POSITIVE FUNNY QUOTES

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a secret mission to test gravity.”

“I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.”

“I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”

“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”

“Exercise? I thought you said ‘extra fries’.”

“I hate when I’m singing a song and someone corrects me. Like, ‘I didn’t ask for your constructive criticism.'”

“If there’s a will, there are 500 relatives.”

“I may not be a photographer, but I can picture us together.”

“I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!”

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”

“I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.”

“I only do cardio because one day I may need to chase down an ice cream truck.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” FATHER PROUD DAUGHTER QUOTES

“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”

“I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.”

“I like to keep my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”

“I’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.”

“If I won the award for laziness, I would probably send someone to pick it up for me.”

“I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.”

“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.”

“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

“Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad.”

“When life gives you lemons, keep them. Because hey, free lemons!”

“I don’t make mistakes, I date them.”

“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.”

“I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes, I’m asleep.”