![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TUTExOXRNUWM2Mlc4eTQrZ1cxWUZtTllaQm5xcm1GQjloZFdLTjk4WmZvQkZMNWdRVERTOUtRUlNjN2hIQ2hkdFpJNmZCeWpRQytPZlNPTDFvbWQ5RWdJdHYwdXYwY29xZTc1K0s3ajA4TVQ0TEJOcFdnUGkrc1ZZemlpSHBHTGtoVWp4T1pGOUs2b2tmcDEyMmQva0hrRVNvT0s2MkZvaUVENHpEM1BzZ0RMQT09/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(e2a11863090d3fb7918385b0317cc1bc).jpg)
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDZzBGV295c3NOa3gwNlRMYkYvUXNzblJRdjNGYU9tVmZHVmtGS0RHMGtNb3ZRUGlEYXp0YmFGK1FRZ05mNHByREgxQnlodEkvbE5jRTlubnhvYU1xQ29YcHEzbW9BYkMyRW4yTUYyS0s5czhNOUhGbFFQZDRHbkUxVHBxaWd0NytRPQ%3D%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(10d37d8599470abbc2e7ef9163d2dc0e).jpg)
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cjBjdVJyNHBjeXVlc1JlN1hWaTgzWmpBdWtDcHE0NUxtTzRNUnhmSmdOK3B4alExRmF1ZUF4RFBkOHJGQ1V5cjZ3UVlVb2VOcmFWVDJxRlhDSjhDR3I2LzFyaitqVmh1S2Z2aWhyT1h2azhRPT0%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(01f435d686cd2c4f8a96891a6320f1b0).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFlaZ1ZuM1VERFZCMWJuWWVLWDkvTFNRM1FERGE4TTlhS3p2bHF1UHVJSGlRUXhlN21JWmdvK2tvc01HKzRMcDBwclZaVmpybmxDdVcyT1dUd0tsZm1YWHhMbTBWZEpMNmlMOU1tdWFuek5jamZmajFXQTFCbTBMcHVZa3Vpc1VVPQ%3D%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(fc2e3060299f5445310279ab4142dea4).jpg)
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVlVBR0tSbFJjVjBvQ0JqVllXd2dmeTR0d0tFYkc0TnllVHpwRk9wQTdwQU9Va3FVMDVpc3NTNEhoUjFZRUloOFZEZW52WFVYelVLUGtzNytMU1dnZ2thTXFYa3lzMUp4YkYrOFVPWXptODNJQzAxUlBTYU94M1BWcGZLUlBPN2JrRVMyWjFkclBjVmM4UTZBVnhYckV3Zm1YRnNqOEN3cDRMUHAzU2t1ZWJxU0UrWGtmYWRiYS9OR1hqM2hLL0p0bDlHM0E4Mk9yRzVSOW10eE04RUtQcnVoOU1TOGtJYUJIR25ZekpvZjNmcg%3D%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(2e0a4f270fcc98aff15c436861448fcc).jpg)
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYlgwMHBRbTdTeElSRlRZWGhyNHpxTXNzYzVwR2ZYbVMrUm9XdVF1alhaSEw5MEVjelhMa0Zzb3JPM05TYWVSS3Z4bTZHeU9GNHlJUWpjRjgzdGNKN1Znek9iMnlXSkdiV1B0SldzbGYrbE4%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(0d2a53284bc21c2e519c871731e8d53d).jpg)
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWFdBOU5aVWNjZFQzUUF2c1hKc0sxa0dwcFJqdXl4ZHpJbVh0RUNNL255OWpoa2JhSUxXcHRwcUhxZG1EUGVMUGxlS3ZCZURVL05sN0VLSEZQdnAra3dsbFlad3laWFFHU2wvQmo3RzM0T0U4dngxeDNrWjZrYTZJQWZnbWVkcWdnPT0%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(bdde8a6c68d35d25591c74601d62f63a).jpg)
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDJubDhqaytkOVB5aUxhazUya2VydHFPS2JxMEhqdHgwREJaS0xwcUNJWUZUZnpBME9DOEJjTkRrS2VSaHZ0MnRLUzNLNEtxTDNtbCtlQzNDOVdsMG1xN3NOWHdVVG1rQjY1anRKdVRJcjVzK2hGTEtRc0ROb3VMUkR5bktjN0lLZnJVREJRL0IyTWxWQWcrRDBLdVdTaHUyL0tGTGFlK3FnOEljYmw5UUl1WnBocE0rU0lkWWRRL3R3NmNBN284ZW8xV2x2NU9HLzhGSE11SS9wR1MxV1hyUTQ4cU5hQVFWWnRRZENHM2VPMA%3D%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(7e7d570db20465a485174864bc612f0f).jpg)
“The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” – George Jessel
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2ak1pQ2hpQnRxMEFHQ0hid1dDYUFLY1Fhd29CVlJBODFQQUZIRTlxSnNGREtmNGg2bDhEbzk5TEx2MndEWkdOR1pLSU50OTB0MVk0c0hMUnUrMlYyWi8vVEZUL01Lb1owN0RGZ2JHS0Y3ZmM3Y1hoaGJMa0pNMnMxK1gyOExXWFBZcEt1OGtMUVZQMVYwcUg0L0VmR2N0/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(5213664c57cce1e67d77154765efc0a3).jpg)
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” – Bill Cosby
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaW5vQy85T2ZzWmNwdXRneUNkK2tUdVl1MjBQdTVkZWNLbjA4MFlkRWJ2SHJ1S3lnd1VNKzBIcXBoL3hOMXRwVEprZFVSZGQ5SkFhU2RKcW93OVBjZ2dGY1hON25zUU9pMlN1QSt4V1RmUDRJYklhUDgwaDNaZ1JYTklRMmt0VHVXK1Y0U2tQU0k4azNGWXNGUkNpQldpVGNHOWJ3NEdSdWVhcDNKaVEvVnBlWU5oelBYUGpHZkkybC8rMXJHRi9ENlpKOFFzQjlMM0RvYXc4bytNbStZVw%3D%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(16ddfaaef8d55eb20b7e0cf7c41d6f18).jpg)
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZWowQXN3Ymg4T2RkTFc2dTFvN2pMRSsrVjUrdmoyeTlaclhDMXRkZ2tlM24xY2pHLzVRTVRKUWVid1lEVHRlWW9zbXJLTXMzSEwvcVIvMDdxMmlmUWJWTU1QNzlSQlRQbVFTSDg1VWt6UTNGSVY3K3pNQkpUOGVsSldRMlMwai9rbVBlZ0JnUzRaaGtuMGxSeitka0xEbEI5U3JuZDV0MThoYzl4TDVWa1M1ZERVU0I2Yzk4cE13Y2ZOMG90ZW54UT09/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(1b77e24458f976080f436e8108ef4f1c).jpg)
“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” – Rodney Dangerfield QUOTES TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYjBhT2tzaW9ab0FWalMzVElqUy9tdUJpWDdmcnhMK1BhZWdoUjRjUVlIM3JpMjRydG1xUjE3anVjYzdPMXpOYWFJOFQrRnR2OGNLQXJkRU92UHdMR2t2dXBGU3BtVnpBbVMzeTB1TTdNVmpiZ3RnMkxFR0ZoejZGZlBaNFRPL05rWFVKSzFsRnEwK05rN2oweHVkUTBPQks1ZnE3OVFLQk41SW9iL3dqcTJrZzVrMlJLNEd3eEtjYWs3aEZYb2xPQ1ptZ2JRbFNzcEtvT0pTeThNU3A1ST0%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(7416070ed3c51e9902d47b9d36a68195).jpg)
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYTdCOVVnQ1NpRVJkazhTTnFYcktpVzdUMGRoT1NCR1M2WFdUb3ZyU2xBYmhsamd2VDFqSnc3ZDV3TXAxc3o3VE1GeVdmZnJKN09vWHhzemVKL252WS9saC8ybzdxanNyMFI5UG1EcSswY3I%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(462af6ee74343224c27d6dcdbb3640ed).jpg)
“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” – George Carlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVkNwVWozblg4SElBZ0w2bzNUN3o2c3UyN2hIZGowOXVTWFBGWk5MRzhWZnZsWXRIdmhyUDhJZmVCSlpabEU5czlTZ3UrQkFYOVV4dXNCY3IzdzlZMldTWEIweGg3OFgxKzU0TkZTb0ZZb0UxMlRrWE5OU09xTVpXN1NjZ2VtRFVJMmh3Y0RuVmxhcEZmcWRaLzMxbFlsQ0UxWEw0Nzh6L1FpaWtaYi9kc3Nu/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(4a754de58a54f05a64d9d9fd9478e3ba).jpg)
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWE9SbSt4SlB5L2tVaXNDNVhqWDVIYXdXUlBGbVJOMCtaUWxPMkJUR2xTMDdrczhjcnV1QXVMOWI5NDl2UXZLcUJtaUxnY1YxTmtqTnQ1aWtrK05tWlgzcW5Ka2ROMmhEQWxYN1JmcWtqM0tWTzR3Ymp3OFNIQzhuMTM5d2t4d0JYMnE5OHRzZjZZTGt2bXkwTmlUbWZuampNR2ZDRmx4L0dtWHovbVF3dTdSd0E4SDBMN3RTckFLTWI0NzVpbFcxSEpXbDRlWXlMWFVXSGhLSEx3UHFQYVZYbHgvMjNIc21GN2hhTWxmbEZmMWYxUFBXYlAweGg1YytNOGJMNERvQjNrcnhUMmV6V2V3b2FjYkRBNXdWZHpVOGsrYkpFS0tkWEx1dVJUcWVMcDU%3D/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(b9feacc4967433cc008f4c7566ac5c07).jpg)
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” – Elayne Boosler
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUVWRlZySUJ2ZGJhSlQwazRJR1dMN1orV0MrTFVWelFVaCtKa0szbFZwdCtDVmtHMnlWQWVRRCtZNklrT3hhYkNxRmpoUWdhUWpYZXdrdlhYakVZZ3d0NzluUnhVMTU5N0tzUFM1dFVxSzllVWZCVHV2TDBDT3N2R2JWU1NVR3BWVkZNRHV0eGZqSmlGTFJiSDlKSXk2NmxCZ3R5NDllOWV6SjdVb25qUW9RTUh5Q0F6a25tUlpablJZT09JTmJBQT09/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(3f9aad722bb23a892b9ce300f256a8aa).jpg)
“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZVBrbDV1RlByL1gxZENvdXFmQjltZ3A5WFRuaXI5OG16M0RyMldadERWNG42OFpkMnU3d2hZaXZJdmdOSStXb1ZDcTcvdWxqRUJ5UW9YbHZLaXJiR1dTRTdpZkM5V29hVVRYd0o0bkpYOVZISU9zdW5qaVpEdTN3UDNIWW1PMXZPTkRhcy81TFNZQzhmQ0xxb0xqbTlLeUE4OTM3Z3QrKy9ROGNYMjN1VkR2a3VNMDR3cE9mVkhzcGVKV0pUY1A1UT09/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(ceeed9ba8455406993a73c053b0585e0).jpg)
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0dZYU1BL0htKzJ4U3I0ekw5TE8wQm5kVlY4UkpML1ZlM0NWR05SV0c2MWVnVlNxQ0trR1g1MmhRbkI4VjVqeVl2cmV3SmtWQUpLRDdqRGd1VEx3elQvOUZTdmNrdWs5NUpMRTZsb2I4VFM2UlJsOWRWZkQ2Y1VqbU5VMDVUVVVCeE10eFpvUUNEUDFaZmVFME8vbTlycmtGMjV2MEpyOFhjK2lBNnh4TW94/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(0dc2c2fe784011b86174aa36b6b6887a).jpg)
“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVUlPV2lRTmFWZmVsWEc3Mjl4MVc2bVpUNit1c3E4MGV5eDNxUldGbmlRSS9VaDdIOStTK3RmSmwxUEc2N0t5N3JJbzBFcDYxREVnWXNIa2czOVUyWW1VdVVhU21CVGZWYWV4RFB3cG8zdEJvSEpaOFd2RVhKQUR0TkJ5cHN3Z2F5R0tSZFNvbWhUNnFCZ1UveGIxK0grZ2hNK2FtZDQwYzcwejduTkwyb29Y/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(4ff21f0872957d68cc4e7121fb88b7fb).jpg)
“The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.” – Fred Allen
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkpEaDhvMGY1dG1PRWlubkZpcnYwN1lMMVdvWTlxbi83eHlnRDBsQ3NsanNvOVBrOVRRZy9ZTm9tNEpjbTM4ZzlWQnB1TUVPMnBobTd6enJmMmRFbENvWFZaNXJwam5zR1RHWmUvbFFraU9aakhIUERmN3FRbkFMTVdoZ1lscERWZk9PNHNjTG9TTzBKLy9UZFBEN3M0Uk5RMUFFVGM3VnlWUTJLTnFwdmY3/GENIUS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(a7de9f34d650bb225044dae8c0708137).jpg)
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln