QUOTES TO MAKE HIM LAUGH

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

“I’m not saying I’m Superman, but I haven’t seen us both in a room together.”

“Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!”

“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!”

“My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof!”

“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”

“I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anesthesia for surgery. He replied, ‘Go ahead, knock yourself out!'”

“Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.”

“I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know which one came first.”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.'”

“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!”

“My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!” FUNNY QUOTES TO PUT IN TINDER BIO

“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”

“Why don’t melons ever get married? Because they cantaloupe!”

“If two vegetarians have an argument, is it still called a ‘beef’?”

“I once ate a watch. It was time-consuming!”

“Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!”

“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!”

“I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?”

“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

“I asked my brother how long he plans on keeping up his New Year’s resolution. He said, ‘I’ll let you know at Christmas!'”