![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TVHpidWlReksvbkJ6SHVRNnRSKzRNcU9UcnpSczlXYm5pdGJYL3B5REY3dVYyWXNxZXp4T0hvbmpmTjlpeW5jOHVTSUxadFZZTEpXbHordTZyMjBLcFNyd0ZGM1VzK0ZhZVJlNmxIc29yQnNpWkgrWFhwajNNbXMrMWFzTnRUbnQ0PQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(5cc17707a8fc9a65cf6e3de898a34c85).jpg)
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott, The Office
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMOFJjcDBLM1lETVNYUXpVVzBSSG1sMnBjZ2J1UmdWVHNINzJ0bVJZTVNWTjlqSUMzM1JET01mQ0tSVW1oTEt0UUx0SVF1RXNoT0VzMkRFdTdWU2k4NWlvMHJnNm9FbmQ0dW1CY3NpQ2UwTUgrOHVjVGYrNWx1eFo4b0JUVmg0NkFKVTBMaGlDb3NHUmR3bzM2RkhYNWVDZW54bXhqNzNMYTR1TkdNSk1zQ0IzSlpSWWRycUk0dmY5Ky9Ja3NPc25rQT09/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(0351af96203cdc42e49a5457dd8a0e7f).jpg)
“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMeHhYL0V5bTJwVjNaenJVYXBXTnBUSXd3bFpJcENvc0NzWk5mQ0FwV1lHbTYrNlQ4ZENQeEZBbzdHRTJMMEpXYXhaMy8wL3VsMy9IM1BueTRtOUVmcEV1VzlyRnd4c1JxcXVIdTBTYjArallxaE14cnZ6dldnWTQxaGkzcXRvQ3Zpb3cxeU9QVXU0M2k0ZGVPL3ppZUhVPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(557b429eefb58c6ff83dda982bd5f7d8).jpg)
“I was reading a book on anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down!” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNDJaTkhUYnpZUythZS9sSm5teEtwZUV2MGp3UE9RVmlqY3MwMWw4TVlWVmN4NUM0SVpQM0ZScWdTcEhQUjkzKy9jT2dBSDBoV3BCV09NZG02ZEo4MXVpVWptZ1d5YTdwYkx2SURSMldFdTh1ZlVqd2ttbXJ0MlBEYmNVQTBPYSt6V3Y4dW1kdVdBZzN3TkJvVzFsaGplQVpZaEw4cWgyclNjbE9XVTZnQitZ/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(1b0d15a35cd2405d80f3089bbde0c498).jpg)
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML1JGTDZWaDRFY0loeFRoend5ZzNEM1BxZkc3c1ljOStkTUF3VjQreklSUVVGbDhhRHVIOWlDMDZnekZiTGE4UG1meERuSGgwQThBRkhRSFAvQWNpaUNMZk5YNVUvZjdRV2VYT1RpRWdmM2NHOURlT0dtZkFqMFMrTHZteHZZRnhWL3FPd0diUEFXNE5ubWsvQzlGakVhUjZDSkpMalp0ejV6N1RXdkp6MHJ3RE5MeGYxYkhiT2RLUyt3RVMvM3JIT0oyUW8yRlRYbmgrbUNlRHJXTlNZbm40UnVKVHBYSisrcURRZFpjelg1cg%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(42827bb14dd35ed0942010e280bcc009).jpg)
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML0toRmdDRVl1NjNBVitXdU4xa21HUWhCcTZUWU1ROENOdi9ramRaaEZGNVR4bzBtYjI0dko2WEVaZ1p0SVJMOEFFbDhHdVRvNDkrU1RPQ2dKUXhiK0RIWmdpQjRHOXNTeEdBMVhlamFzaVFVamRXTlVJMjlWTWs4WmpiUjU1bUZZTEcwNkRHc29KK2l4WC8rOExnV2FLcE5rSjM0ZHh3OUhaelBmU291eDdzTm1EZk9WREZ6Nk1vSnRQNEdEUU01cWJaMC9jUEl3NmJSeHlrcVpOVWk1MD0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(f1ece0f47340e1076c205fd6198ff586).jpg)
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.” – Samuel Goldwyn
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML0toRmdDRVl1NjNBVitXdU4xa21HUmt6VkthcEtCbndoYnMrTlYrT0YwRU5QSlJtZXBySm9ZVW5RcU5PYnFySSs5QTcxNThQQTlRNllnUzFEWUFVeDlINEpLamdBb2V5WXNWNEU1V1RubmxkQ1NJYUxUUDhZNHAyekxkWnpVYXJBPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(bd2b5913f29b8357307d31e7d86e05de).jpg)
“I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me.” – Ray Bradbury
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMK0R1Y3F2amo3bisrTUtxY2hWY1lHVjZxQTVucHBmK0p3MG4zOGFSY2c5bzVPdG54QXdZeEtPdS9PdDY0bW9FemxiU0xSWXlPNHpYOFFTYTJqWTZicDdBRGZPK0ZwNWxrOHdjd05uWm94RDJ6NUM5SmZOQmRUMUFpTVJRYk5pSWw1dlE2djRLUVhiUzdyMVM4Q2pVOFVocW42cmpTcFFhU1NrODZaeEFNcWJE/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(db63049068b1b33b5c872c5f10cc6743).jpg)
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMME9ZSjY2SGZjWE1RWE15UE1LNW5lOE9KMi96NVpXd3dPNldTSFVFT2VWckw1d21SNFl4NFJZanFTWjRRU0thSFY0UmdCaGFSYWU3czdMeFVmOHRxY2RROTJaUjRXazdDdTB0QVNMckhmUXV0b3ovT3lMaWEwaFVMd25sbXN5bFNKUnNBT2kwVGQvUGFtU2lBREE5ZFBFPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(c6b2bdd610e910e835cc31726cc39787).jpg)
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNDJaTkhUYnpZUythZS9sSm5teEtwZHZBV1pNWEZVUkZFYndJRGdJVFBvVE1GT0p0S1FaT0JYL0p1NW9SbURtUHk3QmFnL0YvWE5HM1BZbHppTnZKS3BDamJHdTlndmE1dHl3bGNJYXBmU0V0cFh5RXhJS1liU2pWMzRDN0xtby9WYmVhV2hYYVpodmJITmRacXFSdmdJPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(9ae47392f9a8f4a488d90969baa7f437).jpg)
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMExMSzlDSExNUUpMQXVRU3Q3ei93aDhIcStYWDJwc3hFdkJ2SFJiUTNsKytHdDQ4UVA5cUZrMVpRcnkwVE8rV3dVNTBiZHA2V2JRMEpHSmxTVXN2VURSV0poSXVQUWVWNzBjQ1I1eXg4WWcrQmZxRnMxMFRwSEk3eURFMXZMOTI0PQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(525a85ae3121c069e2c6b3c7b9281a3c).jpg)
“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML0toRmdDRVl1NjNBVitXdU4xa21HVDJXVG91S3BJWEpSWlYza0JnejFXNUpob2MyZnpQdjQzUW5rTVpPN2o4QzBZTWNVaUhCcEVjVDFrZEt0V0ZLOWNDejVHYzBNOWNlSUlaRnZyMWJLWXRHdkJPVG9jUVNwa3VHclJPZUJHR01RPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(1a3d5eecae2a53b8ca5829914f43e3e4).jpg)
“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNzY2OXJoRm5JU2FrVmJiTmVjajJOaWtPekxkZS9hZzM0R3EwUFcvTi8rNVlZZkJVTERWcXBVYlFoN2FSZTd3eDgwaERIQ2pOM2M0T0tGQ0F2OFB3OXA0aVo4cWR3M2JQK29kTUxsalRKeC9qNnhvUHBMYWF3Qzl4bVhuZ2tUVWhhenVWSEVOUEtkWWdjUjlnd0lIU0trPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(5b4ac08a118619e73b73dd5d0b8c0b87).jpg)
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNUxjUnRoTjJpTlFTU2FaR0d1a3VvTHBITkQ5VWNRU1BoUjNOMmFIQ3VOZzU0cmFXVXdZS25KZWxsSURuSUN2eDBFS0ZYMWxkbnh1OGt5b1c1M01GNDY5enNhTzU5ZXlRWW9DZHFXWEtkZjFLQ1BWODdzcmcycm9KY21oUGgzUS9nPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(dfda0927964cce9fc479fa033046697d).jpg)
“I intend to live forever – so far, so good.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNUlGNXUzZzRVSUo5STdNRGNxZFhJcytlL1k4a1gvaHhJRU44VmFEMUF6UHdRQWNWc0x4YUZFOTR3UExZN0Z3Y05QTktVNTk2YzFVRlgyZGdGaDllQnVLRUtIcVRnRGZxcFFOV091UGp2TGQ0K0dFY3luUUlBTGdSWHZiaG1PaHZIek95L0lPRllmSEVqeEtpdlkyUkNaV1ZxbVgzZkx2UFJvUWVuWlhuNUh6/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(616e0a70487d68e4808db042877129df).jpg)
“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” – Unknown LIFE QUOTES LIFE IS TOO SHORT
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMN2R2b0E2TkYyQWZYZTkrQ2FTOTV2SGRBL0huTDg5TmVWa3lHQVFJWE5rc3IwRjEzQXl2S0tLeUd6MU9wNjFidEgwQy9ZdzdGRzNndVVkenV4M05ibjV5Tld2QVZqdk1GTlRSd3gwY3J3NTk%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(b3b3739e61c18cd2d4e635c90d9e54b7).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML1JGTDZWaDRFY0loeFRoend5ZzNEMHRqZWx0V1hicXFvZ2ZpMlJiN3lPRXc3TzVtR3Y0UXp3NXVESVovRlA2OHoydHQ4T0pGbFpSaG5LOWhoQzNENzd0ck9kOW1JeE5ZMGVXRWllRkNXYk9QQkEwTWo4R0k2aWkzdkRVSVVoZjVQMzdNK0FRMHdpQU00SjQ0N3hzN3l3d0d3OGoyNkFMZUpkczJSWGZheWJC/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(687cee2dc111e5ed50c036cfe99702fd).jpg)
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMCtRai8vWTg1N1dRYzRvakszZzZicjN2RjMzYVE3a2lYVmp0UDMra3FhblVEOVNkMU84M01zSkd2T01Xc1Z5bFhRa1V1eVNHeThFZ29XM3BlcElvemdNU1ZhUHlCQnBKbkliclBUNTZsbzZOMGtwdDRKNE1mcTNBSjBFanp0bWk4PQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(bd23abaffb393aa3c7d044411f3ce7ff).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNzY2OXJoRm5JU2FrVmJiTmVjajJOanZXTzZKMzMreXNUREFOUzVWczBKZ2VkYmRlMVFrcDA0bjgzVU50cHZmQlBwTWt1UG8vZmxsM3dHUmxyemwzdldEVjNQTWludUJ5QXNxUk9QTjNleFlGejBtMmNMcTlXVGEzdzZZQ3hZTEVkVHRKa08yL3FwbzdiUk5nM0JpRnZrPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(458f7b9aeee07fd954b6902687fa8f0e).jpg)
“The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.” – Douglas Adams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNDJaTkhUYnpZUythZS9sSm5teEtwZUhXSFlYaWhsdnVpeWF2b24xNU5RSFBxQ09mT3YvZ2x1Si9Gd0xTQW9zc2VHcXJHV1JISlJZU0VZLytJZUZpSHpCMXcxeEJWY05hTzNCclFsRWJRTXllMW0zSlpBR3puQnI2N1ZYWVFDaXF6cEgwelhPbFNjaGQ2MGVLZHhxcXpGTGFDQ0FubEgwQnM4NVNvdUx2V1lJTVVraXcwdlNSTVJJVHRGL2hFNkVCUWo4VTJPUkFidGFRMC9DMktsZDF5az0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(ac2be1ba1bab30ac1b06b143b05ff41a).jpg)
“I always carry a pen in my pocket, because you never know when someone will have a fantastic autograph book.” – Mitch Hedberg
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMeXRmbHZQNHEwYndaeHFoUmJVdlNzMWtrd1FtckhTVE03dnVITnpBUnVRY1NFb1hQU0x1RTJxVkV4NEhIZzF3ZEhxcCtSL0wzVFFqMXpObjZBQTFJSDI2VU8rQTlXc04xMm95MXdjTGZ5OWpKM21URVJ4ZVVCVWloTmo5TDh4ZVdtQnRQQ2h6dDRJdjZ1OGdwaitpNXhrPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(cb27584639a6ed8bac2082e467b30343).jpg)
“Some days you’re the bug, some days you’re the windshield.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML2pCc1hGbGw2R3JEMTFyZXNuZXdNdU1iVlVEOXhZM29QRUtpZW96eVRvOWlqbTQ3dXlaYWpxdXJhaWdQWUhMdGFvMk1Pb0lzOGRWRkV3bnRiNTV3bG52aklIcUtoM1hDRWliY0FFa1ByZE4vZzlxK1ptd2o1d0VGbzhZaGliWmNzVGcxVW5TNTlSNFdvOGFrbzluQWhjQndrTzhiSXRWVUYyZ2tvc2ZLTmVWc3JyeDQvNmhSZCtldlRWWSsrSlZQZz09/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(989c2b20d2e656a244f88a23996bd25d).jpg)
“I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I was mature enough to handle an adult conversation.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMeGtRQnZFOTN3ZzAwVmV0SHpHR3N4cXFuWndQeE4xbmtzcjhGd2JpZW85Rkxnd3hmL29rdWRDTzlIRWpFcmIyeGg5ejBZNng1c1VuU2V6L3BUbVYwRXhCR1JmSEd4Z01TNGxsR2Y2ZUdNQVFpMEU5R2dkSXdBdE8rQVd0TCt5Rkk1bVFWcEI2M0xWeTJEWVd6NGJnMm84dzNRd0FvSUJScXRnUDRSWnBKOC9G/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(8c97891781dab57ba29bfa185c1e195d).jpg)
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.” – Oscar Levant
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNXJSNStFNUpuSVVFMWpxVGEreStJRWlhOU9KbmlZSFhHTFlYMnozMVBBQnhWeGI4a3NoVTUvTkNGOHEzcTRTR0YrNTNuMnNjR1BLalltTVBxNGxPSkhXYk1ndjJqMnJNQUMwS0s3a292UEg%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(62a238d7540658cefb272f606374f6c9).jpg)
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMN2R2b0E2TkYyQWZYZTkrQ2FTOTV2RjdMeTZKZzJoRjFNMzE1VmkxYlozUytYZDlhSW9udHdQNlJFeUlSNGFUTldlemt6K1F0V1dzbnFGTkVRemhTclVFY2R1c0xCUkI3eDdDNGFKU3VRTEE%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(49dd46d3000d70bb61e2f9d9df2d755d).jpg)
“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMkd6UFg1eUE5ZEQ5bnovSVoxY2lpTVZybFpnT05uSndmVHJmOGlaVzRmMDlHQ25EUFhXS216d21ycC9ZbXg0ZFZFYWlxZjdLNmtmVWpKVUxTVWFGOVVjMVNKRThWS1BnSnlheVVWNGttWTVBPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(dcd3ca15161a2aa1ac69cfdf5081c4ad).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot – some parts are missing.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMUJkbVl0MFAzcnNqM2dCVmNmdGIrdjFnbXVMN2p3UmppV2txWHpWY05jQ0tVWG1xU2UwRkxlaFp6MmtJcTJnK295M3dUeGxtemhkZDRpd0dCUTJXODdMMmgyUlpRV2g4NzhzdUxLQ2FmZXZ5SUNKZXdJVmZXWm5lVmVQUWpxMUFRPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(679813638128db37e999fd6d132a650b).jpg)
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvM0I5QlNsOFhIOWFVSGlNYzVJWGc0QUpvbUxna0ZtNHQzcGVKL252SmR4RXJRTFFkTlBNZ25CdmpVNmVucEc0eTFlZ1kwWTBzSTI4TFZrVWUxcjBtZjJoS3ZVMk1JM0Z3Szh6S3BlV25GQnpCamVGVkVFRDI1Q2FaalVRSXR5aUhvbXNYYm5ibW5CVktIRzAzckhkc2luZE1kbzRUTXEyZ3FSNDRDZ3l6Ykdic3JnaVNPSXI5UGxrV0UxeERMZi8xaz0%3D/HUMOROUS+BOOK+QUOTES/(2c9d02a427fae5c792125ac88c0490d9).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me, chairs and tables attack me, and the wall gets in my way.” – Unknown