INSPIRING SARCASM QUOTES

“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”

“If sarcasm burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.”

“Don’t worry, I only talk to myself when I need expert advice.”

“I have a heart of gold, sarcasm of steel, and a mind like a steel trap… rusty and illegal in 37 states!”

“Everyone brings joy to my life. Some when they enter, others when they leave.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”

“Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

“If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.”

“I’ve reached the age where my brain goes from ‘you probably shouldn’t say that’ to ‘what the hell, let’s see what happens.'”

“Not all heroes wear capes, some just hold the door open with sarcasm.”

“Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“I’m the kind of person who laughs at their own jokes, so you don’t have to.”

“Sarcasm is my superpower. What’s yours? Being offended by everything?”

“If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to spend it for me.” BEST QUOTES ABOUT NEW YEAR

“Please cancel my subscription to your issues.”

“I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m pretty close to it. Just ask my dog, he worships me.”

“If procrastination was a sport, I’d probably be the world champion.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are being upgraded.”

“If sarcasm was a talent, I’d have the world record.”

“Behind every great person is a sarcastic friend rolling their eyes.”

“I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?”

“I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m asleep.”

“I’m allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“Sarcasm: the ability to insult morons without them realizing it.”

“I don’t have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without it.”

“Remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”

“I don’t need your approval, honey. I have sarcasm and snacks.”