JESUS CHRIST FUNNY QUOTES

“I told Peter I could walk on water, but I never said anything about ice!”

“Why did the chicken cross the road? To follow me, of course!”

“Blessed are the cheese makers, for they shall have a grate life.”

“Love your neighbor as yourself, but maybe take a break from borrowing their lawnmower every week.”

“Can someone please tell me how to turn water into wine? Asking for a friend.”

“What did Jesus say to the tax collector? ‘Rise and give Caesar his due!'”

“They say I can turn water into wine, but I think I’d rather turn coffee into productivity.”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, and that’s just fishy.”

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about the calories of its own. Each day has enough dessert of its own.”

“They say faith can move mountains. Well, I haven’t seen any mountains crowding around me for a chat yet.”

“What do you call it when Jesus performs magic tricks? Salvation-ation!” QUOTES ABOUT WHEN FRIENDS HURT YOU

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“Why did the fig tree refuse to bear fruit? It didn’t want to be called a ‘fig-ment’ of Jesus’ imagination!”

“Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jesus. Jesus who? Jesus, take the wheel!”

“Blessed are the peacemakers, but maybe they should try using bubble wrap instead.”

“I can turn water into wine, but even I can’t turn Diet Coke into regular Coke. That’s a whole other miracle.”

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Unless it’s about Wi-Fi connectivity issues, then feel free to panic.”

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Unless someone wears socks with sandals, then it’s fair game.”

“Love your enemies, but maybe steer clear of them during family game night. Monopoly can bring out the worst in people.”

“In my father’s house are many mansions. So, anyone up for a game of hide and seek?”

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for my yoke is easy, and my Netflix recommendations are always on point.”