TAG SOMEONE FUNNY QUOTES

“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” – Victor Hugo

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” – Woody Allen

“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.” – Unknown

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins

“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.” – Unknown

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” – Steven Wright

“The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.” – Unknown

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just that the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown

“I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted paychecks.” – Unknown

“I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.” – Unknown

“I ran into my ex today… Put it in reverse and did it again.” – Unknown TOM PLATZ BEST QUOTES

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott

“I prefer my puns intended.” – Unknown

“I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.” – Unknown

“I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.” – Unknown

“I’m not crazy. My reality is just different from yours.” – Lewis Carroll

“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.” – Unknown

“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown

“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.” – Unknown

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

“I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.” – Unknown

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing the gravity.” – Unknown

“I’m not addicted to chocolate, chocolate is addicted to me.” – Unknown

“I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.” – Unknown