THAT ONE FRIEND QUOTES FUNNY

“I don’t need a motivational speaker. I need a motivational doer, like someone who will come over and do my laundry.”

“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”

“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.”

“I’m not clumsy, everything just gets in my way.”

“My bed and I have a special relationship. We’re perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just doesn’t seem to understand our love.”

“I don’t run away from my problems, I just prefer to travel in the opposite direction.”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?”

“If I were a vegetable, I would be a couch potato.”

“Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being myself.”

“I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“I’m not anti-social, I’m just pro-me.”

“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a first-name basis with the floor.” THANK YOU FOR MY SMILE QUOTES

“If sarcasm was a superpower, I’d be a Marvel superhero.”

“I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes it five years in a row.”

“I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”

“I don’t procrastinate, I just operate on a different time zone.”

“I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.”

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”

“I’m not a morning person. I’m more of a ‘get out of my face until I’ve had my coffee’ person.”

“Life is short, buy the shoes. And the handbag. And the dress…”

“I don’t have a ‘9 to 5’ job, I have a ‘wake up at 2, stare at the ceiling, and contemplate life for hours’ job.”

“I don’t need an alarm clock, my children wake me up every morning with their unlimited energy and thirst for chaos.”