HAPPY CHRISTMAS QUOTES FUNNY

“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

“Santa saw your Instagram pictures – you’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.” – Anonymous

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“I told Santa I’ve been good all year. He died laughing.” – Anonymous

“Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth!” – Anonymous

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” – Anonymous

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Anonymous

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he had to take his beard off to talk to me. I thought I was seeing Santa Claus, but it was just my father.” – Rita Rudner

“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“Why did Santa go to therapy? Because he had low elf-esteem!” – Anonymous GIVE YOUR HEART TO GOD QUOTES

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Buddy, from Elf

“What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!” – Anonymous

“This holiday season, let’s get in touch with our inner Santa and eat all the cookies in the world.” – Anonymous

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson

“Christmas shopping: because what better way to express your love for someone than to force them into public places and make them buy things they don’t want.” – Anonymous

“I told Santa I wanted a puppy for Christmas, and I woke up to find myself underneath the tree surrounded by empty boxes and wrapping paper.” – Anonymous

“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge

“The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.” – Anonymous

“I hope you find yourself surrounded by annoying family members, delicious food, and laughter this Christmas. Just like Santa, but without the reindeer.” – Anonymous