GOLD QUOTES FUNNY

“Behind every successful person, there is a lot of unsuccessful years.” – Unknown

“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown

“I don’t think inside the box… I don’t even know where the box is!” – Unknown

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Unknown

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.” – Unknown

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

“Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.” – Laurell K. Hamilton

“My doctor told me that exercise is good for my body, but my body is already in pretty good shape, so I’m exercising my right to not exercise.” – Unknown

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“If there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.” – Unknown

“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

“The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you’re with someone you’re not supposed to be seen with.” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown I CAN MAKE IT QUOTES

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown

“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.” – Unknown

“If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?” – George Carlin

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on my own gravity experiment.” – Unknown

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” – Earl Wilson

“I would lose weight, but I hate losing.” – Unknown

“The safest place to hide a dead body is the second page of Google search results.” – Unknown

“Inside me is a thin person screaming to get out, but I keep her sedated with chocolate.” – Unknown

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown

“I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.” – Unknown

“I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything!” – Unknown

“A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.” – Jim Hayes