![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TVEVGa29MNnlLZG9vaXhFVkJQSzY4R3lDYUxIYmFHTlhlUW9ya3NncFkyaG1HU2hyN2g3eHVSY2lOQ1pCK3FvZzNBV0g1d2o5TlU2SjIwdStscGpoL0s%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(16e87b91c18f24b5ab36991dc33a8a89).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to test gravity.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OU5ra09OcFdNaWlRQXBlNzlMeUt2OVRKRThhd0p5UmV4ZzlIbDFHVXdFWDFzRnNlVTZIREpxQ0VVazZGTUJmNWp3PT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(83ecfa195d7485e139675863fdfef74b).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, but she hugged me instead.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUkVBOExIaHdySHM2eVFNWjBCQTBteUpQMFZzZlh0UmtyVzZxSFBVZzhOMXdmZjA2WUN4ZzJhc20xSk5HeVMwOE02b2NzZU9iZW43TFRjM0pmcGRpb3NtTjF5SmRpNWROdU5LK0FWQXlZYUs%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(f8ad47060bad9b91d75e1bb3085bd31e).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVi9venFDb1JJQTNtRW9oREFrVDRaZXlTVGRhSWIxUGVUT3FDcUR2Tkg1bllxNEpLR0hQOGZ5cDlMN2N4WWs3QnZsSDQvelVuQTltQzAvb3dsTU5SNXd6Zi93VXNUeGNIaUMxVVlwdS9UTWY2WUVRS05vSnU2RWtHeVNBemhXN1BDRUMvdUVTbkQ2QTFiR29WYi83N2hMZVJod2dFS1pMN0V2TFBoTGZpanNGSlNEanlXMWc5Q0FnNzhINThidkhPWWxaY0R2dTR1bXhXQ0pxY3BIYXFwMw%3D%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(c34f2e9fe35cdd910062b5cd2bcbcb30).jpg)
“I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Tuesdays.'”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZm4xcTFaME1QUnFFYUovanF2RWlqYlk0QjhPdHUzaEJYRlJHZG5rbUdXaVRvRmxrV0RyWnoydkRrWFM1cXBZcXpkM1pyTDlPQys4Um5NbEkrRnAwbVpReTdPRW1GR29laUhtK2xRaGIrTlE%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(b655d2905b8378eb476caf2e15c5033c).jpg)
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZkphZWxiSUVyWlpBOUVTUSswejl4bXQ1eUg2SC9NdExDb3NMcVZoRE1WN1ZaMmlWQ1BNR1BiQm5aOXJ0TEdTWXdOWXlnQkRRMTRuNFJSc2hmKy9VdXU%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(96c71cadea9c7ee7d1c386a18f869a61).jpg)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV0I3aEIwSkhKSGNuRVpCempwY1hFL2Qyck1uL0dDUkswcEk2c1pHZldaK2hpMExHd0lmQTRXRGtBOGhKS2I0bC9pbTc1UzdiUVgrekkyUkNXbTdOU0U9/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(122337d603361d0b9f50080fb88ecf94).jpg)
“The shortest horror story: Monday.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUhtam5XalBwQTFwYWFjRGpFRlhMbmcxTU5ORUI1MFB0eS92cU5uQkRIMXJENW9MMjVPenhIV2lXdFBwSTQrTnRPR0ZPYVc1VC9tSW4zNHN4Um8yUHN2MWRONlJBQVJ0RVE4bndaNG1JWTNiZzVSaUg5RG53clppeXJJZU93NTV5ZTZoU0pJeUZwNlZwVTBWR0Joakx3PQ%3D%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(e169732ac44022b0433799c98342e21a).jpg)
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGYwc2Z4NVpES0NCVGoyUHdaeDNBWnJDeHZvVjBxUmhWUHpMdXJORVlPWjc5Mkg2SGNycWhmR3NIRmlzRlFTZUJvWWxRY2FQeTZxa3pFenFidWpLSGR1cUxRTVhJb24zdWNyWFBaUUNvdXdrRlF4RzVYaWRlSEJaeGI5cmdyL2tJSk11TEo4akNLSzRVNEZtV3Q0Y3M3NkRvK0JjWVE1djBLR09FMDZiVHg1/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(27738bb31f6e7a7aebcbdcedc31d36fd).jpg)
“I cleaned my room today, well actually, I just put everything in my closet. But still—progress!”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY08wL3JXUWw2QytWWEFUWUpxQmh0d1dQMG5tRXV4T0NiWUl1Ukt6TUE4T2dsRWpaU2k5OER3cVZEOFFyWTYza0ZTN2tocFg4bDBrTnduckJVaWlvd1lJZGlkdzAwMVU3d0gyb3AycEdPZnBVcG5ZQWdJdDJET3BKVk0vZnYyTWhNZTlaQjZIeHVic3RLemszL05iM29zPQ%3D%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(a0b838c10fb30c6fab2f98952e6462fd).jpg)
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVdFQkZuNzVNZzJZY3J2TnAwc2Q4Z1d4OGVZdnY0ZkVXeEw3MmF0VXNZSGc4K0E5ZUZpUVZPQUFCZERwRGhJdWZzV1BMaFJJKy9wVUVpL3loYWZTWk15TWFHcnlmL2p6TXNlcDRkYTdnTk0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(51a7b74f98d4a4daeebbe2ac8022d1ba).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZWd3bFl6WHh3SzM3a0hzd29UL05ORnhkZDdRWXNSdm51b1A1N3dXZ1pvZ3VJM09DV1N1K1pRRFdqekNzSVd1TGlOMkNnRDBYbXRFSCtQZXlQL3dDT2dGTnRBQWNrekV5KzJQU3VPZXZ2RzZSZXdPalkrTEFnSURteEwwY2tKMFJ3PT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(9a33a9ad755c9b280f178ef1d6d9e548).jpg)
“Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing someone else: Saturday and Sunday.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEl4U1ZwT3lsT1RmZmoyMzFtcGNZV3ZzTlUrcWF0WHU1ME9UNmt6SHVUcUw1dk9idlBxT0pnUTc2eTlxUHV5UG5naGI1QmN2MjFCdldYYTJ6N1A2SDBJWmdwaFFPMUlOWnpmblZKNkN2VlJSQ2FhbWNSdUFHdmEvNEFJVlYyd2pRPT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(0f5402946f19f908ba7d4a51662371db).jpg)
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case there’s cheesecake.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUdHV1g0dTh0ZzZYVDNxbHpzTzRwSXFxYm01aEZKamgzaFdxZGxvTklhZXV0ak53SnJlSW1GR2hzbkxHNE1BTzl1Kzl4c2VyN3N5VVdmSnAvWWhyWDBoLzYwNERLWjgwUkFnY25lZDhMYmhyWHVHa1R4MW15OXhCbFVjNzVIbWdzNDRHWURDbTQ3c0pkVWRLV2x3RFJBPQ%3D%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(4e60a47b6cabcfbdce6e3cc4093d8c3f).jpg)
“I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s not flying!” GOOD FINANCIAL QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUS9EWkFhUFRiRE94MTk5MWg1eko4Nm9qZ2RBVlRPTDdMaHQybC9pTThyY3Z1SnEralp6NmpsMkM5WXZsS3g2V2gvSFJqQnZld0FQVjNONlllQzVqbDhvMkhTZTRCalVOa0xPTE1aSGhObXA2eENUM0VkZWphalhzQytmd2JuRUovUTFqWHMvckFXZE1PTk5FRHUzWnc3SEcxQXhkVmFvNXpISFU1ZFZlcVFt/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(1e6b25786f75f75207028bb67766938c).jpg)
“Dear life, when I said ‘can my day get any worse?’ it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjRkWGZHN0VDK2Z5S1BxeUVyeVF4QWh2TUNCRnp1OWZNM0gydXA5TDk3akd6YWdrd2JjUmRwdWU0dGZKSWRmTlh1ZjNWSjlsc0dsWm5PUjZrNXhhQmlFbW5FQ1BSMHVaaS9NbFJIQWpZZEhJRGRZY2NseEJpNE9TTWhSaHB5TW9BPT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(9bf68474ac0f32e725c172190ee0e0ba).jpg)
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZU9NMjNFT3ZvQm1mc29uaTFOcGpWYnpEcUgxL0JuUFU5M1llZkxlN3VFODA1Sk51ckNVOVlNUTIyei9Uc1VQa0xlN3FyUDFiZWJaS0NqV0Q4aGRCeHA2N2Zuc3hCaVlzT0xSaVF5VGhFbkY%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(20b0b0d02c9a76a524710979594f5e49).jpg)
“I’m in shape. Unfortunately, that shape is a potato.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYm5BcUNOdytza1RwT2dYZEtmR1IxZklycFVTVjV4dkFhRi9HOHRRZVEzcUlrUkdiN2hYK1ZhUnBFVTN3d0k5ZHFjTUpvMW5XaDc4R0xVTEViYmVsNERYVE11WW5rbGh5SXhvUjBFay9BQldVdjFuT3RQM3h2NWJEVkZUNDFGMHdRPT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(c7f91d1eef681888963fea36a597c424).jpg)
“I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZlMvNTdpZUwwMkVweUErYms0N0szK283YW1rNFJMZldFSXpiNXRkQndxd0dCUVAyc2VGM0VtRHkwTTlOMnRISGlCcnJtYWp0cUNPNHZ6QTBCVDV2WXpvUWE4dDVjUG9KY28zeW8wSjk5N2I5emxGK05ibHJ4WDNlN3pyRUpsYktnPT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(270263bd76891430f5c556f62d3053c6).jpg)
“My house is not messy, it is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMUlh6aFBJbnkrTXZzNzFIR2JlTnZubTZKSHl4K2hVYTltOTNRbnVRczZNMlhtS1FEM0d5bjNETFFOZ3BkSkZGdjRiWUtoOHEvWGZ6c2pMaVVzQXNPNHI%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(cbe93df71a0e643dd18d13ef0778ac1b).jpg)
“I tried to lose weight once, but it kept finding me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OU01MlNJMmxpNG8rUmZXTE9ZNkJPOU8yOEp5QUI4ekV4WUkzS3dCVUYwVGZqUis0RjdHd3Q5YUJ4cFNpUXBzUFBnPT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(110cd100e20c1f0c46621ca9e7393fe2).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes; she gave me a hug.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEWGkyQlRkRkR4cnh2U3h4N1BXWHRxU1Y4bjhVUkF3amZOWStrU0VHaDBUZTVYVVRucHlzNHdBcFhSUmltenBKY2RXWjN4NjkzRG1JZDNONFIvT1Ewdi9wOGM5RGRad1c2aHIwSGx2Qjh6am9tVWRpK0RvVGxpZjhOWXNQTXZDd0tGU3lSWmhQOGx1K1UwU29nVHhlYlFWQ1N5L2JiOG5FWlE4cjV1L1gzSmVodz09/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(5bd60741c7c92d554e3acf3184e5a5dc).jpg)
“I asked the doctor for some diet advice. He said, ‘The best diet is to have a little taste of everything.’”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkh0bG5GRlJ5VkZUT01lVllCUmtoeGU0Z1ZWS3F5dlZGOUJoSzBBdC9wY3JTUjdYOEtzTHpXVUtHUUx6bWhtS3NGZXEyTDRYYlVUekdPNXArTCtNSWc9/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(4f528630e71ced6a58105464f19b960e).jpg)
“Dogs have masters, cats have staff.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZTlIN2JHc2l3OHBDTzJBMExPMkJNM3cxVWQ4Vmc0emVkNXFqampEcXZjaHkyWVQ0ZitQcjl4Y3J6d1NnVVlEakpPUUFwcHIxNlVsWTl2bEkycDluZjFpMElMdlVOT2QvU285ZFpHbURlN3d6MFRPZGdQS1d6NjhKTlhyT0pCQWdBPT0%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(c73f336d195e9f884b3a73980a9cd885).jpg)
“I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted a paycheck.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEt0VGsxWjZnSDZ3Rk8yUit0SVJrcHpaSHNKRitWRnRoY0x3aDQ4Z2NOWm9ZU1JxMGZEdm9xRXNPV3RXQWttampRMnJ3eSs5TWJaT2phZEs0dHBOUGM9/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(1cc6f0e6c4d7bf5d72e74a4e1a7aa4d4).jpg)
“I am not lazy. I am on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZDFaZVJRbFlXc1VVdzh2RmZ2MGZkZllvQnB4dUd6QmpYY1dOQ3AwMHZUM0RqNUM4V1ZUKzhzdFVkWWpRRVZkQnc9PQ%3D%3D/REALLY+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(526d81f4e332a3d1661e27988de286d1).jpg)
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”