SNAPE QUOTES FUNNY

“I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death, but I can’t make your crush like you back. Sorry, kids.”

“I sneaked into Gryffindor common room last night. Password was too easy to guess: ‘I am not a slimy git.'”

“I’m the potions master, but even I couldn’t brew a solution to your face.”

“No, Mr. Potter, I’m not trying to kill you. I’m just trying to wake you up for my class. The difference is subtle.”

“I have a black belt in sarcasm. Unfortunately, it’s not a real belt, just a metaphorical one.”

“If a mandrake could scream, I’m pretty sure it would be more musical than your singing voice, Mr. Longbottom.”

“Why don’t you go on a diet, Mr. Weasley? Maybe then you won’t be such a large target for insults.”

“It looks like your progress in class is directly proportional to the number of brain cells you lose, Mr. Finnigan.”

“I told Harry not to set foot in my office again without knocking. I wonder if he knows that ‘knock, knock’ jokes don’t count.”

“I once had a dream where I had hair like Professor Snape. It was truly a nightmare.”

“If you were any less intelligent, you’d have to be watered twice a week.”

“You know, I could never figure out why people say ‘expecto patronum,’ when they can just say ‘flee, Dementors, flee!'” HARD HITTING SAD QUOTES

“I don’t play favorites in this class, but some students just make it so difficult not to.”

“I don’t have a hobby, unless you count being a perpetual disappointment to your parents.”

“Why are you so worried about cheating in my class, Longbottom? It’s not like you’ll find the answers to bravery at the bottom of a cauldron.”

“They say the sorting hat takes your preferences into consideration. Well, it certainly couldn’t care less about mine.”

“I don’t need polyjuice potion to transform into your worst nightmare. I can do it with just a few carefully selected words.”

“I’m like a basilisk, silently judging your every move. Except without the petrification powers, unfortunately.”

“I’ve had dreams about flying on a broomstick. But, you know, I also have dreams about not being surrounded by dunderheads.”

“I always keep a supply of potion ingredients in my pockets. You never know when you might need to turn someone into a toad.”

“If I had a Galleon for every time a student asked me for extra credit, I’d be able to afford a one-way ticket to Azkaban.”

“I don’t need Felix Felicis to predict that your next move will be to fail the upcoming exam.”