ONE LINER WITTY QUOTES

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.” – The Notorious B.I.G.

“The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.” – Douglas Coupland

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

“The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.” – Unknown

“I would lose weight, but I hate losing.” – Unknown

“Marriage is like a workshop. The husband works and the wife shops.” – Unknown

“I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.” – Mitch Hedberg

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

“Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.” – Coco Chanel

“I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.” – Drake INSPIRING MICHAEL JORDAN QUOTES

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman

“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” – Earl Wilson

“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.” – Germaine Greer

“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Earl Wilson

“Cheese is just a slice of milk that smells funny.” – Unknown

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – Peter Drucker

“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

“Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

“Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.” – Unknown