MICHAEL BLACKSON FUNNY QUOTES

“I’m African, we don’t let nothing go to waste. There’s starving kids in Africa that would love these jokes.”

“If I’m not making you laugh, then you must be dead inside. Or just really boring.”

“I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me. And I had no say in the matter.”

“My Nigerian accent is so good, the scammers in my hometown think I’m one of them.”

“Life is too short to take everything seriously. Except money, take money very seriously.”

“If they had a driver’s license test for comedy, I would definitely fail. But in a very entertaining way.”

“I’m not saying I’m the funniest person in the world, but I’m definitely top two. And maybe three.”

“You can’t be successful in life without a sense of humor. Unless you’re a bank robber, then you just need a getaway car.”

“I used to call my ex-girlfriend a snack, but then I realized she was more like a full-course meal. With a side of attitude.”

“If loving food is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right. But I’ll still complain about gaining weight, because that’s what real men do.”

“I tried working out once, but then I realized it’s just like paying someone to make you feel uncomfortable.” PEOPLE COME PEOPLE GO QUOTES

“I put the ‘lit’ in ‘illiterate’, because nobody can read my handwriting.”

“They say laughter is the best medicine, but let’s be honest, laughter can’t cure everything. Except maybe a broken heart. And a bad haircut.”

“I got a magic trick for all the ladies out there. Watch me make your self-esteem disappear.”

“If you need relationship advice, come to me. I’ve been married, divorced, and cheated on. I’m like a walking encyclopedia of bad decisions.”

“I’m so funny, I could make a mime laugh. And that’s saying something, because mimes don’t laugh.”

“Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the side it was on had way too much drama and negativity.”

“I usually don’t do impressions, but here’s my impression of your bank account after payday: *makes sound of crickets chirping*”

“I’ve been called a hot mess, but I prefer to think of myself as a chill disaster.”

“If laughter is the best medicine, then comedy clubs should be covered by insurance.”