![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUnFyTWYyQzRzUXZ0c093V0FTWTFCQWR4VlhBeWhTQmtxNVpWb3JmLzZZYlVOMUo2a3k5ejQwZkRoN3Q2Q3NuQytmNk1MT2EvTFNlSzZjcE9Ed1AvTEMvRWhzUnZxUHhoTEovd3dwc1BUQlRnYmlNU0hPSXBBaEgwZ0daNGovQkJhRHZEcVFGRlo0NU5IWHRteHo0bkJVPQ%3D%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(891d25313fb03c7ca819899f3a7d08b1).jpg)
“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVUg4OTlQYm1Xc0NIb2hPY1BtN2QrZ0dPYW81UEFlL2dIMDFNRjlkaFJXSlYrRHFCdFkvNHFBLzJzdmJjN2MrTXVFZjd3d2lkcXhEd3Vjc2dlSHFqRlNFWDg3VDg0Z1BETUxEMEZyRWZwbDNtZmdrTW5oUW91ZUxMT1FjdzFjQTllSkNLVzJrWlhvdlcrUUtkVTl3M1pRUVRNYzNCOHlsQUtPc21BdXhNbG5M/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(046986fa7811271e811f891cc52ffde7).jpg)
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar
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“Santa saw your Instagram pictures – you’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.” – Anonymous
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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin
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“I told Santa I’ve been good all year. He died laughing.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2UwNVBxbWYyVTA4OWxVR2hWVjNEUHpLUi9EVU85QnNTNEo5OEh5cjYwbUpudUZOL2FTemcveVIrQkVNdkw4T0xIN3QzdGhPOWthMkNKVml2RlJ1R2dYZXZabzdQeDg2UjdJbjFINHZGY295bVhkdmdJTTk5T25lNDVUU0FXeHFVbytEQTBOWFZPSm1wVHhBUHptNTMrcEVacmxUT3FXOEhzaE41RXdTZWl1WGJHT08rakIyQXg4eHBxeVFmbXU3Z05BZ3YyRWowUzd6L1FkK0ZHdEhYTjFvWUU1bUxkTzQrVTI3UmRRZlM3NXI5Qk5HRTFWOXpjSkNOcFV3SjBPdUFuRVBIelR0UkdGUlk1Zm5EYUV0WFk0UXMvajd4RkF6aStFRW4yREtHaHg%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(ee79f718df792e892d41ec17c38c8d35).jpg)
“Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth!” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2VzaWNhcHg2TnQ1RUM3RG5lTnBOV00rUFpNTHZ6MlRveExpOS9SdUUvR3ZyUlV4STJ3NXRFQlBUOGFGalRmQVpUNGlBSk15RENteVp2NU5DanJxaDlqMUtkb21qVXpoOXkycVgxamxFU2NhRzY0TWQ5SEMra0RvMHN2WlZKRm9idWFDT201dXRiWEpIbDBpT0EyQitHeENld1c0TDFuK0JnR0RmT0toNEg3RUJxYWRsRHRjQ01QTDNYSXYwYXB6SEM1K3Z2SVFlaWw1NkU0elpMb2VhZz0%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(7108f3395a2d8278c623531dae712b51).jpg)
“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” – Anonymous
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“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.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%3D%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(b153e39b160ec31b01714db1fd986afa).jpg)
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he had to take his beard off to talk to me. I thought I was seeing Santa Claus, but it was just my father.” – Rita Rudner
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“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres
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“Why did Santa go to therapy? Because he had low elf-esteem!” – Anonymous GIVE YOUR HEART TO GOD QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY1VrQjhvMDJKcXVpOFA1aktQSE9pZDk0TXVQaTZaMG5oM1dwWnRCOXVheGNCbHFnakdweEZXUmRHeGhuSkNXaTBhaFduSnNEV3hkT0xzVlcxV1p0aTd2NnpienJldE1xTFRrS3ZkNWVSMGJvcmZud3VYTHpOZ0dZTE5FVXpvdWVRPT0%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(1390edb480270e8011732d6a67cc0a59).jpg)
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vcXU1R2cxUC9USHE3d3Z5citYZHI4U0haWnc1STdlbGFrOWY5QTRYV296TnhVVjh2eXlvRVBGOWFzaXJzaE5HdG1LMUJjdC9XaFNmMTl3MnVRTDdpNEQzdmo2WStwd1VzRUpDbVNxWlFhYnRZRW5sV0syTUJLQW5zZXZ5SW5hVGFZPQ%3D%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(918d2104080080110b2883dfe6aaa99c).jpg)
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Buddy, from Elf
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnhmY2ZFd2lvRWNHcllFL3FWU1pJdnFDWEsxaFlyN0N2QU9KTENhYmdRZldBWDNza2t6Zjl3TDVOMVFuVWtVaURaUlZ4N0NpMndaTGpvRDJIOXFCV0hlSVFvMmlLV0xCMFhncC9RK2JudEFhMDE1Qm9Rd3JYWXNqY3hkSUxLR1dZd252WW43VE5ISEtYS2JQNFNzWnUwPQ%3D%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(1de820c6f7e1cb9f3d984cd2ec541222).jpg)
“What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYXBGdHpFZ0ZSUzdZNi9ERzJhc05IcDUxWHVkSkhxL2RQVEsxdmRZbVdMdVBvem92QmRQdDVDNmw0czcrd2Jxck1CaGNFVmRjVnFRQW9GMWEydVNZL1l2ZjRPQmN4d2U2NUoyNURGcTV5MExzVjhkS0gwZVBxN3dua0RiWm0rTVQ4ZWJkZE5xYXNUTEVRdWNsRjc2V1EveklSWVRyOVNpK3V3U2lMYlhhMHBmbWluVlk2NWhIYnZEN3NyOWpvUVB3UT09/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(233e27ce4f01c13a7c0fc53417c6472c).jpg)
“This holiday season, let’s get in touch with our inner Santa and eat all the cookies in the world.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjRkWGZHN0VDK2Z5S1BxeUVyeVF4RGNDekJYTk51TGNrZFJteTlpN0ZXNXdvR3VOS200VnZQWjlVWHhOcEJsV1d4cm1Xd3pBYjQxR3AybkdoRTZwV1NqMmNCa241U0ZwQzZJWFVyTUJ4dGwvZFJ4QzVHYWxscWNMbm9wNlJCeEtYM3lKdlhaKytKdjBoTnpmRGcvaHJHNVU3UWZJc2FkanRUUHlBbGI4THBaaFVSWkRWVmx0TWM5MndkZUtmMWFzM0xXaS9aRC8vb1hjU0hLZHJQUzF3OD0%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(e43f9a71d7713121d517a1404e740e0d).jpg)
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY1VrQjhvMDJKcXVpOFA1aktQSE9pZms3TExLQnZSUHpOSVZnSjViRXNPU21FMTQ5VFpreUdNbjJYbk5KMktpS3ZiVlRGSlBEbklkcis5Q3FKSmdKd05VN2VPR3ZaWTNXK01NdTlWWmNIdDhkdDJib29TWEJNMGg2byt4K2VOVnQrVnpBZDV5SlBHWWliR2pPMGVBTWo5enJJRDdsMzA0cU81SzdvYjVYVjhSSkkyK2Zyd0R0SmN3TlE0ZTVIVHp3SThSb1lRVDU4ZHRFMjVZSmtFRnBMWkpNRTdseGgxUjNOWnh4ZXJGNVBaMnQ4eTZXdTVkRUpFUUVudjFRM0lRLzROUVo2QzVLRmQ2L085TjVyRHFFTGc9/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(88742a2227beda7f31246d23d8f32747).jpg)
“Christmas shopping: because what better way to express your love for someone than to force them into public places and make them buy things they don’t want.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUZJdDNROVp6RUxoVnlXUXRSdmRYTndBZmZvTkcrTHROTGNZaXV3YkUvT0RZd0VXVkVrU3Q0ZkVjMWR5emxudzZFOUdZNWVIdjhic0JDV01HRVBpa0VPckp1MFI4S3JIR3F3Tm1HRFRFOEh4WEpWaTRwZkxhdDIvbU5KTmpraW5UZ1MwajJZejdaRk5Kc0J6MzVNRGV5VGRUSVVqNExvdmhDZ1ViamVmbVVHc2gyL256dWZBeHFURWlBUDRzZmNiU1dCWkVoTk10MkxQRnpDSjc2YnpRTjdZeEljZlkwcVBkcVN2SDJUTkZSMQ%3D%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(fe24b553a133089cc87217023b0e6c7b).jpg)
“I told Santa I wanted a puppy for Christmas, and I woke up to find myself underneath the tree surrounded by empty boxes and wrapping paper.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZS9hRlZpcXZURW13R21LanFMeU51MDFLQmlJakN5ek9pWkNuZGxQSDI3SHJobkF3Ky85STV5UHVWN1V4UVBHMUFzd3U4OUlFdmRrMjJXK1d4cHVYQUd1NytGSjZXKzV0bWI2VlFsZ09jYjd5UU1BYXQwTVU2S094ZDhtVmZjN0phblcyNmpaWFovS2ozaDNDTGhiVEhrPQ%3D%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(b3684f412d10fa777a81379900066a95).jpg)
“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVmJVV1lXdjVhK25FSWNnU1B1QUlKWlFtK3p4Q2FIRndZNUhvSFdXQW1MUGFvTEtUTUdqcUJMcE9lSG9oTHhUVnZPMEU1WWhQcmkzU3lHM0liOEVlS0hKMGdTUnBqWGc5czBhMFdoR1RlT090NGpIdVdKUkljcFNKa01UZi9sR2tFKytkUVEyVk5UNU1kNEE5S2M0VGRSemNKdFZ6SmMva3R5M0hJSmxoVGMv/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(9267df46dc0c1536529e688dc31d33ed).jpg)
“The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0hkUHY0VHdaUkVyOHNTV2dhaWVWOWRGWGlyZDVubWtoaUs2Zks2aXNJMGxQNUk5OExIUGhvUExORFU5dUhwcVNoZS8xZ2h1bEFzbE1qS0lFbXVNWXo0SWs1dFA4M0ExWWVmakhHdjJLQXd4ZHRMczNvVUFNaHE1ZDRjSGhzcHh3emxmaWZzUkRxYVR5VWFSc2xKR1JVbzhGRWx4Q1lpcXpVV0lISEdqRU9EdUdqU3lMZHN3T0lIcjdPQXJYWllWeU5zL1FkY1dST0ZwdXJzM0Y4elJVUmJjMDF0ZE5hRmp3bmZKVk5FUTR2MEdrbjJpZ2pZUFlsTmlubGg1amVWZmc9PQ%3D%3D/HAPPY+CHRISTMAS+QUOTES+FUNNY/(f53a1a65536327ac7a4ed918a1e41d68).jpg)
“I hope you find yourself surrounded by annoying family members, delicious food, and laughter this Christmas. Just like Santa, but without the reindeer.” – Anonymous