GENIUS QUOTES FUNNY

“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

“The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” – George Jessel

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” – Bill Cosby

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” – Rodney Dangerfield QUOTES TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” – George Carlin

“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” – Elayne Boosler

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

“The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.” – Fred Allen

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln