![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TVDBWcC9nM2dtRjlpV202R01jcis4aWJhYjBudWhqUW1YNTBUVk11dE8vV04zRGI5MTNaMWRPcE95SHMyL1gwOTdtWkdERmdEcUg5cnVVYVlZYzhjbkI%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4a05e09b6ce4c2a2fd0916fd0f5204a1).jpg)
“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZjFOT3V0d3BSckM4eHZCYUk1N004UjBVenpySWZCaGdpYWZKWmFlaTNqQ1l5cEo5L2liNjFESlBjem5LalUwUjBuK3gySWlMeFpBa1BFUGpZemNkc3Bhcnc1VzlZUFUvUjF6L1N3UnAwM3R0aXlwa0Yzcjk1c3dZVEMrTkNSQ2FnPQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(88eb81a5ecd3ac5e5624ba98e0abb4b6).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me. The table and chairs are bullies too.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY0FlWjlFeUtrNG90TXJHeE9xaCtTcUkvdzl5WE9iNHVPNDlDOU8zRG1CU3RYb21wYS9iZGZnZ20rd2thUVFqOVlyUzRwR091Z2s2clExeXViZ0FYazFsUGNzOGlEc3V3ZWZqTC9xb0hDR04%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(71fa976cf3422f3210cb004c31fb9023).jpg)
“Some people need a high-five, in the face, with a chair.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUjQxN2pUVmhYM044N2Q4WEp1TG5CN01scTUrcXFTUklFUGVyWFVpclhWUUV3dmNJUWUwb1l5Zmh1RFdGZDBYNk05ZnJ1M0RCWHhyNEVmSmp5YWxEdW50NzhVa013WHBlRkFIOWdHTENyMVlTb3N4RmhjQ0l6U1EzVXJ0VVZjT003dzU5WHhZZ3lTaGQ0VFM0WG52dnJHaTB5S1hiYW1sT1ZMYzFFVXZlZTRm/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(480978fe9fb1f64f7bd4d0c3e83eb53f).jpg)
“I finally realized that someone took my childhood. I didn’t misplace it – someone snatched it away.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M3FpbE4wRXd3YUVockl2MWpDK0dUaWJQVkgwNEl2RjdqS3pIOUtuenMzeTBCbW9wN20yNVpYNURuemZjUGFRTzE%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ab9ab29a9b1d30250d06cebd305fb896).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHNQYjhOaHkvRnpWSlc4YWJRcm1TWVlDR3A4THIxU05mYnlQWm1LaHdxcWFHRnAzVVFNaUFqNk5uMWdyQVRaQmc9PQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(3a3d3070dc34c5f03ff3080ff2ac391d).jpg)
“My brain has too many tabs open.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDZmSHZIb3J3bG9NTkR6TXl6Q2NxRW1sWFdKRFZtV242MHhNYlA2RFVRc1JzN3lOa3NKYjAwbEM3eEdFd3BzR3BDZHhWRWJuTHFaNnE1Rjg5emcwZWhERVU5QzRUUHB4eDF5YWhxSVJXb3N0cXFrN3B0bUdrR3kyMUovc0dGSWNVQjcrNUMrbFBjWW1ERVJMSkM4c25z/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f1d8ffb5df2acfcdc98e902205084181).jpg)
“I’ve tried exercise, but I find that I’m allergic to sweating and physical activity in general.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z2EyemtBSmRuNTVXMENISklaaS80WEpyMmRxODN3NjNQd1cwa1pGOGUvekc5U0hNQ1F4U3d4NXB2MzZGM1NSU2VkRE9oUWQvbFFneE5xZXdLcGFvN2M%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(68d6b20e6ed541f53984fe533fd32f46).jpg)
“I don’t have a dirty mind. I have a sexy imagination.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVEt0VGsxWjZnSDZ3Rk8yUit0SVJrcXlhekRMWWxwbFZLbWFVMStYYWd0cVIxMXdaVHVvdE1aci9DSk16UjhBREtWM1g1R2ZTWjhkK0gyTmVUTVYxMDdPSCsrZlZRV2hSTFJJWUQ4dlh3cGlUNktxMEV3Qk50cE5zREFNR2ZHbUs3bWlZUjdSMTNxTjA1OFl1SGIyV1JRPQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(51e314163c12a8d9149c245aa998825c).jpg)
“I am not absent-minded. It’s just that my mind is constantly vacationing in Hawaii.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZTA1eVExNUViaCtqdHRtS2JuQ0RhZVpodCtMNUZUTVBXcTFQN3huSklsRnRWSERlTktrc3NVT01WdVJVNG15RWJvaGRxTWJ2QlVvYkl0aWtIZjVIQkZYSTFCZXQ4SnpqVExGUzdFZ0FaajVnPT0%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(68ba18cb43bc2b26d53def293428db92).jpg)
“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just fluent in speaking irony.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZGx3Nzg1b3hmWnR6a294WFVkWWJHc21JYnRRb1IycnBoS2JIVE9QTnc0NWp2S0Z4a2Y0WGU2Um5ab3NNc1dwUnlDZTR6MERjSGpXQmJKVGtmd2hzcjFnVWp1bHRVK2x0SzdVYmxpd01POFFOcmtsOVVpTzh2OHZwZkZBUmFXRy9JPQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4a08d79889bdb1f76387efe2d84b92ac).jpg)
“I’m not short. I’m fun-sized.” QUOTES ABOUT THE FIRE IN LORD OF THE FLIES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZjEwVDBOSGhkMngyVnhlU1ZWMHVzNVNndTB5ZW1DMGVocFM0a3MrcWtJUHFXOFhDMGFtR1laMXVRV1dOZlBQcHA1cHRQZkNKOUhqTnN0UG5YbFZPSFZVWnVMcDBKODM5UmI0MVdGVmNaanF3NG94Y3FoNlBWYlR3NytQR1VxbUJmVlh2OFo3NlgvajZHaWRWZG5XbTB1/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(9d4ced8d9c79d21c05ebe41388778b1e).jpg)
“I’m not broke. I’m just on a budget called ‘I want to eat and pay my electricity bill’.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2anJGcXhWSmdmd0pVM3RmUDNMdkZQZGVNMmQySHlWRmwvZmFNbDByK2lCOHFGdmYzT3JpN1lzd1dmcHF6SWdzalJZTjhqeTVwOVo3MllVOXVrdURmTUg%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e03834a14050b962fdfd24b92af6547b).jpg)
“I don’t snore. I dream I’m a motorcycle.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWmhXQXErUW5Nb1U3S01LQWFsaDZZV2x6UFVrbHo4YWVTL2pwb0Z0cnlKeGY4SkZUZUVDSlJSTWlwUUpabXEwc3JwWHlIWllROW00MXFKM3lva251dVFnPT0%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a718f74d50c1d2ccb5c10a01589b8794).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management. People just need to stop ticking me off.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYUlmQXl0RkpKYTNMUUJmd3hwRHNzVXRDYThpQ2dpTFJDUGVnR2gveFA4M1JmWXBUR0FVUXdXNzRBRlVUZXArb1NDWmd5cFJmTnV4OXJWZkhuKzkwL0k9/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(fa3f81bf359c7efc4a81d0e0f64bc16c).jpg)
“I pretend to work, and they pretend to pay me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZlhtV1dnQmNNdWhpU2xtaXpaZ1NVMnZldERBSW11YU40ODJyN3VGdWpRUE9SdDVodHJPdDFEZVljdEU3dDlEWDNkcmZNbU9lUW1JTDdFSkdJTDVhSFc%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6743f55c584e3e9861296ae530141101).jpg)
“I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aXNWVkIvTEJ0TFRiM3FQMUdMMUt5clpqTTdqeTgyaWZZNnZMWkV5aUNvWWpuUm1TQitJTmw2MTg1V004UzNQRkNoZU1xRDduZXFZYThUQzlkWElaMVg%3D/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e2032857353cc7ccbe73432042f8ec70).jpg)
“I don’t need Google. My wife knows everything.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUlVrRUFBOEhrOWpOb2F1VDl1UEUrRXhyREN5Zkl0N2RYWCtXK3dOWVI0a1BSWGd0UUNLa052NHZIOHphN1k4QkFIMXlpRWd3bTFoVGZsY1RjSFQrZEdxU3YwZ21oWitxVlp3Ky9ieGttUlVMM3h2N2pDQkFlTWZ3K3V2WU5lMzhMVDgwUnB4YlQyUS9OVGJ6bmhvZlRaY20zMnd5YUkxY2Z2UnByUzRzeFNN/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ecd5169f7e24dcfed535a7d3763633ad).jpg)
“If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z1JDaW11WUZEQzdxRy9jbXJaS2FtRmlTOVJueW5GQ2VjNDUzMUltektZOFNjbkEwQ1dsRlVaZzNlQjJLS3FYZzBmbVFiSW5KN2M0aVBhU20rY3NBeGc4bmtxb21MUFljeFFXZkJpUUlsUHA2TWFzREtjVXE2RTduMEEvNm5QeG43cXZBTzNJWGtFQmlJU2FvNG1EM0E1U2tJcUN3bmNMVkFabDZjb1ZrZGNuQT09/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a304931cecb88be09f24b8da54a244ac).jpg)
“I don’t have an attitude problem, I have a personality disord- oh, wait, never mind. I just have an attitude.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2ajEzUVZqTUFxeGNmZ2RnejZ6V3FGMnM3RDZNYmlYTVhJRndXcGJtMTdGVHZIcUJ0WjJSNXBPazBUd1hGY3VjakU9/SPIKE+FUNNY+QUOTES/(f1dc8b402afaf2e63feb594865852020).jpg)
“I don’t hold grudges. I remember facts.”