ICONIC CELEBRITY QUOTES FUNNY

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

“The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is the chance I might accidentally say something intelligent.” – Steve Martin

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.” – John Lennon

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.” – William Shakespeare

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

“I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.” – Johnny Depp

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“I’m not sure if I have the energy to go into a whole argument, so I’ll just agree with you.” – Bill Murray

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want—an adorable pancreas?” – Jean Kerr

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West THAT ONE SCIENCE QUOTE ABOUT LIFE

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh

“In Hollywood, if you don’t have a shrink, people think you’re crazy.” – Johnny Carson

“When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” – Gracie Allen

“It’s not the men in my life that count, it’s the life in my men.” – Mae West

“I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.” – David Lee Roth

“I failed my exam in some subjects, but my friend passed. Now, he’s an engineer at Microsoft, and I am the owner.” – Bill Gates

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart

“I once thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.” – George Carlin

“I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain

“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” – Mark Twain

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright