HILARIOUS DAY QUOTES

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?” – Unknown

“I’m not clumsy, I just have quick reflexes to save the falling stuff.” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on Energy Saving Mode.” – Unknown

“I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry.” – Unknown

“The only exercise I get is running out of patience.” – Unknown

“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?” – Unknown

“Mondays are like math problems, you add the irritation, subtract joy, multiply the problems, and divide happiness.” – Unknown

“If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.” – Unknown

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown

“I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.” – Unknown

“I’m not arguing, I’m just trying to explain why I’m right.” – Unknown

“The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vidal Sassoon

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.” – Unknown

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown

“I’m not late, everyone else is just early.” – Unknown SELF LOVE SELF RESPECT QUOTES

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

“If a hug could convey how much I love you, I would hold you in my arms forever.” – Unknown

“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.” – Unknown

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity… It’s still working.” – Unknown

“I’m not addicted to chocolate, chocolate is addicted to me.” – Unknown

“The secret to a happy marriage is a sense of humor, and a really short memory.” – Unknown

“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.” – Unknown

“I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized.” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.” – Unknown

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown

“The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity.” – Abraham Lincoln (just kidding!)

“I’m not ashamed of my past, I just don’t remember most of it.” – Unknown