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvM0I5QlNsOFhIOWFVSGlNYzVJWGc0QTN4RkFmcWZ4dXh0MW5GV3pEZHJId0hETEZVOEVZV2JVblh0QURQa3BSUXdORXMrd1gxdlEvZDBELzEvMk9tek16eU9MbnZ0aWQvRWZmZHF5eHYrL1RQUVNyTnNya1hhcTdlbEVsMnRpdUpqMVpjRmY3WmJlYWdEZjgwNnNOdS9ueStWQmZ4amVvNVRtVlJBbGhSU2hDNC8yeGdzK2p1Uisrdy9TM2g3Wmw3U1FVMGVaSHJnOGlqYSsxa3NsYXFVQnNVNDJDVVhJK2hXMGVhSy8vNGFuQytJaWlKcEVrYUw1Z1pzNCtNRzlWbjA9/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(f118bb460366784e5026a9ed50cd0b19).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, it’s just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.” – Unknown FAMOUS INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ABOUT LIFE
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNXJSNStFNUpuSVVFMWpxVGEreStJRWlhOU9KbmlZSFhHTFlYMnozMVBBQnhWeGI4a3NoVTUvTkNGOHEzcTRTR0YrNTNuMnNjR1BLalltTVBxNGxPSkhXYk1ndjJqMnJNQUMwS0s3a292UEg%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(62a238d7540658cefb272f606374f6c9).jpg)
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNEVIdm1pK0lEcUFhYWtyZzhmKzFWV0FtMWVleWdaVFptTDc1cmcvM2tBNDQ0ZDVKdTMzNW5uUUdEa0xBUy94b3doZTJndXVxc3VVVjE1VkphRjloWE1SejZmaGlzbVE5djVYN0poVEFqNzFOcnU2cnhpRk9rTkt3MlBrcElQYkdmNjRxRk1zZlptTzRvblpSeVZDNHAzUm1uNUVneGFBaHZpK1JUazh5c1ZnWVVuQlRsZ1MyT2tHeFBSOTFuS2k4Y1FzeEJxM3NodUVLeHp2Y01ScTFocz0%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(6655249cd49336a6f303403baa338924).jpg)
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNUxjUnRoTjJpTlFTU2FaR0d1a3VvSUxBWXVZbS9wenR5aUV1VHA0UnREdUtYeVF0S1hySkhob3VGR0NteXRnTHdMYjlaY0tKTmIrMEpacytIaWQzTmpBTW9FbkpKZk5qMW9KYzQ2eDhBdTY%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(9fd6f613c5d897bccc8499b949f9affa).jpg)
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNkhKTzRadGJqREhMZnFZalFQaEViOHd6Vk1ZOFd3SmVaSDhEWUJBYm1pUDZya0IwczJ6c2VkejNTZlFFdGJiME01UTV1N25ZTDh2M3FHenh6RFQ1OHRHaUlYRkUzR2x0WE15ZHBMenJqSFRqQklUK1E1b1pkdkFrV2Z2MWlncjNqYnJ1VSs4MEphYXRjeUlORklicnJSV1JwdmlPS1diOXFzY20vQzNNbnRjUCtWb00xME5iWUlyMHRYS3Z5RnpYc29jR1FVdlJzdlY1elc1anZRYkh0cHMwM051bjBVcHNEL1NFVGRxdWFVNQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(6bec0ead7c82498a9acdead6630e6c1b).jpg)
“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMenVSRzZFR1E0NzJGMFUxNy9OL3FJdWhtWC9ZRlVvZHZ1c2tiZEZQb2MwVjZSeiswWTBrZGZQeUxYQkdXVmJQMzV0M1hYck5GOFNkT0ZEUlk4bHV3SWJqZkVyVmZ2MVlqSjNJUS9OWGx0Y2JDd2M3Skd2aFppSSsybW1uMEhteDF5RzB1THJ4cUNzQUVNM3BBNThFdGkrQ0cvY0o4UHMzdkZ3YzhzYTNGckdZVnFta2F2WlYrNFpja0dNNUE3eGpqMk5KaVZDb2NCdHNtSnBaRmdtRUdjTXRrNEJNN1o5KzZqdTEvT213enFYQQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(161da1982d29f3f74a05c8c3fe7b1810).jpg)
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” – Charles Bukowski
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNDJaTkhUYnpZUythZS9sSm5teEtwZHZBV1pNWEZVUkZFYndJRGdJVFBvVE1GT0p0S1FaT0JYL0p1NW9SbURtUHk3QmFnL0YvWE5HM1BZbHppTnZKS3BDamJHdTlndmE1dHl3bGNJYXBmU0V0cFh5RXhJS1liU2pWMzRDN0xtby9WYmVhV2hYYVpodmJITmRacXFSdmdJPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(9ae47392f9a8f4a488d90969baa7f437).jpg)
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMK1VadTFCcjcvd3BVVFFkVkVNZ2VMMnlieFExVmRIYzljbEorV01wYm1GTG5JeGdHdEgrODh0cmlzc2hyV3JOMVlXenpUOFhka2JIUWxlTk1HK1BnL3JIclBSSTZVdE90MzJYdXE1WHdhZTUwdldkM1hQa2E3bUJnc3QxNU00WmJBPT0%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(6357f2a04a3c202a8d5fa808149ebcd4).jpg)
“Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?” – George Carlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNURHdFdWM3hWMjd6V1FVemVMSS9iazN2a01RbU0zeXZHUjRuRVFiVm9SbmYrTXNLWGtRZ1J1ZWgrSzQ3Sll1M0VkSE45NmpvL2hZb2JmK1A2ZEtwWnhWWDdERlJTNzdBMHYyOUE4cjIrNjMvRUFCeDhMcmNhNFlCRFJpZ0NXQStBRG1iMHQ0cTA3S3JCVzNwK2Urd09ZPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(809d6bdee3d61b5ecd794fcab7246e9d).jpg)
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMVpWUjlpQVJYelNUbFZnY0VNWFlUeTVxVkR3aU9mTGpwTXUxT0h2alNkc0phNE9iaEZrbzViQXVIRWE0OHdIVVVCeWM0TEFha3ZzS3hJTFZDNVRzYlYvOW1xV0M2Sm10dHBNVE5ESVdHakU4VEY3K3FKZ3BiMlg2bmI2ODlydUdZdXd6anpPem1Xdk1hSXdOcHl6Ymw5aFg1b3dYdnRHR0JTN0lQaDFWNTZKUT09/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(d57e1ec1ac90d57533132a1e3bb5fecc).jpg)
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMS9GSVBrVTR0T2MrVUVjK202a09nemdrL2plejNpc1RvcTJMSEJzM0F1QkU3bnVZRGF3aGRwdWxMZnhLOG4rK1RHOXVja3FzYzhCUkZ5ZlY0ckF4VTlEaHZoS3g1UnNnWlZRZmtxRnhRSm1SdlV6YldxZ0U1cEp6WTV0VkR2bTl6aTlXQm9KWTdaMUxab1pkQ2pQNkhKQU4xZHJKVjlOYVhTOGhCYkZjSXZCeDZuZmR4ZFdZejRZTmFobklSNklWQT09/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(40722f82bb3cb37dcc3376017c29f225).jpg)
“Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children and no theories.” – John Wilmot
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNDJaTkhUYnpZUythZS9sSm5teEtwZUV2MGp3UE9RVmlqY3MwMWw4TVlWVmN4NUM0SVpQM0ZScWdTcEhQUjkzKy9jT2dBSDBoV3BCV09NZG02ZEo4MXZYZjFRRmM4MTNNZzM2MktqVFhBYm1qT0VaNUNTN1pOcGdxbk1zL05CWXFicEJtYVlJdjh6ZVRncDVlL2xiVHU0a3VZMGRQSzVWRU5BQUI4Y0NxV1dE/FUNNY+RADIO+QUOTES/(e26dc9b96a315d488e72662401fbc879).jpg)
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should’ve been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin