GEORGE CARLIN QUOTES ABOUT GOVERNMENT

“I don’t have pet peeves; I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.”

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?”

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” STRONG SELF MOTIVATION QUOTES

“Why is it called rush hour when nothing moves?”

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”

“How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”

“I’m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.”

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

“The word ‘bipartisan’ usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.”

“The future will soon cease to be just sliding doorways and shiny robots. And I’m happy for that.”

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

“I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi- cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up