MY FUNNY FRIEND QUOTES

by

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“I told Siri to tell me a joke. She replied, ‘I can’t. I’m not programmed to think you’re funny.’ Ouch, Siri.”

“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday…”

“I don’t need anger management. I just need people to stop pissing me off.”

“I tried going to the gym, but it turns out I’m allergic to other people sweating.”

“I was told to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

“I don’t have a beer belly, I have a protective covering for my love handles.”

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just an expert at finding new ways to trip over nothing.”

“I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”

“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized!”

“I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me… and then I politely declined.” SHORT QUOTES NEVER GIVE UP

“I always keep a smile on my face because I have no idea what’s going on.”

“You know you’re old when your knees snap, crackle, and pop… and you haven’t even eaten breakfast yet.”

“I don’t snore, I dream I’m a motorcycle.”

“They say laughter is the best medicine. But if you laugh for no reason, they prescribe medication.”

“If you see me talking to myself, don’t be alarmed. I’m just having a staff meeting.”

“I’ve finally realized that dieting is just a way to make pants feel like they’re in control.”

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

“I have a digital watch, but I still don’t know what time it is.”

“I’ve decided to become a baker because I knead dough.”

“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.”

“I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.”

SHORT QUOTES NEVER GIVE UP