HILARIOUS FAMOUS QUOTES

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” – Woody Allen

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips

“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain DOCTORS DAY QUOTES

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Woody Allen

“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” – Steven Wright

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” – Woody Allen

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

“If you’re going to do something wrong, do it big, because the punishment is the same either way.” – Jayne Mansfield

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” – Charles Bukowski

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright