![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TUlZTV3EyL21rOXRFZ1JWVUErK2dwVXorWDZkN1JyUDMrSXhqYTdEdXVUZDZiZW9XTjVaOEhmM0JaZTVybXJtdzVqZ1orWFFoRXN6VG9rUktnUi9VaGQ%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(baa22d0d74846240374ca65a6a978e69).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjhWbE5IYUNBejNrL0N3czlwbFdYM1FweUMrcVZtVzNPenduQmRSaG0xR1R5SkVXM0FxMklDNWx1cmhpSENUZmhyWUxmWHlLWFlCdlVuSkRKa1VXbExoVTlxWG53YlhkSUh6L043NllyaGJjOWxlS2xUdi9RVG01LzBYdkllUGNURU1TeHlvZWhUektHZzBCeUU1dGs4PQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(34c694780d8b613b0b8c6a6812c89eed).jpg)
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFViYU5MbGRVa0FNNWZuMTFUR2FFTlc1UkhKYU1DTU45d3pxRkFkSVp2eXNERXlWTHhPTldSemNrNWdhQ2NsbmM9/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(bf21d8d807beddbd214d368ce009ac91).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWmF1SnRsbmZWOTBYdGkvelF5YlM2ak5heUIxZGQ1eHQ5U1NPeENGSm43cTdKM0xtcmd2a2FmUFVGempQZnFIUWVsWTRLekNSRmdvUUF0eVBRWVlwckx3PT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(a5e5d6dc3deadaf1da60ad04c37afb8d).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGdqUjhuazlEek4rcDJzN1JTbHdTWnBESmdnek9jYmdIdzVzMk1ib2xBQVo4WFpUcTAvL1FWOEZCNERJRVRlL2JsVWJPVW42OW9OL1ZYUk1rYko1NGF1YWovejF2RkFvU1V5S0MvL3NMSlBwS0xWRkt5eXdlVlBRLzNuclV3WXVnPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(79a49e011a16e7b403235afe3429e741).jpg)
“Some days I amaze myself, other days I look for my phone while holding it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEl4U1ZwT3lsT1RmZmoyMzFtcGNZWFlTU2dhNEJRdHk1TVV2REhyOGRpdHM0anJERG4rYjFqVC96T1JWTTJrQTVHTGNVc2FYd205dUpzYy82Q2dWb2ZhenQ3TGRJSXFPVDRDRFY1NldWUXNoSm00V0I3ODBYanJ2TW9BQUZXbTZBPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(f57dbdc43eb78e9ba3bae129c39e3957).jpg)
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Zzl6VWdrNllHa3F6L2xFM3lqbFpOVlBlSVFPQ1k5KzdZTytIRDE4cDVrMURCV3R6bzBxN2hJWUw3Q3hlOFFUM2JnMG85THFPTmtlUE9IdTNPNkZNcDU%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(bcd69d36e5fc7ab306c113180164b718).jpg)
“I don’t have a bad handwriting, I just have my own font.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWG9KWmRiVk9pY3pKZVJpZWNqL0hJWk41Z1krRXpIRzVqMXU0OUpReTV3bVo2ZUZVRkNFUW82eWFQaVpPNTFFQzJRbEdNL3Brb1daY0Z5bXh4bDVKYnV3RlNTUzNBU0llQnBVVlJzdGJmN3k%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(962dead80581c8a13778160bc3442083).jpg)
“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V2t1U3hKbXFENkZ4d1BDWE9nWllMVlo%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(d51e0e43006b0bdcbf1499fc2cb0ff02).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZnNaWG5NTWZ2R29FYkFEd3BJWHl0cnNSMDl5UVVIbFVDOVI1TWExdG45RVJIdmR2VWdzYVh1Z2N2SUJ4a1ROK2d6azE2dnZzeFJ1YlJYdUZwVHFKWTk%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(026c6257378a0eeae3552893552e7f1f).jpg)
“I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVmdoN2d0NDV1bVhjdnpMOGhod0M4VFM1cG1WRzJ5QjRYeHJqT1NQWnJkREhSTTMvT1NOeWszSUpkRGlzVkxGSHB1M0R6VFlISURKOXVibUZsY2RURHYzZzl3WUNrRFFJVjJUblBsT3FlcTdwOE1wWHVHZjJOaVBuTXcwUmoxTHN3PT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(221c7c4e0708419c9333282794a92fe4).jpg)
“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZVNjckw0U1ByT3VCcngvYWw3V0FidE1xRFB6UkZaN2xOWTgyNDZlMUhscUViRXU0NHZZR1lMK0h4TkliRnM3M3NHTWtWaUltT0lkWlVjbEdBWTh6TWZ5S3dlNnJLQXF0aVBUUjVqSDNLS3JRPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(c34810d56d4c4f604bbf4a4745440616).jpg)
“I’m not procrastinating. I’m giving my brain a break.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlNyQk0ydjk0NUJVUCtKRHgwOUJ5R3l3NjZ0cWt2Z0phQy9PU1BLaDYrMTdwWjlFY1lLT1dQVXhzM3RFVTd0S1JsYW9wZlRScjFlOTdRc1RBZU5pRHR3SXd2VDBoRXJEejQ2Snp4RU0xcHV3PT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(69af5a87289b1aa187b31c7be985c087).jpg)
“I’m not forgetful, I’m just on a constant memory-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDZ1BnWW5sK0phdWRsc21FaWllZyt0T0tTMjh1TGxtSmt2RkVLMm5VdnpHUmg5RHlSMUp1am1RY20xRlhyOTMxdEJnaHp6d0dFWWE1TmJvWjRVSkJUUlc%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(645bc1b00fd819c0883d56a8a5a31851).jpg)
“The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWRIY3ArNy9HTDhZb1p0VFVkc25UMnBwMDNXZXF3Z3VZQ1d2UU5zKzhUM1ZvUTl3STNYLzR4dG1BamFNamNxbW5xc2hyTG5pZ0JhQ085N01zVEZVdWdsMFg1VGROUnY0czkvV2ovMzdURWpUWDNqRTRzWXlGbVBHSmowamtubEM3WU5pK3ZrRzJkQkRZZGdMVktVY3p1YnEvV1RkN3AzdkcrRzhTSVZBUkZRbGFwUU1UOE51Mm1GdmEwbVZhRVduOD0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(71ab05c44730dfdc9ff7cdf66225f58d).jpg)
“I’m not a morning person. Don’t talk to me until the coffee has kicked in.” QUOTES ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP LOVE
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cjBjdVJyNHBjeXVlc1JlN1hWaTgzWmpBdWtDcHE0NUxtTzRNUnhmSmdOK3B4alExRmF1ZUF4RFBkOHJGQ1V5cjVSa0dHR1d1SjZPR05XY1pYSGw0ZmE%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(0762170e152d6baf0753a83805270acf).jpg)
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZU1wbkZkNVp4bWhwRCtZb3F2Q3lGVjNSQ0I2TDYya1l5ZENXZWtZS0prekJqYmRmbDBrT3RhZjQwamJLd0V3b2w4U1MzZW9oMFVwdXduR29IQ3BYTlM%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(5645126f56ff0cd723dac12290000811).jpg)
“I’m not a doctor, but I’ll take a look anyway.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWhqY1E5aVFlaTNPSkwwUE93VXhOeC82TzJLZENpRGdvOVN3TUdGcytmYW5oRDFtb3FabWdUbVk1SlBPVVdvSDg9/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(51e751658cfbfedc52a114433a112b64).jpg)
“I’m not a chef, but I can burn water.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2hyT0hRNVNBL3ByNGZEaENaRlM1WGdMaWVqcmZRcUF5MDZOekk1NkEwMk8wK1RJQnB2U1IxdUVlaW9LMWpBNkNUN0Q5NXNLT0c5TlpTNWRmbGhubHFTS2xFSjBFeEZNWlIyMVNNNGxVU2VBPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(abeb7f2f6feb5d9b48bc3c0f0473a4e6).jpg)
“I’m not funny, I’m just really good at pretending to be hilarious.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVGdaTHdOQUt4bEFMS1BHaktvUWYvT013YThBZFIxMW84NEd6UmlDMXJtc3Z6bWJsL01PZTd2cnpJb3JieVUvK1h1cXFJMStMYkFSMGVoWklrSG8vNEV0UE1zcTdIZzBKeUZleW9VaUVldlE3c3plbndPeE5VTjdNaG5seFF0cllZdGZaQWtERUhSNlRGeUpSYk41QzBBPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(b989255fdb9f31d270183996f52fde2f).jpg)
“Cleaning the house while the kids are home is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0RXYVYwZjJlWGpleXVtTGJkWStTczd6dTNHbFp0SHJTaVJtTkhRMGRETmNTWFN4NUdTSjc3dlBrSEJ4dG85Zk9ISkVUY1Q2L05OdnVrcXdOQ2ErdjNzVzc0RkRlV0drNjVmTExlc3FvMkE%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(b2ce8b915d8ec0f4bb29b3e328193ab1).jpg)
“I may be old, but I got to see all the cool bands.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFFUMUtIRUpQUE16aDhxaGxGazk2VkFKNTFxMlVpeHRWU0tZQ1g5T3pxb2c4d2pzQXNnbHoxeVp1VHdzM0xWd0pWVmIwcFJBUnErdzBDYkREMkF5Z0U%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(a4043d397d168ce96f565852ab793fff).jpg)
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWpFWnNTUHd3ZHh4Mk54NmIxSUIxVDRCTnlNMkRqeG1HbnErWXhKSVM2MCsyWVo1RnRYcWhIRjh2bVFTbTBoMGN4ZkxmSW81VE8yQUlCbVdGaGNvSXM2NDJUMHQ5ZDYyTHZYZnhvMnpxLzg1YTVNQ1VQMEpEMk53MzdqMEJvY2JZPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(8c649bece1a2d16e5afb36b9839ea483).jpg)
“I don’t have a inner child, I have an inner old lady who’s afraid of everything.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aWVxdjMwdFk0QUFYRU9tbElKU1l4ZTZza2VaVWRXSlJmOWF2RVQwNEpFditXZndadVZYOHE5RFJVVTdzb0RPYTN0WkNHL0k2b1hsNWVaUWVQRzU3YUg%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(47cde1b94d8efc29a4574f3108a6a439).jpg)
“I don’t diet. I just eat according to my privacy settings.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNmN0WXVNYXp4em1lS0Y1ZENickxXVExYNHdRM3VVb3ZYYWRtcWNkT3pyU2hObVJxK0lDNEs5ekZtY0tnQjR0aitKeXRiUTRvU0d0QURBUFhpRHR1LzF1Q01sYTdvQkpsL2dqV1NaOEV0Q0MwPQ%3D%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(bff53778274ee2abc4572d6cb1bc61db).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZktyako4N3M3bkkycHhNbk1NVXhmVnlYa3h0RzF0TTRBQ3lPSTlJQ2NvV2dZUFVoejdLUGlyR3EyQm0vbGlJY0Z4MTcyaG51NGRYV0Q0S3BZUm5CUnFBPT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(d2516b68736cc2509345d04571554e89).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0tOR21CT0FGNk45NWkyNHVIUXpOTUxmOHk2NXR6TnovcHFYY1QwMlhDRzAvbDlPdFl0MXYrUlhncFVEcVJCV2I2UTJCd2FwZnNFaXVWUGVKbVh0d2dmbjB0VU5DdHM4aW5KZXR5MW8rSHR3PT0%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(5bf46e17864289d3f05ecd8774d1e8ad).jpg)
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2VYbXpWM0ViN3ZRY3BBNmFLOTdNaHhOZkpwVlMyUlh3U0FrRkp3Q1R3SUl6MjZXajhLQXllMzN4bzhxSTN0RXBpVzhYTXJ1UnlER3VtZkdtNmhzaGo%3D/HUMOROUS+QUOTE+OF+THE+DAY/(331b4ba676b2cc676d5a8a070dda8933).jpg)
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”