HAPPY NEW YEAR SARCASTIC QUOTES

“May all your problems last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”

“New Year’s resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”

“This year, I will drink more wine, eat more chocolate, and worry less about what I ‘should’ be doing.”

“New Year’s resolution: To avoid any form of exercise that requires getting out of bed before noon.”

“May your New Year’s resolution be as short-lived as your enthusiasm for it.”

“New Year’s resolution: I will procrastinate less, starting from next year.”

“I achieved so much last year by doing absolutely nothing. Let’s keep up the good work this year!”

“May all your troubles last as long as your resolutions.”

“New Year’s resolution: To remember to write the correct year on all my checks.”

“This year, I will embrace my laziness and not feel guilty about it.”

“New Year’s resolution: To procrastinate more effectively.”

“As the clock strikes midnight, I will raise my glass and toast to another year of mediocre accomplishments.”

“New Year’s resolution: To get my life together, but not too together, let’s not get too ambitious here.”

“Here’s to another year of pretending to care about people’s gym selfies.” QUOTES ABOUT FAKE FRIENDS AND FAMILY

“New Year’s resolution: To learn how to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty for it.”

“This year, I will strive to be less mature and embrace my inner child.”

“New Year’s resolution: To use sarcasm more, because it’s not like I use it enough already.”

“Wishing you a New Year filled with fewer responsive emails and more Netflix binging sessions.”

“New Year’s resolution: To stop pretending that I actually enjoy working out and eating salads.”

“This year, instead of losing weight, I resolve to lose my car keys at least twice a day.”

“New Year’s resolution: To spend more time on social media criticizing other people’s resolutions.”

“May your New Year be as exciting as a Twitter thread arguing over pineapple on pizza.”

“New Year’s resolution: To embrace my flaws and make them feel welcome in my life.”

“This year, I will aim for less ‘self-improvement’ and more ‘self-indulgence’.”

“New Year’s resolution: To make more realistic resolutions that I know I won’t keep.”

“Cheers to another year of pretending to be productive while actually watching cat videos online.”