![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TUTc2NmdPVWlYaUJVYm1kckxBbWZKOGRCSmtlWVhKTlpOUXk3dnRGcWhZL0JkZjMzZDZrYVhuNlFLSGpOSkswa3dmTzV1MThpUlk2RGhISjRYZ0ErOUZxNG1LTnJKdlF1VHNZU1cxeXFmZ21CUVFWRmpFcitMenRQU3l1cHpFaWNzPQ%3D%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(f6bab78668b0f72a126669c2433d91b4).jpg)
“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZlhsSUo2ZFdydE1scmVBajMrRjNJQS9xZ2VXRGFsZStnY21JQzViekRZU2hoMEhIbXVITVNiaE1Qdm9ld1Q4dEdzWFgwcUxDcnBTdDZqZUJlN0laUjZIdGkrNEdyaDNBL0QzekhYVlhIMEo%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(9bcbd90ee23c317f84ccc84eba554c16).jpg)
“If sarcasm burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY1ErNldUQm00dE94Q25FcytNc2UvR3RzM0UwYVU1c1NyY0drVnduL2VFTEpESHpNTURqYlBzSDFhZTdXYitoUmFOZnZQLzQvczJINDN0c1pBMzRlQVo1dnU4SG11ZXdLR0k1M25KdFpubDNkWm5ML0Fyb1ZFTFVWclRmdmZrbWRBPT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(98b3382f33f2eac00a042131490b1e40).jpg)
“Don’t worry, I only talk to myself when I need expert advice.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUtIVVJ4Q1NsVHVBazMySjNmMktsNG91WGNzaEJHTVpRUmlIeWRUdmM0aWhZc2kwOUNlZEkvRTZPUGhzQkRidlYwYXBMNU80SVVPdFVIbTJuQUVUTk5YMmtyWnNoQk1HSUNDRVA4aXIyTlNyY3RQUDRqOHp1T1lOM1FKaWY2UXZGZFg0VzJnUlljeG1GSEw0RU10VEtkNHlHNjVDTlFsejdBMVJOSTNKSkxz/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(da7c80fd12ee4420d3057826f57cc476).jpg)
“I have a heart of gold, sarcasm of steel, and a mind like a steel trap… rusty and illegal in 37 states!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3NqaXExRmlSREFNc0Y4dUVIQUl0SGdWakxJa3Q1VklMczQvUUVobGtNZjBBd3h4a29RL3RzVSt5YWFwRTBZYWRDSWkwbkVzd1MxYnIvZmxHeENNQmtZcmNsNUg3OC9mY0Z4VkpjdDBnV0dDUHlLbjd4aTJVSmtmTW1zNVFjclBBPT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(0185363f37d82be2ef76153a144c239b).jpg)
“Everyone brings joy to my life. Some when they enter, others when they leave.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWjhBSGk4STQ2SEhISktSdUd4ZWZVbzZJcXYzMUJQUnM5QmtXek1KMU82YklHTGF0SXpiUitib3dSVy90TW1TYWVVd0VvQXU5OXcySzczclI3UmtkaVRiZlVmQXFGZEdtT2Q4dUhqdXZnQ1oyZXVVKzhjMkI0c1pwb3p6K21jVmpQbmZYTE9jbHZtVHJBdUVqSkJXQ3JRPQ%3D%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(782b4d232cb839091170d3645da1e319).jpg)
“Oh, I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWEpPRzBUYnBKN3hYVlUvVHFrQkdNVjNITW4zcEVwYWFSa2R2S3BJTXh0YUxYL01QclozV1JSVUwvdHJYUFZQQUtFK3lHTG1qeWQ5RmtqajA2RmhYSmhrTCswWnJEaWVCSERUS3VDT2xHQno%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(ed7d30e61f7cb52ed7a8fc0c3d35b53f).jpg)
“Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzMy8waTdKb0FhSE1qQnBXSmo4QllpTEptQWN4MTMwNjZoMUk3LzNaem4vaU1wSGNYNngxVFdsTHBIWGlvb1grc3lpSFdwUlo5K01mTnFFYVQ3eEZCNDlqcEQ3anJXQ2tmOWg4d0lGdkVKc2hQY2RuT1JhL2x6TDY2OWpYOVVNZGNJPQ%3D%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(9c6f7b9d711dd13c48c2c3d62842fe66).jpg)
“If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZS8wbjAzWFlOaXRqeW9xZ283SFU0Z1JaNklKM0VCamNCdnlUWXllUjgwcmM2SHpVbDIzTE5zREQyOUE1TFo0QzZ4c05mSGFwbFgxYStiZFoySzJOazl1WUJhVFZIc1dScVNyR2FwTWFUd0VlMW1HSU1HeWJibE0vSnZVL1BIUDNaTHN3a2E0YlQ5TU1QVHZJdjl4NC9GUlhzRTVYcEpqdlREbnpibWR5NWhjaFYxMzJNRllWQncyWVpuQW82OTU5NWlOTFVEcWF4eWpleUNEODNRSmlVQg%3D%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(0d21616cb20136a2dc60b6e0b28712c6).jpg)
“I’ve reached the age where my brain goes from ‘you probably shouldn’t say that’ to ‘what the hell, let’s see what happens.'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2ZxMENuK3FtUTJteUdxeUR2dkJuY3d5eDNxamFwVmpjUTZsL3dFWnZQQ3grVTJEeEdqZTZhS01KaUhUUWJHQ1lWMS9sc05rWHo2bm1YYXg3L2xHZCtmcCtkTGVvQXhzeitGb1UrSGphSlRXQzhhOW5kYmE4Nmh2cVkweFpFYVRRPT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(8cc23b9e4744d1ebec4c4406e1d78179).jpg)
“Not all heroes wear capes, some just hold the door open with sarcasm.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYmpvMG4xc05JMzZvR0xoTDdHdFBEVEZ6dzFMMVIzQmNJNzVRSnZwRmZwR0ZpclF0RUtCdDgzVVVXWUZMeERzQ3I5RUR4NjVXTTcxNlZISmFaMXlDaUk9/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(510d7764d73acfbce824da299932e8b2).jpg)
“Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNmN0WXVNYXp4em1lS0Y1ZENickxXVExYNHdRM3VVb3ZYYWRtcWNkT3pyU2pmdm1WNDg3N0VkajlnSkxCNlU5RVZlQytyZTY3MURvTDFVTHozTnh4NWJLUmljaG56ekkwdXZObDVGcllveHZ3PQ%3D%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(9a7955cc1c66c4fb4c258a042b4fcff8).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V2t1U3hKbXFENkZ4d1BDWE9nWllMVlo%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(d51e0e43006b0bdcbf1499fc2cb0ff02).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZk5jOUpWeDBSWEhCQ0hHSW9DY05BM0hhRTNmMzF2TUszUE95akJzMFc4QStsQXhQdkdodTd4QjJ2MmVFaXdrMmRMTnhaZURsSXJKYWR0ZDRPM0dVK29TR3B6bm52K0pMOG9Od3dhYW0yNDl0anNmclkyT245ODFnNHBnamxSeVZnPQ%3D%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(2abaa18c9b2a67cb307aeda9d4455a65).jpg)
“I’m the kind of person who laughs at their own jokes, so you don’t have to.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYmpvMG4xc05JMzZvR0xoTDdHdFBEVEZaY1RmQlRxOXU5R2lBWU94c2pXZXg0Qnp3NXVkcHlZWk4waFFoVkZaYVNvUGQ1bk1teFBFU2dpa05SU1BnVVQxRldEZTIwV2x4SDl4TkZ1T3J5S1ozeHpZSm9tMm0vT3lEZU1MZDJvS01RPT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(a4580d3f4a7beb21e44c3e3c1a4a25bb).jpg)
“Sarcasm is my superpower. What’s yours? Being offended by everything?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUklIMnBqL2JpNFVqc0dRNFd0cWwxTWZ4TkpRTjVxT2NZWHcrNmpjcVhWREkwTFk5YXR5SEtzRnlFeUtzcmp1aEVCU0xFcWtFMXFMR3k2WjRneWlvSlEwRGhjekFzeTAyL2lNcnhGT0JiWHIyeVN1SEtDTFUrcGhwU2UrRXUyYjlrcHVBaCtSeEZtUUdva0VEcHVaTHp4Y2U4Mlc1bG1OTzJpYkplUEVES0N1NU9LUXVNdDBMNUxXN2d4UXhGSUpvTW9iUjVTZG9XN1NpdTVlY3dsK3Jqaz0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(47a52f6f3c72eedad72712d91c82d3f0).jpg)
“If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to spend it for me.” BEST QUOTES ABOUT NEW YEAR
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYnZrTTQyUTd4NEhoL1FhWEJ0WEM2OGs4UVgrZlhjNmJuWk9pemNUWjhINlMwbGhadVRrT09Md0c2TVQrenZ1dExrNVU0dzhvekc1ZWNlVU1kY0VLak09/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(03d76fda631660f024cc74a428c709cd).jpg)
“Please cancel my subscription to your issues.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlA5UFp3aWc3QWVFZHdrQUxqY2hzNnZlcEhnVWJYcTg2akdlQ09hdjVzOU9ZU2t1aHNiZFdMbWs3aGdrazlmSXhjdXJZbXpsNFR4bjZEUkRhSUNxMjk4ZzYyUHA2Szg1dFVXbU1IVWFrOVdZNlBJN3k2eXJzSFBBOGZXZ3FkczJmL25UODdlSlpEOWgyV1R5L0c5Z29y/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(b6b2e120833f1fa44677909c076ccdaf).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m pretty close to it. Just ask my dog, he worships me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZUFjNFdmMHBUV2I5N3NkdlRGV3lNU2YyZ1djay9QV3kzWVlZL0cxWXBuWk9RMVZETllZdWlJditpTjBsM0pOUlN5d01MeWxJSjBYT3RkTFQ2S3R4S3J5d3FhY3FNd21leFlVNzdEcUlwZ1VOVWhmNGNEK3pzMnBmcTNzOG1kMlZBPT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(a06caebac9e3ac7be44526d4c45dd617).jpg)
“If procrastination was a sport, I’d probably be the world champion.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYUkzczB6Z0wrKzRic3JiVVF0SmRvMUZhalozRTBka0lsNTZkYXYrQk42OHo%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(736d218d9e10e45ad62590e7b1097ad2).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are being upgraded.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZlhsSUo2ZFdydE1scmVBajMrRjNJQ0FEZVAxcE5aZHBnSEQ0ZFlFa3pJenBmek5Gb3l6dlBWTnhrQjFjbXFpckd3ZUk4K29xd1RwSXJNZ0ZMT0tnL1lqTkpiRDVWRVFGOXp6K3VxQUY2K24%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(888ed4cf9ad3708521ecf5dfcb9b26be).jpg)
“If sarcasm was a talent, I’d have the world record.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUp6SWlDQ21oZWlVekt4K3hJMTM3cTZJTmwzZ0ZsZ1RkZFNsNXFBRHcwTzBWSUJ6L3NKRjZNTlBjWGNXOS9icklocVYrQjBBWjB0S1FhdXhKc1VIWFdOTi8xeTYxQTJLaTVQL2Z2b08xeDdINk1CcjZJQit2aU4wR3UvWHg4cldRPT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(2811a2643944917490e544922200f965).jpg)
“Behind every great person is a sarcastic friend rolling their eyes.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY1FnN2VaQmVXU3RRZHVXSEJLV2RXaFRSa0lUVDR0cHdNZy9tL1M5MXZoS3FLbGZRYlEyWTRyRlhRRDAwUHduazg9/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(9ddcdb63d0d41104479a8341ea932471).jpg)
“I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY296KzgyNHFHcEZyemljOFRJQmRrOGxiUllKd0VHT3FGc1NoNjlSUjVrSEhKTjc4cWdHeDU4ZmZVVkdHc2Rhd2Zyd3crSThZSVBNYmhlbE0yMTN0cHA%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(39b5244b30c4f31e4b4c4f6dd61eda31).jpg)
“I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m asleep.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY3ZpUWQxNkZMU1pLWXB6Nm92OWg4Yk9pUUdxSGlOc3dCb2Vqc1A3VUVJbm5leE5aek8zSVE3OFVxK2tPdTdaRWhwQXViaDJna3VDSkVDc3RjTVl5NTk%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(10890846247ea1d41f093328a8b0a0c7).jpg)
“I’m allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVm02elNLYW83akZyV0dLWVYrK3l1bzdTQWl0Q2h1NE8vanVqTzJsb3hTZVo%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(d8c401eb8f2fc775c3819afcc0d7f3c3).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWEpPRzBUYnBKN3hYVlUvVHFrQkdNVjNITW4zcEVwYWFSa2R2S3BJTXh0YWgxdXlrcEJ1VVBIa1hyYWxVbm1Vbit5NjFUUlBVRjJwajJmWURsMC9ML3NsZjNoOW9jcG9nd0QxdERZS1orN1M%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(7a319d9a1770172321c10e673bdab6dd).jpg)
“Sarcasm: the ability to insult morons without them realizing it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVBid3hNanFBSmJxOTlNWG5jTVJyZFl5K2pHb1A2aG5TTXE2Qzh5SjhNNWRPMU8xdUJGZEhvOWwvTjBMOHF2VW1MOEYxRWVJVlZEVURSK0tXVDVsU3lMRkhIRVp3V2ZORjR0TU81YW1vWGl3PT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(2664561bba69eb6d75a9bb6c9a31cb45).jpg)
“I don’t have a problem with caffeine, I have a problem without it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVWFWY3RPc0pvT05QcWorWmppYUM1UDV1OElocE5YeUtjSWZPM3g1bGZBUjVFZHR0WXlxY1Q3WlpYRkFuMVN6UDBaNE56Q0dJR3E0Q1VlUTViZ3doWFNQelo2TEFra0FpenFMS251SktnUkRmbGFCdDJFSWZXMEEwL3gxdHlGTm5BPT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(913bc51d9deffd771ccba05ec526b24d).jpg)
“Remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aFR3N0RxZ3NxS25NclJRTDNHL1ZJR3d1T2o5VFJNQkU5M3AxbjIvcDhtby9zaEFsdHdmS0crTkIrYWlGcE5xSDFVT3o4WTdjNU9NZ3d0UmN5Z0IwLzJYWFZseFpkWFNiN2pTczBtTG93VDR3PT0%3D/INSPIRING+SARCASM+QUOTES/(3b188636367ea6371c0b167096c911ca).jpg)
“I don’t need your approval, honey. I have sarcasm and snacks.”