![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TVEVGa29MNnlLZG9vaXhFVkJQSzY4R21VUXUvUU4vVmRLMGRiRFVJMHlncDBYdHRhb2h6KzBScXVDWFhNOVRCZjlCalJ0ZVIxc3B5SFhxMGxZRVc5cytZTjYwbGNEVmZwUS9kcTV2RXo4YW1BPT0%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4a780e7c2bcb9ad37fc06d676b1a1609).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a secret mission to test gravity.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZk5idUlhakovekU1T281VU9GMVFvNWlOWHhiazlmTUtzSzNQOHAxSWpHZUYrbWg5bHp2eXBvOG5Ebmt4ZTJESjE0ZDVRNXFxWFJydWM4TWJpU3hIZFY%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(fa2dc67f6e932a77f9d5cb589f956773).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hQYWtEaStuaVZJbDE3RnVKVGNaeUdsKzQxSmtvNllicDNHb2thK3Q0YUtmYjhSdUpDRFd2cGxkM3J4QlpEVWwxeVAvRllVQmRrV1Rjci96VzVQd054bmJ5THdMNkhJNTRHa0V1c2IrVzJXWHR2YU5DU1VvZmh4cnNUZDl2NDNVK3VaMk1mcGVNNXhHVFhZV2UraU5BPQ%3D%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(9c0ec139816a0212df3d043670bc579e).jpg)
“I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRWbmNJamdWWk5kdE1wNTlpMjRWUlJwQzF0cWlvTjJpQ3JPNUJRN00rNzBGOFZ2MWpDTFh3MFE2TUE0aU1udVI1WDgwd1JlR2xjUmhvTGxsOWV3ZGs9/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5639f03182d657c00677bb4db26c78e2).jpg)
“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWnJjbGxYbStZUk1VV1VsdDZmTEUrZ3ZzOGZrRk9VbW5iTDZKZE9SSW05a0MxRG80RGYzOExBYkZOWjFpZW9GTjBPQURDaFV3MERoVGhtLzQ4WVQzb2o4TGVaemFUODJ4Sy9qeGV2WllFelA%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5e779441082ed071d70efd025c790914).jpg)
“Exercise? I thought you said ‘extra fries’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYm5BcUNOdytza1RwT2dYZEtmR1IxZTZraFVrNlhkMGhCRjRwVXpuWXVIUjNzYWhNcmlLSXdwMnJMNys5S2pjc09aTlBYL2Z5VTlSS2E2R1BSUGRNb0w0YjhnT0xzeFY1Rmc4T0xIdEs4RHpBYXVUQmxtRDY3VGMxdDgwZlJ0RUZMNXBZT2ZxWmIycktmVHg2Q0k3SG5rSkJQNkYvVHgyZkw0YXNzNHJ2L3lRcnJRdnVnU3ZsbGZ5czRhc3h6NXFuUT09/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(12f4745dcead44058b7879992a04d600).jpg)
“I hate when I’m singing a song and someone corrects me. Like, ‘I didn’t ask for your constructive criticism.'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV2hzOHJIbUY0akRoSnVvSGd4ajIzM2w5V3lhQ3FwbHl4cFBlbDBBcVozSmVyempPWXUvRG90UGdhQ2FrMm1FTmxaMlIydTZhQllBYjVVbE5TQ0tYYXVZZjQwaEZwQTY3em5UdStpQTNqUng%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f60e07bd5e50b5dd0dc4e0907bff1445).jpg)
“If there’s a will, there are 500 relatives.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU0xMZHdjbG81bGx4UnJ3MnlsVE9EdHdBd0QxVXMySkdueDFsWlkxOEc0YStZNGpEazI0RTJoTEViTkI5ekl6RVZuZU0rbElSbHhXNC82cWpKZjU3dmhuMm51RVRyT00rYkJsWnFpMEVPL0Q%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(392344c96248aa3370a4a769a0ac8071).jpg)
“I may not be a photographer, but I can picture us together.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMUktyVHhXaDJURmdBOXdKdG4wWDhsU3BBbGpHTmtCbjlWdmtQMHNFSU9mUzFWRFI0K0c0VzlSb2JGNTVmMkJOMGU3dFlyd2ZGRnY5ZFdxbEE0SWdMcVo%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(0df7a079e557e37dc199d64af0f68705).jpg)
“I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0tOR21CT0FGNk45NWkyNHVIUXpOTUxmOHk2NXR6TnovcHFYY1QwMlhDRzAvbDlPdFl0MXYrUlhncFVEcVJCV2I2UTJCd2FwZnNFaXVWUGVKbVh0d2dmbjB0VU5DdHM4aW5KZXR5MW8rSHR3PT0%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5bf46e17864289d3f05ecd8774d1e8ad).jpg)
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZlVEL0JqT1JxU0t5ZDdwRXdrTWd5eTBJZlpONHFvbHlTRUtUemRkUVl5djlsM3p1d0RkcThCb1VPSE1qUk1XWEM%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e07892af199c315e6349c1a9ed21506d).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWmF1SnRsbmZWOTBYdGkvelF5YlM2ak5heUIxZGQ1eHQ5U1NPeENGSm43cTdKM0xtcmd2a2FmUFVGempQZnFIUWVsWTRLekNSRmdvUUF0eVBRWVlwckx3PT0%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a5e5d6dc3deadaf1da60ad04c37afb8d).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZTJnc3N5aHg2NXlwT3oyTmV4SDVBRFo5Z1N4L3lsbW5jM0pTckNYdE9GMi83c29VV2Z2ODFGenhDRVBGTEdXT2w1R0ZBdm1uUndhV1dCRW9Ma2wyU0pxN0o3ZkhVL3FJTHlFcDZMOFU2ait4aFJ3blQ0RFdndVhyV25wSGIyS1BnPT0%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(c9af9d8688562050fb0ab09bd0fc14d7).jpg)
“I only do cardio because one day I may need to chase down an ice cream truck.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V25aNUkyQTVvTHF4MEdGN2xFaktWeXh3anZGYTRXWUdQMVZQdTk3ZDNQRkM1N2lXMGNpSXg2RmFnak1wa2tpU3NNPQ%3D%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(828477a84ab7425a4b9b4f4473fabebc).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” FATHER PROUD DAUGHTER QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWU9SSkwvbVo3ekxHcHFpWGNGZWM2Z283SWZrTlFmSXBzbll6M0lOMUJjcnNrcUJkZFBLeXpjckRKSWo3VU02eWpja3BnclRoZFFrekR2Uk9UOVVIbFlSWU8wYTJTY3BCN1FaS05uRm5iVU83TGFZdCs2QTJCZVgwbjk0QUhoT1hVSjAxZEc3ZmhBTjBzay9rc1JqZlRBPQ%3D%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(cd8275966281a8cdeee0451b219bf45c).jpg)
“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUZicng1S2VhOWh5QkpBR0pWcGVLUU1EYmNjR0dEMHlKL3FLTmU5RGNKRVVucUNUU1hHUEVrTnJ6QnJrVnFGKzg9/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(69192c99d34958645df74a470acb2d28).jpg)
“I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWkFNZ3FTOFhlTTdjdkxkWTBwUmsrZXZDTGM1L28zWmdGQ1F5dmg5MzV3cnh6cXF0dndiR1J0UGRiWlhpVWxhSVd2ZGRkcTU5cURnMGxGWGN4aXN6MnZBVUhzRzVnMEdQU0ZJUjZaYW5HVUM4OTNZMmNoK25xZzkrb3FFazBGYXNBPT0%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(3b8660d90832ff8fb34f1ec10f9deaa1).jpg)
“I like to keep my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZU9aRUtVLzlqaFE4eUp4eCs3Vm9UOUwxMGFNdTdidG0xbUU1VjdaMDhFVlVGU2xCOXdPQ3VyaHM1WVFjSU9obFowNUhvM1ZlOUl1V2VhNHBEQ2ppbjg%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e8bd52f803c04403f9eff47c11493927).jpg)
“I’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWWJUL0gyTi9PZ0RRYUd3QmNZQk5sV0RxU0RDMmM0SzZpODI1dWZaaEhhSGt3Sy9DUWlWNVR3a2ovOFFpcFZOb2VIRDlXd1lIa1pockpBOGtrR3ZQcU0zWEg4a25Kc1dLNHBTUk81eXcvbXkwUnlNazRJSjdYcDJkYlBUWkJlZUpxMmUyOTZ0eGltdS94cEcyQlhJRUZjPQ%3D%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a933bced3a0468187042f4f46142dded).jpg)
“If I won the award for laziness, I would probably send someone to pick it up for me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFNTQ0IxR0lrajh3bUZZRzA1ZzVoRk1NVEU0ajhsbW9QdUlMTzBVbmhhSTRvVVJSZkdVNnBOQjB2cU02SDlsdnQyaGpIa25RcUs4TXBHRkpPcFQwT1hRZG5MbEhmOEJTL29LenV6aTIxTm5BPT0%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(53f33f81877d8be31a4d90921e7466a0).jpg)
“I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY3FzVTUvY2doanBqQ083d2VIREZBMGpVck1udUhvVGUvYWhDWk1OQzNuR0lWUWhZb2U0K3BRTkpaUEFYekQxZk09/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(cb2cfdca5f0333603ff887bf72c65e1f).jpg)
“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZmw2bTRnTGwwYnJFdGptUXdSWHVST0pDd2FSRGR5Y25pREtUaWxVQjZHV1RSWkFMTExBVFF2QkMzT3BmNVVmd0RWRnBVVGcxQkpnbFlpQ25wMDJDMWhtamJxNThHdmVhY2dmS2dUendZS1NJPQ%3D%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(9c90373e5d1713c17c923ac130113de4).jpg)
“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZG92Tnh1YnRidTlUbzUwTHFKcmhBVTNxc0ZJcitwdUhLWGVjNWVzY1piSXlaNkJMeU80Vnh3TnBXZFVjS2d3d0JxR05oQ0NKMkNHNGs0bEJ4UHJIZlZlaHRHN2pDaXV3WmtncHZNMW5tUGlVV3g1S0xJYmJOMFM2bEtJV0FKWFBJckNNYWhRWkE1RkhrOGhCMUJxK3pycjdRU0NtZjdBeDNLaUFxYzJGWG1o/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5de28566d81877949674f210193f1568).jpg)
“Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUl6YmJBNU8xem5vY29vbHRMOFRTWTZWS0ZvOFh2M3dDYm9rNnBic2hrTWlDM0ZqOVFPbWtJWjU5dFNlMjdub0xoblV3N3lLMDZmRmNncGJSVHUyNE5IMnRZbityVVFwSFUwbjFGQ0RKU2o%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(02f9b0f1ac87b8ae4d4a710f1fa31611).jpg)
“When life gives you lemons, keep them. Because hey, free lemons!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z0ZjRzVFTEJhcmszUFoxQndJM3FncWc0cWJVcTZoN1NVVERrNTYvcXB0MGpOQzRFdzdOMlhmcjJ5ay9tN1BreGs9/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(45701d392bb8d8ed8b8be801545e111b).jpg)
“I don’t make mistakes, I date them.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vcUNxZW5DK3h2NXNLTlFWYkdUK1NBdXVlWUVuc0tvNmpxbXJ5VzFZOFBrNStESWRXM2NwNEhXa09rMHhDckhrTTdpUEdTSkRjQm8zRVRMSHd2ck1WMmNMYkhpc1dTbGpjU1pVUkpQS09NQy9BPT0%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(00134d5d481f1fa5654d655ebd701a94).jpg)
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY296KzgyNHFHcEZyemljOFRJQmRrOGhDb3Q1UUZaK0x6L1YyVWYxSHJtMmRIYXJ6NkFJRTJ0SkhTcS9pR3pRVXFRYXBYT0dCSjFIS0s0Z0ZEVjFqWms%3D/POSITIVE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(722134e6e281169e2b19d0712578e54f).jpg)
“I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes, I’m asleep.”