“Some people should use glue instead of Chapstick.”

“I’m not saying you’re stupid, but it looks like you go to school for the free food.”

“You have a face only a mother could love… from a distance.”

“Your family tree must be a cactus, because everyone on it is a prick.”

“I’d call you a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.”

“You’re the reason why aliens might be hesitant to visit our planet.”

“You must have a Ph.D. in stupidity.”

“I’m sorry, were you speaking? I couldn’t hear over the sound of how annoying you are.”

“You must have been born on the highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”

“If you were any dumber, we would have to water you twice a week.”

“Your ambition and talent must be siblings because they’re both missing from your life.”

“Are you always this dense or are you making a special effort today?” APRIL FOOLS DAY QUOTES

“You have the personality of a wet cardboard box.”

“Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in a zoo.”

“I’m jealous of all the people who have never met you.”

“Your IQ is lower than your shoe size.”

“The fact that you’re still breathing is proof that Darwin was wrong.”

“You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”

“If laughter is the best medicine, your face must cure diseases.”

“Somewhere, there’s a tree fighting desperately against becoming the paper your resume is printed on.”

“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”

“You’re so full of yourself, I’m surprised you don’t have to pay rent.”