GEORGE CARLIN GOD QUOTE

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”

“I’m not into religion, but I believe in the power of the individual, in the power of you. That’s what’s important.”

“I don’t think God is a dictator, because a dictator doesn’t let you make jokes about him.”

“Religion is like a pair of shoes… Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.”

“I don’t pray. I talk to myself. That’s what I call prayer.”

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”

“I don’t believe in God because I don’t believe in Mother Goose.”

“I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of Him.”

“I’m not sure what God exactly is, but I know He’s not one guy in robes. If there is a God, it’s not the God that religion is selling.”

“I’m not a religious person, but I try to be a spiritual person.”

“God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.”

“If there really is a god, isn’t he omnipresent? Doesn’t he know I’m sitting here?”

“I have as much authority as the pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” NEW YEAR FAKE FRIENDS QUOTES

“I don’t have pet peeves, I have major psychotic f*cking hatreds.”

“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”

“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”

“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“I love and treasure individuals as I meet them. I despise and abhor the system they are forced to live in.”

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

“Think off-center.”

“I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke-free. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist. Politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect.”

“The future will soon be a thing of the past.”

“The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”