“Son, remember there is no shame in asking for directions, even if you are just going to the fridge.”

“I asked my son if he would be joining the gym and he said, ‘Why would I pay to exercise? I can do that at home by avoiding chores.'”

“My son asked me if he could have a later curfew. I replied, ‘Son, as long as you live under my roof, you’ll have a curfew. When you have your own house, you can stay out as late as you want… after you finish the laundry.'”

“My son thought he was being clever by putting his dirty clothes under his bed. Little did he know that I am a master at playing hide and seek with laundry.”

“I told my son to clean his room, and he replied, ‘Why? The mess is just adding character.’ I never knew that he was such a fan of abstract art.”

“Son, when I was your age, I had to walk two miles to school every day. And I had to do my homework without the internet. Can you imagine?”

“I once asked my son if he had any plans for the future. He replied, ‘I plan to be rich and live in a mansion.’ I guess his plan is to marry rich or win the lottery.”

“Son, is it just me or does time fly when you are having kids? It feels like just yesterday you were a full night’s sleep away.”

“My son asked me why I sometimes talk to myself. I replied, ‘Well, sometimes I need expert advice.'”

“Son, I remember when I used to be the queen of the house, but now it’s more like I’m the jester, trying to make you laugh to get some attention.”

“I told my son not to make any noise while I was on an important conference call, and he decided to hold a trombone concert in the next room. Oh, the sweet sound of chaos.”

“Son, why do you look so startled when you see me in the grocery store? It’s like you didn’t expect me to venture outside of the kitchen.”

“Son, don’t forget to always be yourself, unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman.”

“I told my son he should follow his dreams, and he replied, ‘But what if my dream is to become a professional video game player?’ I guess dream big, son.”

“Son, it’s amazing how much smarter I’ve become since you started paying your own bills.”

“My son told me he is getting a tattoo, and I said, ‘Just make sure it’s spelled correctly, because that’s forever. Also, stay away from my face.'” WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU A LIAR QUOTES

“Son, don’t worry about those embarrassing things you did in your childhood. That’s why we have photo albums to remind you when you decide to run for president.”

“I told my son I was going to buy him a turtle for his birthday, and he replied, ‘But dad, I don’t want a turtle.’ I said, ‘Well, neither does the turtle, but he’s getting you.'”

“Son, remember that if at first, you don’t succeed, call it Plan A and convince everyone it was intentional.”

“My son asked me what’s the hardest part about being a mom. I replied, ‘Well, knowing when to stop chewing your food so I can answer your questions.'”

“Son, remember that life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, except when your mom gets involved, then you know you’ll get the ones you hate.”

“I once asked my son if he knew where babies come from. He confidently replied, ‘The store, where else?’ I think we need to have a little chat about biology.”

“Son, do you know why the ocean is salty? It’s because every time I ask you to clean your room, a little piece of my patience dissolves in it.”

“My son asked me if he could have a pet snake, and I said, ‘Sure, as long as he eats your laundry. I think we’ve found the missing socks culprit.'”

“Son, I want you to remember that in the game of life, I will always be your cheerleader, but I reserve the right to heckle occasionally too.”

“I asked my son if he wanted to hear a construction joke, and he replied, ‘Sure, but I’m not positive I’ll laugh.’ I guess his dad jokes training is complete.”

“Son, when life gives you lemons, just add vodka, and everything will be fine.”

“My son asked me why I always have a mug of coffee in my hand, and I replied, ‘It’s not an addiction, it’s just a constant need for adult supervision.'”

“Son, when you were little, I used to kiss you goodnight and tuck you in. Now, I just yell it from another room and hope you heard me.”

“I once asked my son if he had any tissues when I was crying, and he replied, ‘I have a shirt that’s equally absorbent.’ Ah, the joys of having a handy son.”