STEWIE GRIFFIN SHORT QUOTES

“Victory is mine!”

“I like you better when you’re quiet.”

“What the deuce?”

“Damn you, vile woman!”

“I’d love to stay and chat, but you’re a total [expletive].”

“This is my house and I’ll do what I want!”

“I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking.”

“What the hell’s your problem, you big, savage, undeveloped brute?”

“I’d help you, but I’m not a licensed therapist…and your problems are stupid.”

“Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes, wait longer!”

“I don’t mean to sound pretentious, but I think ‘Lois is a man’s name’ is genius.” QUOTES TO MAKE HER FEEL LOVED

“I’ll be in the back, playing with my toys, or perhaps ‘pleasuring’ myself.”

“English, mother[expletive], do you speak it?”

“I’m going to do what I do best: lie, steal, cheat, and survive!”

“You know, mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades.”

“I am a child, and I must be entertained.”

“If I’m not mistaken, I think I found your problem. You appear to have written ‘Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony’ when it should clearly be ‘Yankee Doodle went to town… in a JET!'”

“Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a kick in the groin.”

“Oh, I get it. You’re famous for being a moron.”

“I don’t care for your tone, little boy. I suggest you keep your mouth shut unless you want to get WRECKED!”