![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TUlZTV3EyL21rOXRFZ1JWVUErK2dwVVBTNTljanltL1EvWHVPNm9oZnFuTlVLaG9FMGRVMXdRRHRmaUMxSUlFVUxFaVljRjlncjIrcHU4L0pZZWpVbExJeTREYWd5RlZTSjI4NlV4RTdMY21RPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(d4617595ebd1307b635b9233308ad8e2).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXdOWXlnQkRRMTRuNFJSc2hmKy9VdXU%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(96c71cadea9c7ee7d1c386a18f869a61).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZjFOT3V0d3BSckM4eHZCYUk1N004UjBVenpySWZCaGdpYWZKWmFlaTNqQ1Q1aDkzU2pPSGtNSGgvd3pycm5rMjRVdTY4NnBiWmQ0VmhvMHRjUkdXb0JqRmN3QlRKRWpxbHc4SnB5bXoxb0t4WW1KRzFnb2RpRnZCUTl2MmYvNWw3aUkyTFJ4QzlhUjFnVG5PT1NHTjl1/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(da80857a5231d7b28288bf5e0d8ab955).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUdHV1g0dTh0ZzZYVDNxbHpzTzRwSjJ1UmY2dmkvazdGNnRSR0hQMlBBUGFCbzdFaDlNSjBSWWpXWi80OElNcTN2aUNNcEdWZCtMUklsQmJZVEh0cG9MQ1NRcTk0K0dtWUpHZm1mUC83bWVoY2tZaVpENkdlYlgzVWtRdEh5a296NmdDdmdPV1hWY2JNZjk1TmN6eW9NPQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(b7f9699fc3dd9a11bb0af0aa689718c7).jpg)
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. Worst. Transformer. Ever.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUtsOXc3THF5Q0E3aWRDNTFnQ0F0NEQzSGNoRDhsL3hUUTJqUUU1MU1GSDRxWVhwczRDUVhuSTgvWjh1S2RFTmF3PT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(1ba9c25b8b6b703f57b7401b134827dc).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWEhOOUU3YXl3L3IzakFIUkd5d2JzK1BwZys0TVV5U3ZxRVAzR2tqckJwSVFTQUVXbVBhYXhKZnlYczN5UHBWTUFWa3JZUGNmYlhMMW9lTm1ncVh1Z0QyOXo2MVloMGdjK0N1alkzL2lhMVhhVTdYSnp0eWVpV3RvR3VCUHJyUHpnPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(70f537254165ede7b23734d89d5c8907).jpg)
“Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes, the M is silent.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYndLOFU2SlBFd09CTk1FMDBOZHpUNUlCdnVFNjhuQnFObmUyZXdGSkZOT3BwdUV1Y0RIbzRMNlltdkZFS0pZSnpEUkZTSVJkVWhKeGdOblNrRC9wMk44ekF0dXhKdlFiVTAyaytjdXpEUVU%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(596ad9d7e311345b3c5333f2c0dd8b47).jpg)
“My patience is as thin as my internet connection.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTNmY0VseGt2cUk5S1FMK3JzaWwrVmloanVhWmF5N0V3QS9rR1pXZDhtUVl4bDFtcEZZU2RmbUtpWHMyc2pWcUViNDJwRGdqS0RxMVJUaExxeWZ5bE92bG13THhiRmZ1dlA4OUdET2JWOE9TQS8yODdBRnhYMmJwbW1NVTdieEVadTIzeUE1MkY4bXB3ZmRiV0VDMXpnPQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(dd879c2f52289d6e03fcce5a43ea1272).jpg)
“It’s funny how chocolate can solve all your problems, until you run out of chocolate.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHJtRXNnQkdndWdsZExQQ2ErOU11Wjhvb3VYVXFybFFYRFVzMHNtZnRnaHM4UzhaZ2FFekkrYmxQaTgwMGE5RkNjeTAxZFVhMXRWbTZIN3IzbW8yZkM0Z21qT0VuTGZHOSswWlZiMTdoWEhtWHQ4cGkxMUxId0MxSjZRaWd6NTRZMmtmVzV4SkJpenIvZVRNcHB5NExrPQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(8a3015c4112eb858c6624ff17aabf77e).jpg)
“Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZVVLNUlGUzRkK3BadGZhSE5vMjBrclNwM1h2K1NZVWJ2MzhZUFQ2dmtsamN0QjZOOG5YeEg3M2l5WnY1SCtYWmFvQnlHVlMxNjBMc0F2UW5ZcWQ3R1U3OUw0aEtySnVlejlSRlVoWW5DVVpnPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(de32ca5d2fcf60b8b2aec783693a0f91).jpg)
“I’m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYVJXaGxkdER6KzhMQjhGYW91REhvYVJkUjZsUUpnRTlQTmllL0NBeGNjMnArSlhYMkxZenl5bHI3TmwvSlNHczlTNk51K0kxS2lDckwrVnpwV0IwTk11RVdFYlRLMkFzREZSOGJ3UStyZTc%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(2d01084c28c3b4a91a8599cf3c66297a).jpg)
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVzBGSnI3cWRDNFNPWDJ1N1hpT3hidlV3Z3cxT2t5SWEzYW5NQ2tYT0FodFBHOEo1UTA3UFVZVHo5aEZ6MlJwOHhPelh4NG5HOE5ISGxPaUFITSt0a203OTV2STF6SWNLVEMweW9QdHROR0F1NERFai9sMWN5MzRBMTZDRFhQeUlGNTRXbnArb1AwWk9RYW9yd09telhZPQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(5f50c213a7b3d6c7b9d2647fb40cf8e2).jpg)
“The easiest way to make your wife’s heart skip a beat is to skip vacuuming.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteEtNb1E1bjlPNjBhZkw4MlNBYzV6K2ZZRUIrNkt1U2plcGtxVU1LQlBDTEVaQ2RSTjhiMjFGWjZRVjYyZzB1c3VBWmt1aDh3ZUVWc01DMktvK1g0eHU%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(04aa08fb7e946fc6f5e283d5231a56f5).jpg)
“I used to think I was indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFrT2FaZ0JIemZOblU1eC9uMXhQNG1VOGs2eHFjb2RXMUJRVmU3U0dtdW02alByaTEzblRwd2x4djlCNS9LR0Q1ZmM1WmcxSmppbzNTVndQcklRZ3ZWbz0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(5aeb70615dbf3142af3fe95a26253e69).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” FAMOUS SHAKESPEARE QUOTES MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkdSUEFhWDhuV2Y2VWwycklvWXBrRHdQN3BJMlJ5K3V5UGU1M2NPcjlCb2R3MUR5MmZJZzhLcXB5L1g4eTluRU1rZWhLenFiNEMxUi9CNytpdERTTHBxbVRLVlMrWG1QcUJDcUZNMkpINlRJd1MvVWc3YS9FRWUzZ25ZSHFIb21CbzBDeHRFd0h4aENMakFDMWFDcnJzPQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(55b77cc1b5b451ab136b7917343fb02b).jpg)
“I got a gym membership because I want to exercise. Just kidding, it was for their free WiFi.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNldCeUh0b2NrY2JoVUVrMXJveW1OQ1dEcEQ0a2pibCtDUHV1MmhHRmhmRVlsUVNid2FwQ2h2SEFmdmR6TjNIUlh1K1BNZG9EQnl0NFBaTW95TGtwWWtITmM3ZENTQ1hkZE1SVVlzWnYwN3d6V0tpNkp0MGtub2hyZW5YS1VRdi8v/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(4fc1796e3cf86e60f48e763a412f2ca8).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Superman, but no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHpXeUs0cXJGMU5aL0pHZC9CcDRaOGNJZTN3bzRXQ281NWNWQnlUNGpJRzB2akpEbXAxaGtvd2ZSMnJQR0w3eE5JOURXSFFvZE5LYTgrdmVuZDNiaUR3d0ZNZ2dxUld5Q0lnNWRYaDRxaFBFR28ybzN2bWZ0WE4xem9NM1ZCdkI1SVZxMmJnQlNOZnR2bzZ4UXJkQ0M4PQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(c7710956a9fe8dd2627b4c6f333bbdca).jpg)
“I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth. Now when I talk, I have this weird fresh scent.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWkNlaUI5SDRJSmFtR09HYnk2d2RjeGRrM245dVNsZDQ1NlQ0ZkVMaGY5cXhsYjZtWVVlTTRWMEUwbzVCMVJMaVJ1WUVVTC9FYzdML1hxLzBLOWNlZWl2OGRUSkZTNkw3MksweC8yUUlCc0lxNFJnUmMwcDMzTTZJRGQyWlFhMHNRPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(edb253af50d4b6d3a5d561de19b33efb).jpg)
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWllkOGJVY3IzalQ3MitkK1NuVEt3aElEbXpkVU51QWI3dXlTc21jb0hXZ01lVzBXVWpJb3Y0bFluNGV1S2tZaXBNQ1FwNVd2UEx1S1EvYTF0MUpUOW13PT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(166ef84417db23848b77113b750dd48f).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management. I just need people to stop pissing me off!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY2R3aUZhVmtvTkhzR3BrMVZNNHQwTHZWU0hyV3FSazROdE1PUlhLM2EyNGVqeDR2RVFTdHVEUS9SanpKUHFyMC9ZR1Vwc3dubUkrQjZCalgzTE4vc1l1WkR3THgrbzJhWEFDTDAzcDZPdXBOcnBSakwxb2JjeGdkTlRXVGxTckk0PQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(fec9070542b6e2478fee95a25f4eb3ed).jpg)
“I’m a multitasker—I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZUxsY1BkNFF0UFY4Q1JJZWg4bk9nRGh6ajlVWnhONXlOU0RLdFpSZUR2UUlJWGxRRGZkRUpQR0Qra2J4QzR1T0tQZnJCZXJ5Y3hVeEE1ajNtMjgzQS8vQytuWDhuK25PbU9FK2RibmxBQ0RJcTR4UmtZeVU3TVQveDlCek5pTXNnPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(e8e23b9b0e60316d21d34665a17f8bb9).jpg)
“Time flies when you’re married. Mostly because you’re always running late.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU2I4dlg0ZlVTOTNoOE9jeGszMis0NnhpQ21FMEl2bStSaFFpVWtXL05INWZMNFZ3dXdQY1lLK1NFS05jbVNiYlJTUGMvV3g4WnA4Wm42alRacTMxZEZwUkVqYmRzcHg1dkF3TDV2MUZWQzN0ZUVwWjhVOE5Gd3BMTWZhdkZQS1BBPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(5c5047134b6399e6d73ea93bdadc5b0a).jpg)
“I don’t have a beer belly. It’s a protective cushion for my six-pack.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBtemRZWFpRTnk5ajlTckRmdHVBS2t4SzBIMUozbXpWYTBTdWg1Y1dsNWI1UEkyVDgwT1Q3elh1K0loTmlDSEpMQ2FQSU16UXYrWW1kWGM2bVl6cEJlckg%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(27d423a7f5095a6693c8c01f87dfb1ca).jpg)
“I used to be a people person, until people ruined that for me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWTk3LzZwY0VuT1R0eDE1OStxQ3NUU1FIRk9qYUhYUzROR1V1NHoxWnNQOUs5enI2TkRTU1ZMdG5Iem1yNnlkOGdoL2tmMER3MDNYUDd4NC9jMnErcnFEQlBCVThoTHI1WmJrSWZMeStYdUtQOVBBbjZyVENOdG5KVXhEUFlaemhBPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(2bea9d5b1c77b1bd1683b374f6cd9c50).jpg)
“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFnaDdnUDdvZjlkK3IxdXVqaStFNmFnPQ%3D%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(80d451213f47e4231d7324f33848d5d6).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjlRNVRlTDJVNFFLTUxwcDBaRGpIZ05QejVqcE5mTzZkTmc2cFJ1Q0NEVTRPV0NCY3RiSHdTYWM2NmtnYUkvNDZZRTk4dXAwM2liZHdWdGs3ejdPZElIRGJySTFMK3M4RzNDWkFVMTNWakwyQmF1L01YWk9rMFRJeXJITlo2NEh1TEZCZm1rTDhsVE5hWUVBc3cyNlpzWGJJTk5oc09SekIyQml0ZGVFSHNI/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(10347e86a07c73fea6055bc8fe2cce4f).jpg)
“The biggest lie I tell myself is: ‘I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzM2w5V3lhQ3FwbHl4cFBlbDBBcVozSmVyempPWXUvRG90UGdhQ2FrMm1FTnNRQk96eXd5OFBBNjMvWDlxeDRleS9pb2JWR2JrcTVMUnNUVWJDaVN6SVRXRW5sajV3Uml4U3ZRZkpvNFVXVzNnPT0%3D/I+WILL+MAKE+YOU+LAUGH+QUOTES/(1fd929c0be206ea008bb579f2bccbfe3).jpg)
“If there’s a will, there are 500 relatives fighting over it.”