QUOTES WORK FUNNY

“I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Unknown

“Work is the key to unlock the door of success, but don’t forget to lock it behind you or else someone might steal your success.” – Unknown

“I don’t hate my job. If I did, I wouldn’t have come in today. I’m just on a mission to prove that work and napping can coexist.” – Unknown

“Work: a process by which you slow down your mind, drain your energy, and make money to fund your weekends.” – Unknown

“If you think your job is pointless, just remember there is someone out there installing turn signals on a BMW.” – Unknown

“The only reason I go to work is to make my bank account look like I have a purpose in life.” – Unknown

“Work hard so you can buy the things that truly won’t make you happy.” – Unknown

“The best part about work is when you get to complain about it to your colleagues and realize you’re all in the same boat.” – Unknown

“I’m not a workaholic; I’m a procrastinator with a side effect of panic.” – Unknown

“If you think there is nobody watching, just try picking your nose at work.” – Unknown

“I’m not saying I hate my job, but if a witch offered me a broomstick and a chance to fly away, I’d take it without hesitation.” – Unknown

“The worst thing about being late for work is that it takes so much effort to come up with a believable excuse.” – Unknown

“My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.” – Unknown

“If work is so great, why do they have to pay you to do it?” – Unknown

“Don’t worry, work can’t kill you. But why take chances?” – Unknown

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life – unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason SELF EARNING QUOTES

“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, and 4% Friday.” – Unknown

“I don’t always love my job, but when I do, it’s 5 minutes before quitting time.” – Unknown

“My job is secure because no one else wants it.” – Unknown

“If I were a superhero, my superpower would be the ability to ignore emails.” – Unknown

“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown

“I don’t need a ‘busy’ signal in my life, I have call waiting.” – Unknown

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde

“It’s amazing how I can do a full day’s work in 45 minutes when there is a strict deadline.” – Unknown

“My favorite part of work meetings is when someone sarcastically asks, ‘Are there any questions?’ and then gets surprised when someone actually asks a question.” – Unknown

“I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

“I told my boss I needed a raise because of the rising cost of living. He told me to start living with the rising cost.” – Unknown

“Work-life balance: the delicate art of pretending to work while scrolling through social media.” – Unknown

“I’m not saying I hate my job, but if I won the lottery, I would definitely go to work faster to tell my boss I quit.” – Unknown

“My job is a lot like a treadmill – we’re constantly running, getting nowhere, and occasionally someone falls flat on their face.” – Unknown