MAY YOUR DAY FUNNY QUOTES

“Today is a good day to have a great day. And if you’re having a hard time doing that, just remember that ‘great’ rhymes with ‘pizza’.”

“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.”

“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to test gravity.”

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.”

“I’m not a player, I just crush a lot… of candy.”

“If you can’t remember my name, just call me anytime before 8 am or after 9 pm.”

“I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me up.” – Ray Bradbury

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.” INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ABOUT DEATH OF A FATHER

“I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.” – Douglas Adams

“I can resist anything except temptation… and pizza.”

“I can’t adult today. Please, don’t make me adult.”

“Life is like a camera. Focus on what’s important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, take another shot.”

“I got 99 problems, but my sense of humor ain’t one.”

“Why be moody when you can shake your booty?”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right and you’re wrong.”

“I don’t have a dirty mind; I have a sexy imagination.”

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

“Just because I can’t dance doesn’t mean I won’t dance.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”