I WANT SOMEONE WHO FUNNY QUOTES

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“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

“I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.” – Unknown

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.” – Joan Rivers

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Tommy Cooper

“Time is like money. The less you have, the more valuable it becomes.” – John J. Roberts

“You know you’re getting old when you bend over to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.” – George Burns

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams

“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray WE MEET SOMEONE FOR A REASON QUOTES

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.” – Unknown

“I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.” – Unknown

“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” – Unknown

“I asked the librarian if she had any books about paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you!'” – Unknown

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln

“The hardest part about being single is finding a dog that loves you more than its own butt.” – Unknown

“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

“The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman

WE MEET SOMEONE FOR A REASON QUOTES