![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVitycWlwejQ3YzlTRlF0azJ6WWd2UUMyblA1MjcyZDlxTGUvTDMrQUExTlBHNWRQQ013djZzdnJCV2dObUlKbFNlNnlybFE4WjFKMGVyL1JUS1BHOXQ2amE4K2NFQ2F4b0NZdENKRUlKVHFTdExNeDJtY05wL1dEeC9NVDhhRHVnPT0%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6b5b9be6d795befc40f0725c522149c7).jpg)
“I told Peter I could walk on water, but I never said anything about ice!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRTblU1OUpvbUpoSTFnUEo5NEgrNlNacndlZjd3dHZzOEdlTmZIdmgzOHpMNTkxU2wxemFqWENRTFNmbUcrVGUzQnBGbmdkditsY0hTSDNLbnNDSk5UN3dnSnNTUHZXRk1UZGFiZXpaaVo%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ceec2b7a56cc28e360fe7b50189c5fb9).jpg)
“Why did the chicken cross the road? To follow me, of course!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU09ZckljS005RERHdGFTSndIRTdYb0dHSmxlQUZmbXRKZ2phbG11dWErVXVtNW1rODYyTFVEWjl0V1V4WVFXY2M3OU9DbUp2YjZjUmNjWlE2SEdEOXVPaUhpOEF2Z0lGVlJ5OUVtR1I5VHI%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(b870a7f0c9e1b39c1e2d9fc3b36a4c24).jpg)
“Blessed are the cheese makers, for they shall have a grate life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUVdYZDRCUW95ME40cWZJbk51WW1RWitsSXE4ZlNMQTZZbFZDcm0rT1NyOTZTbGZGVHRjK0JlWDBoRmhtaVZCNFEzbFYwMUxtRzhlc1hIbjdMbWIrQkJycGZ0T3lRVENQazhSQ0wyam0zamFkUkNXWlVkN2plQ3VWY0RFT2Y2bFp5M0laMG45TkNWdWhjeHBnV3lxbmtJUzlheFNPYkQ1ZVdlcG9CejVVSlpZ/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(d5c32c9d4c51025137158ee3ea775612).jpg)
“Love your neighbor as yourself, but maybe take a break from borrowing their lawnmower every week.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHNhdC9qNWs0d0Q2dTczR1c3MHhpNTQ2TjNHYjBNQVQ1UmpPZG56RzNhZ3F0SXhpY0doUHR1K0ZGT01icnN5ZU9pcS96WHdqa2hQc3c3SUR4ek9GY1Jvb0VyVURKODhlNkZPNEJqSmVSYUFhWHFSdkxSYnJsemdHTVBVRXh6a2N3PT0%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(b7f1aa30d9bfc286a702940fa5bb3d93).jpg)
“Can someone please tell me how to turn water into wine? Asking for a friend.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYXNzSUJoeS84bHFVMFl4eVNkcmRmQmxuRGRGS0ZtMkVucHJWT2NPLzZ1RkEwRS9OMExmalplQ1ZxQjlCV3pFbEVXOW1yajFvUkFnRmVoWVJ6Yy8rRzVVWDU4dXNYU2xuR1FDcmRsVjcwOTV3bTNUbnU2UlBxTU0xcDdJUHVPOFNRPT0%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f0d508ca488d73f220834f66854c8b40).jpg)
“What did Jesus say to the tax collector? ‘Rise and give Caesar his due!'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkQ2R3ZhU3gvdUxheW40WlkwTExiZHN4ekpoQjMwT1o0a2E5ak02UzFmZDNlUEY5WGNwWDU5NXVoSkhsajlvSE5lcWtVdHVtNmVqWEdwZHArQU9NMFR1cVlhU2RkOFZGUHA4UU5CWWJDWlZLTWN0NWhKT1ZJdWlHVWdWQyt0VVQrQ1lWU1VmVHBtR0NvRzI0WlVpNHJ3PQ%3D%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7ac58d816e78ca5cfc1eff06703ace8f).jpg)
“They say I can turn water into wine, but I think I’d rather turn coffee into productivity.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UE52VHZlYlZrSnlTazArRVVmaHJ5RWt1T3A2amJwS0xhbnVNSjMwQ2dKOFlDVlF2aTJpa2FMcHNsVzcreTkwQ2ZrRE9WRXJvbTJ0S0h2R3JyZUpvdVVM/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(c144d5898cc190d6eb306b39ae9e664c).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, and that’s just fishy.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWC9ScEIwd1QxdnNMek9zUTg4SWZiNTFSaDZEd2FuSjBhSWpzUHRVVXVTQUdwR0dNa3Z5QTFML3BOSzAxSzN3amo3Q2w3a3dhUi8vQUYvNnBValFMd24wQnFSNUdydWg3a08xZmFVV0dIRnk5M3RSdU5zYUowRWZ6RmhnTG1QWFhLMmYvWnQ2SkVqOHBZeWVucnBhK3FiRVcxWDdtRFlOaFhSUUpiZ3hzbldkOWp2R3l3VzU5OFNMNnlwOFVjQVpLQT09/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(2a5bcb013bd216fd5f6aec613be6c2b4).jpg)
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about the calories of its own. Each day has enough dessert of its own.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkQ2R3ZhU3gvdUxheW40WlkwTExiZGRqVUhNTXIva0Y1SUQxQ0R5WnpYU0NQbi9PckNaRUJ6alFKeVRIeGx4ZFFib01tazB1NWV6Q3RKY1Z5UE9pM1YxcVNCeTZRMUpMd2dEcm1mYnhueU15Vmo1dFByRkJlRmhBSGJOWUQzMERkUUszeHZSSnlzVzVzTHV3enV1bnp4VXZ4TmpCb2cydkNabFkwc1FPanNU/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(359a9ae7ba6670450c660b5425833b89).jpg)
“They say faith can move mountains. Well, I haven’t seen any mountains crowding around me for a chat yet.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnhmY2ZFd2lvRWNHcllFL3FWU1pJdXU1WVR4MzdNd1JPdVZSNWhuOFNPVUU3SWI5QktFQ2FTSXo1dVk0bE5FU1ZUZ2RuWng4U1NTUVI3S1ZGSFFDY0o1MmdZVWNoOHpFMmp5MWdrWVJLVE9BbnNoSXNkRW9yS0ZWZTNHWWhFanNTY2JGYmV0QU80NVFNdVdUK0VpMXZJTm10M1hvS1lCcmpjZUs4ZmxGNkZY/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(087319af196de460541503dcf7bc19c5).jpg)
“What do you call it when Jesus performs magic tricks? Salvation-ation!” QUOTES ABOUT WHEN FRIENDS HURT YOU
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWGFvMjVkVTgxZmNQYWdudjBHNm4zeDlTbUduTW5kaDQ3QzRuUVcwaTJrSkFYQys4K1hBSHZEdmFMbHlUNWhrZHNDV0VISGQ1bURCV1RYa1NGRXpFMnNNYWFnSEp0MXlVT0J5WGZrTDFXbDNBUEUxcC9HYi82QVhvR00yelB0ZU5BPT0%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(0e481737f4d93b79b7754a762b22923e).jpg)
“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRTblU1OUpvbUpoSTFnUEo5NEgrNTVzcnR6Rkg4QmlWcnRxMGN4VEo0QVo3TlhHeFpCQWZ2Z2t4bnpJOGRrSnB3Y3pjNGkzRlVnM0VROHFtaTN6RFVXQVBORFRWVGdsY09mTThkOUdBYitHbWQ0MFJ0Uk9lRktyTk5iUS9oOVNyZVJEcDl5cVUvREZlRjJyR3NObThJVm1senZwZDNzaEVxSGM2cXRXemt0aGRMekxHSlMyS29wL1crL0xqNmJqSTczRHFuZ0toQ1FNWTg3NXFUVEFDTT0%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4bfcbb43deb3d780b2b023a953271a70).jpg)
“Why did the fig tree refuse to bear fruit? It didn’t want to be called a ‘fig-ment’ of Jesus’ imagination!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWGQrc2RhaWUzY0ttcXNnYkpZeHBhYmVoS2cvQVBkc1Q3VEp1ZVh3SWNhbVNWSXRZS2pmbnNjT0o1cXNsTWpncDdvMjJMN0tZRmN6b2pWNk0wT1pRYUk1N0xGWUg1TVJkbUJDNk1heGUvcHN6ajRqOS9HT2g5M3pGS0NpbkNKTDBRPT0%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(621ee83f9e5b7b5256cea68516e7e59d).jpg)
“Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jesus. Jesus who? Jesus, take the wheel!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU09ZckljS005RERHdGFTSndIRTdYci9xTnZsbmIzd1Brcy9WUWVzYWhtOGRmS29GZHZ2WC9NZFExbEtOMFpyQ0NWcFlXOVlTTkRyYUlRVXpNcjVmOVB2RU5Hak1IK0xuK0RFdU1sb1JCOVl1Z3d6anFmMjRzSGtZblJ3ZTVqM2Nkam0yOFRMNE9CSVZERVpudFRoNkN3PQ%3D%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(35a4d8c8170f156674647b98bcfd6818).jpg)
“Blessed are the peacemakers, but maybe they should try using bubble wrap instead.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUldPNVk2Z2ZHZmZLL2NDamwxRm5SYm92dDFaN0x0MTk0am5XdmJpZGpLK0VGa0RFNzdUS0dFN1E3MnhRZE1zcTcvbVNidWVXcUJ2em9nbnM0cnFJUWMxOEJaS3NwOURCaExaUVBZTGVwY2hyTFptN1J2aHRsK3pOdUJYVEFRQXVDQW9CaU9KZkFtQnZXS3ltMWp0SXVTNWVzc1Y1NnczZTdpUUFXRmR4cGJQdWFCb3hoZW5FeVErZXRmTlVEY0VTQT09/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(3964d24483aaf793d3541b3174f1be51).jpg)
“I can turn water into wine, but even I can’t turn Diet Coke into regular Coke. That’s a whole other miracle.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYkNYVnJWSDV4QkNNOXVra1lUaXZKTkVja1BuZERiOS94N1dxYTVScHVLaVZhdnd3UE9xcFJJSjhTQzdFOG1xejdzZFZOVlRJaGkxZUt4cmdjemU4ZGlnWVdORld1OWllZ21DbzhnMEZod2g3UmdsdGE5K0w2WEE4WElhZVVDTXFUT3J1UlVwUWI5K1dJTzBMRUZIWGFtMWpuMVNTVG9CTmNabXB1MnN0K3Mz/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6bad9f12701248c9297ced8d85b82352).jpg)
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Unless it’s about Wi-Fi connectivity issues, then feel free to panic.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYVBYelNVVlZob0NxZFJSeFJWQ3BkMncwTFc2V2EvN0dXTHNhUHE3VDZIQVRxM0p2c1l3SURUQ2szTEpreE1selVhSzE1cVJDUmdFQzNub1ZWdGx2a0hqNjlXanJqV0UvelNYc0VFbUJSa3I0bFBmWG1HRnk2a04zQzVFVkJZdm5BZG1HYVl5R0MvZk12eVdZemxQZTFqa0FQSjBkYkZ0dmpJbG1ZakhCQ0I1/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a521f354189ee6d0fbe66d738e981221).jpg)
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Unless someone wears socks with sandals, then it’s fair game.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUVdYZDRCUW95ME40cWZJbk51WW1RWmhrZDZlbUVVVE9sT2dZU3piczBHb2NpcVgyZjdkbEZkMTdsUWl5bWVhVkRSYmJidENEODVSdlhhMDZURTFDOXdnT3JEU1pDeDZLZkExZjVCSE96VmtWNG9SeHFVTlpLRE9PSXo3R2xnZ2NQaGJ2R2lwTWIvenF3SmNaUi9FQUhCTWpEOUxCamlqTzAzMFB5dEJoTlV4TkI1dmZrZXl2ZDBLZ0NRdlhLWU13QT09/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(0615315fbcb0f0f25c82fbd54ceb6792).jpg)
“Love your enemies, but maybe steer clear of them during family game night. Monopoly can bring out the worst in people.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjQzM0wzdHRyRm0wa0tQM2I4OXhSY0VKa2EvWCtSWTc0WkxQN0VLNGJrMGRHakZRSXVDeTUrZExXUlFhT3hXNlVzSEtaWU1jQTFvZzNTeGxGZlRLRXRTbGVVRkxzSTdPU0V4cDJxMXpqbkVlWGwwdHlXRWF1WUN4cVRYaXlFNGE0V0plNU9tSmtjUzFGRzhGRTNuUXdJPQ%3D%3D/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f270e7023c83b648a5d5889c28200048).jpg)
“In my father’s house are many mansions. So, anyone up for a game of hide and seek?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWFZuOEV5YUpsTUg5eG1iOGVpMnk1MFRwTlRmSGdMZFNKTkNoOGZ4cEdOL0ZIM1VqOFk0eVlvUEVsOGxCcldWOTNDdlZNMGJwcisreHVPekp4QmdweXZUVmR3cFJwc3lrU0FKdGlFWWZHazV1REFkaGZvWmNGdTBJMm9SWk9RYnNmOG5xemVERUx4aVV6eTFlVW0rK3dWbU9qKzNzWWMwTG1xajhvMERJSmFabk9wVjd6aGNEc3VEYnFEU0wwaFdTQT09/JESUS+CHRIST+FUNNY+QUOTES/(27135d28af806f6f922095c9e468b434).jpg)
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for my yoke is easy, and my Netflix recommendations are always on point.”