![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVitycWlwejQ3YzlTRlF0azJ6WWd2UWdMdkJSRTVMZjM1WXNGTmVYaXNaUVduMHZMZXcxZk1weUVya2ZHZ1hxcldldERZVXRBMnFnSXJQY3g1YSswRkdVOVd4eXVXaHorclFRU3lzYjNaZ1p2MkJGSWlQQTQrYzFReWUvYUFUb2t4Y2VDMVdYTlVhZFJGMFhDcFNHM2FNPQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5e4b4a63595ae824c9e274df4358932d).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMmpFSFAvS2pzdDZWSER2QkxTK0ZjckhhRlBaK1pkQ2VuLzhzRGd0bFhJWlpGckRVMFJWY0UwZStwNXJpQU1iQlN3M0pOOXBTM3FqMmpPMVppbkROTmlMRXpYaEx2ODZYV0JhbDZOdE1Uc0NnPT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5ffab68a5a2695f9d7ff183447f1de4f).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMeS9xNGNpcHM5ajI5QkZaRjFHZEZ1d05SSG8rSmFzeGNOcXlzRVFSMXBlQS84S0NKZGxqVnU0U1gyL0MzajBQWjZhWUJXN2IyR3dNNmtBd09seUtpbUVRazQ5cWlIY01Ra3hkRjNxWXZweFdUTHZFUysvdkpTMC9tYS9EVFJhUlNIWXkzVkxuYkZTYThMTFdxZTF1S0k1c1BjNHowUkxkd0VocWpmVUJYOVYyam1FQ2NlNE9mSDVjQmdoSnh2M0xqeHYrUWQrV2JBam9iTllaOEpyWm00Yz0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e872e52287ef3f3ce679dfecb57fe503).jpg)
“Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMzlmZ2QxWEFOUWh6UVp6OXBEcllZQyt6dW5hV0MxSWJXa3JmNkZ5dkFDUmw3UUhVako2QS85aGxDZHpJdGQrMElrZ3IrakpxNWtJa1lvTGhicEt5NGNzUEJUbUxjU3F1ZDJkcmZwd0NDN2ZKNExlcWJrdlN3ckNTRGMrNk11c2RJPQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5ff7b18afc3562e76f7d1353b0911859).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to create gravity.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMnNoOVBKYlZOYS85V1c3UTdZUGdwL3JyeXJGZlNEdmFlMXN2SjVEMkVyTGV5K29iZ1NLQmkvN0djVVBKZnM4ODhzY3NQZUtOSTE4enhUTE9OcWRkTGFGVWxaRnJGRjgxUXhjUnBtNG9NWVI0ZDhuajhXeTZRTVpKLzJTZGExMmhMV0dHSXRpM1I5ZU5ySDFpeTlidHMrb3Y3VHl3RXQ0SE4xRzQyTW81RjQ1MWRxcElNZGZZT1J6T3pwSEVIcEUrZnl3d2RyN0tnMUdQRDZ6US9vbGNRWDVXSzNxZnVCa1hJcnJ6c2xnOFY3S2dJbmFKT0FpZkZXL1ZxT1l4TTNneVE9PQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a7fc4ba6997ec73b43e90d401b0dd206).jpg)
“I live in a world where people can’t stand to be without their phones for 10 seconds, but somehow can survive an entire weekend without toilet paper.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNkhKTzRadGJqREhMZnFZalFQaEViKzFlSythbjZyU1hyL2RPZmZpa3lCWlJhczFlWHJncjdpdkhYdUZhejdWOGtPN05TQ05OczVEU1BtemVSYlJIeTY4YkxnZzRlenJRQ25uNUhoVGRTWjdieFdRWHh0aWtBUzB0VDZhMk1DZ2F6S3o1YkNidFgxd3lPQ2t1OTMrdW5IdDRjazNOWkRTSVdSWThRNDBSaWk3/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5713ecd9cebfb38f67fe8b4cc70566bd).jpg)
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNlNsM2ZoUG5NTmVKQlNJN2pmTzUxamZJK1diT0ZMVGYxTHV0WS9rTVRJQ2k2TTZUbVhQallVeUNGU09EaTA5M2VVWUdlTktXcEV0V3BTaGdsZkV5OFJFTDdPQi9HeGpjQ2FRa0syK1RLNlB5NyszdWcrbjRiOVBkY205dFcycmlTRmJFUkdJZ3hJVTJzS2V1OWlOY3Q0PQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(c16fed1da15f055a0938114b0acdba26).jpg)
“I named my dog ‘Five Miles’ so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd1J0dUNybVlRVCtsRkh4OENKbVZkREpHOFhOT1FPcXJSSk1sYml2YkVQR21wRm1BRTZGZlJSZHY3YWE0U3RKVFJZcUdPSGJnVWtyVWRlVjkxV1NaU1d1QmZHc0lJVklvdXE1NndURTNYQ0VjYlc5WFZNTXp5MVlwdUZyamg0NjNIN0VHRERycnBQZlZoRGtoVGFzcWhnPQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(aa99421bc5548faa7bd0f19c70612261).jpg)
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML3RxSWo0ellRekJVcENMUEl0THhHeUdyUzFRTTdYNTFIbkRPOTNXL3lOYXJCUHMrV044WTVhNSsrdU1aMmpQdVBqZWw5Ky9EUjk3bFZQNmpHb0dOSU1lTVM4cWMrV2Q1MEtFZjllUDU5V2V3eFFOYjVwbFVuNXhZSjNEd2Vjd2x5L2k5cnNUWFBJRkdsWmNQWmxmaGFYRnlPWmczYjV0a09KZ3ZGOXA5eU03RTFEZ0FjNWxwUFQwbEk1cnIyc215dy9Mbjh4cHFVZ1NLUEtaQlhUZEJDST0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6649967bf12050d731eac251de47720e).jpg)
“Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have three-day weekends. They just don’t know how to manage their free time.” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3UvbEpnWjBlVjVSaVdmWkYwQVFrOUk5RCt2VjR6VGpKcHJOTGoySTdhclNxanpsSkF6Sk5GM1hzSFk1aDhmbEVmS2NQUGU5U2tQMjBYRnpSM3dmb1pyOW5OZXA2MUhwMkdrN2plVk5CKzhLU2lDbVJkQzUxQ0VXc1B4RWpZSTA2SjF2d3BzRVBHQ2x1aXdPQjRuUmU3VFV4dnIzSU45SEJoK3k2YzVHTlFqc1AyeG1vby94MURVVWFBeWZjanR6L1ZSVkh6NHpWenZvYm5HZjRRNVNENGxUSllNQTlTQXFVcWxqWnFERnZrNVE4SldTT0t0SkZMZGZnazcvb3IzWTMwY3VyRWN1ZVlzQk9KaExqMG4zZGs9/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(d0d6b305eb0c87ff91011c5a7f6ba956).jpg)
“I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.'” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMN2R2b0E2TkYyQWZYZTkrQ2FTOTV2SHdKenhsMTN1RmFjWU83bVpOaE1sWkRCdmRiZzZxY2tidVdxZHlGM3JlWW14SmlzMnRlN2QyMWlGSXpVS1dybEFGdkIvZDhUN2ZwQnd6b2N2RTNHZlBOLzNDdGh6RllmKzBTQ3FjeWlyVVBBPT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(9a8dfe31bbb641b3484d87097144ddc2).jpg)
“I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMM1ZPMytuTG9hL04vRjN1QWZtdmNKcnpZNHB6N3A2UGUzbXE5S25ZK3RsVHJKNTRLM1ZMREdVYy9Fc3FDOTEvdDc1SU4rb0FENXdzZy9makcvRzF6ZmU3aEVSMUhidFJTSE0yZHNoZlcrUkNPcW5GT3dYTDEvQWNBbmYxRjVXRXVsMXVIbHhZSThjYi9Xdk8wUU1JRHRKOHNXdys1N3gwVmNVV0hpcUNLa01zUnZnMUJkNmxzOXpxcnVWSlB2VFpRMVNDMGp4YnNZTTJrOVJCSmpaUkZDN09FMnlJdUhDYjJZVGp4ZkRCQWtrNg%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ea7791fb368b956e5f2d9a6ed199388d).jpg)
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” – Billy Connolly
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd1J0dUNybVlRVCtsRkh4OENKbVZkREwxTGZvM1E5QklESDBSaS9ibDI0UzEyVS95Vk9sVFB0QnQyTFgzaXdFeGkxL3BjSng4Z3BmcjlHc2U1THNzL2Q2cEUwaVdFOEU4dWkycDFLN0dLQWorNS93M3hlUDB6eDhwSEZKRkNjSFZRPT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5a78373d94ebae929d3b93065ae918b0).jpg)
“Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd3VsS1kvcHdzSWc1Mk10cW5RejUvMWNydVNWd0hpUHQ1RnllV3FwOG9mWFYzektXZ3l2Y0lGQjZDYm1IYi96KzlobEp4cWhRVDdUbEQwUWVGZjJGdDc5emVlUWZTZDFlV2xBaEhxZXhuNU9neHQ5QmVuNlU2MlViSGtuMjNOdDdoWGY1VFQ5MWxpUW5jb3RRL1VraEJEY3hTdlNubUk4YVZCdXo2c0owUGwxM0ZPUEJibGtMcHdZTFYzNlBlNFN2d0FFeURKYWNUc3l3VEdpV2xGeHNaQlZFL25sTUtrdWpPazlsMWFYQzM0eQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a7496557d56ab6a85c76904fb562310d).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown FAMOUS QUOTES ABOUT IDENTITY
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMenNaYitKZW1GaWF3M1Exbk1odW8zN2tnSTMxaWlveTJiSVBna3VxeWhWdGxDMW9xd3NCK0cxeFlFWGcvRFFkbVJZbDJNejRHU1VUZ0loVzN4dHFCNTZJYWJ2d2c3b1VTeXBwaXRXUnFOT05RdENhbTJPdjhrVWpHUWJYS1pWYXcyZDAxK0ozb1JRSVExVmNCcWpFR3lLK3F0SGRBWUF2Ui9WUUNyczlQNkg4Qmpiektqbko5SGpUSkhocU1yVkd4ZXp0VXVLZGN0aFNJd1Njd0FEeVYrUT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f386a2001dcf01b3b3d9d0d6052de5aa).jpg)
“My cleaning lady told me I should do something about my messy house. I told her, ‘I already did, I hired you!'” – Anonymous
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNVliekpkbXZ4QVFzMW1wZFBOMFVBdk5UL2Foa0R0cmRqMi9WU24ydGNXV1RRemg3UWZEL0ZhWXdBTFlNRXhubXpjUis0VVdUdHFkY0ZCZXlRRVlDVmtpMENVSGFZNkRadmxXQ1VrcVRFVmtRVlJOcitqdFBNMzBNdjVWcW5KZWNVejlaWVkxQWJtY1FhclBIeGJFNERITkg2T2lraTVsU3VuS2VjTVMrbDlzcnJ6c2hNNFNKZ1I0dXZMUmIycW9xcTJmR2ZzMnlnV2t0U3NpdFhGNTVaTT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(dc4f6241a85483bf60340ff404f92434).jpg)
“I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMSsvL1VLZWU4bUJCU0RrSnJkTmJhTmpMVXg3QkZ4dEpSTkNSMk0wZ2NOYTdVREszajRDQUhWVXpFdFhLcmV3ODVtSzRkY0tnTXpOcnpnRGorYzZRRWhoZ2dMRXdZN2owRVFFdzVPb2tpd2lTUG55Qjk2ajgzZE1IR3RMK2VQRHFTWnlsV2dzakRqZWovTG5PWmdGUDJ5SjBBVThqcC82WXkyTENySlhCUklKRnNzVHNlUTFaeWViTUhrczdpclpsdz09/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(936c82a8084fa763e108fce53172ae56).jpg)
“Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.” – Charles Richards
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMitvRFhkcWl1aDA4VkVMaWNjVmFwSnhMeEVuN04xekJxV0JkS0g2cmxkdG5ycDNKN2lOdmpFNUgxcFFoQW9IcUdiMGcvS1AwWTJJQ3dwWUZQRUxtMEhHd05FZ0NHWmlETHVIY2xkaEx2VnJmdHRyei9PQWx5eWZ0T3lBN1lkWVByRE5sWCtGNUF3WVJUUFJhQ1k1d1RrV3Q2djloejNualFNQ3MvSmgxV1Vh/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(bf4b238d0fd1f2afab80e14414de21f2).jpg)
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMd1J0dUNybVlRVCtsRkh4OENKbVZkQ2NKdWVBZXNwdnRjeDZoSFRVYi9WR1N5WFlBWEhlb1ZqaDR6RnFXSFRIVTdDNUtGU0R3YjVMck5JOWFBWVUvdUhGaHQ0aFhWMEZMbDhVa1FWcVBEZWlHUDRqeXJNdDJpNlM3dkQzQVdnVzZnPT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(2e7e4a50df046dd08c88e794ae56a9f6).jpg)
“Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMN2R2b0E2TkYyQWZYZTkrQ2FTOTV2SGkxeDIxT2RSOHRtelVjcFAxRnF4djlnZGt0ZExCa1ZOdGVwNG5CY2tLd1JkTFVudmFLLzUvTEJhSHJoUVZPWHcxbjdZamhRQ1NKSHFyYnR5U1p6TW1wdXY3UGx2NnlyUzZVZWNOd2d4QWtnPT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(eccb4c85f96e2e921cf5c91903093e78).jpg)
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMNkJCNS9kRmhvNVhtUUFCVEJxd09YNU9ZTmRYTGpOQkgzREcrS3Y0YkdIa2NwaGRKcVk4eitFMXlDWGdwUERpSFdMWE9yOEFPb1FNVjROM0loY042MXhXRTVGcnlyck5hWUxxVW5oZUFmUkgyVzlyMVc4SWJtUEJtSFhlNTF2Vk9QMzJ1MndHYVdiVUo0bkpWejRXQ3QwPQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(591c7c94e44d341899da93ad26b54a13).jpg)
“I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted a paycheck.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMG9uLzdMVmhhWlJteDJxREtRRHlqUlY0dnJBN3F6TnF4c2hQak5pYk5ESFd1enhzeUFrWlZuZXFzMGRpenpyWU1VNklubkErczJ6ZkJQc2NXbnRMRmJjcXNmN2hXUXovY2NrRndhTkNlYTJXcisya3lPclFYUGdnVVpSRHRDekYwMlczYmNBRlVCaTZ6UW93Mm9lYUpqdE1welVLOW8xdU5YU0xxckswVVVOZ0FhN1V0QWZTd2ZPc2lIeFRuSkwyRmdhTWx2a3FlcmcyZmtKR2dmQ1hEdz0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(2704bc550633c59c7a501b7c6e2ae613).jpg)
“Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMTU5dUdqUE5Da1dXOGM1WnFDSm9xb1c2amlGWkpOQXZzeFhOSm40NTYvVWJ5bzVwYjViYyt4VFhrTEJsWEppSVpFdHUrU0lZcWtERjJoWk05WEJBRFN4Q09yVy9hSWh3MUo3UXhVaHhVT1hSbmhSYkF4aitreFZDTzdnbkR6cDk4VndZK1U3b3E2U0E2ZWFPQ3BKMDNJdzZ6NVA3RGRia2FmYlNXYU5qeTg0/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(18977ae81c6207bd5094e512cdf62c8f).jpg)
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMOFRVYU4wRFNBeXpadTJBa1VkdU5mZUUvZm1DMUowMGM4YUE5dm5JZW5jMFVld2o0RUNqLzlIcmVWaUo3eWVPazJqLzFKREpoaFhES3MvNS83UFR3TGRQZ3RjQ3ZJSG5Cbk5DTzJ6K3Q5M21hR2ZGM3dkTUIrN01heGR3eTNwUFJCVFhhNkdVMVpPNktWRnNQN3FCcG04PQ%3D%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a6a3d244e71ef91e9f18586fbc68ff6a).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMeXVHK0tSWHl5NStYelVpVXd5TWZkdG8xUmFKalFZQmR4UjZ5M0ZSTzBXMjhwb1RjWE9NT0xVVDBBd0NadXNsNUt2QTI0bmlVYW4yM09RY1FST29GMzQyZHN6KzRLSHUzbGNoTmU5WW1PT2FpRVhVVEptbjJ4MzNtMkF2UFFRMnpXaHZiNC9meGpLWlJ1eHpWUGhmclpKSUpHMUVxVjhRRFc0enVlc0tQVXhPWmxXWmZ2WWt5dUlyQkgwRUpETHFhc2xGVGxPcXRpT1gzL3duSUFhS0NkTT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(be5317259f1df2a1ed3913d3fc3e73bd).jpg)
“I once sneezed in a library and everyone started looking at me strangely. It’s clearly a plot against bestsellers!” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdMMmlIRWpBVTF2VUJ4eU1pWi8wT0VrTUt5QnprY2JIQzl4cXoxN3pEWEVrdWJ6YU5pbTAvTW04Z3ZGcGhlUkk3alR1bzFBS1hYTVVka1R4VXpGWEVCbVBFTmlLMWExeUU1dU80eG5XZitiNEgwb0xYOGYyNjVEV3pBa0xjMGNNS0c4dmFyWTZ1YjBIU2VPN1BkTE5iWmlzR2xZdWJYK3dtYnVVNFRtUTN0b00z/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5dababe27bdd7b213fd17e7ba68144ee).jpg)
“My bed wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed home with it instead of going to work.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/amk5L3IxQm1SbkRHeGNmRDMxSXdML3RxSWo0ellRekJVcENMUEl0THhHekZYV3hJcnFwTDM4SStxbEVnTk02VnFXZmpSYXNZb1BHVTc0bDlxWlFoUnJmUkhhYWN4ZXkvZWsvbVBBNThIMlVVUFJnNkoxMk9MOE9LTmNGSHppYXB3WUEzRkxPamFJWkNMMHllYzVXcWtMeWxGL2JIUndsRndkOU1pZms3VjlSYzNVaFFkVCtPQTl5L01TNGpuZDJXZzJGNXZwMkFkVmg0VjNuMUQ0R1Rac2hjQTcvS2NVbmErZmRwUWZIK3ZNRT0%3D/MATCHA+FUNNY+QUOTES/(fcfd8fdb2c85aff6914b78391367e169).jpg)
“Some people just didn’t listen to their parents when they were told that life is not a joke, but they took it as a dare!” – Unknown