LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS QUOTES FUNNY

“Why do they call it ‘rush hour’ when nothing moves?”

“Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.”

“Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?”

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.”

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.”

“I’m not afraid of ghosts, but I am afraid of the cupboard under the stairs.”

“Do ghosts ever look at the living and think, ‘How do they hang out in their invisible form all day?’”

“Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?”

“I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

“The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.”

“Do trees have WiFi connection in the forest, or do they just have good ‘cell reception’?”

“God must love stupid people; He made so many.” THANKS TO DANCE QUOTES

“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”

“Don’t steal, the government hates competition.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.”

“Some people need a high-five, in the face, with a chair.”

“I’d request a refund for all the time I’ve been awake at 3 AM.”

“Why is it called ‘common sense’ if it’s so rare?”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”

“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”

“I’m not clumsy; it’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the wall keeps getting in the way.”