“Work is for people who can’t play golf.”

“Trying is the first step toward failure.”

“Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true.”

“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

“Don’t you hate pants?”

“Operator! Give me the number for 911!”

“I’m in no condition to drive… wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!”

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

“Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”

“I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” FAMOUS QUOTES ABOUT DESIGN

“Why should I leave America to visit America? I can already watch toilet stalls in my own local gas station.”

“Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene’.”

“I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman!”

“If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing!”

“I’m allergic to work. It gives me hives.”

“Wouldn’t it be great if you could lie on the couch all day and watch TV while your brain grew stronger?”

“I want to share something with you, the three little sentences that will get you through life: Number 1, ‘Cover for me.’ Number 2, ‘Oh, good idea, boss!’ Number 3, ‘It was like that when I got here.'”

“Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice normal family.”

“Don’t worry, Marge. America has always been the land of opportunity. You can make a fortune and lose it, overnight!”