THURSDAY FUNNY QUOTES FOR WORK

“I’m sorry, I can’t come to work today. The voices in my head are trying to tell me funny jokes, and I can’t stop laughing!”

“Work tip: Stand up, stretch, take a walk, and then go get a donut. Because you’ll still do more work than most of your co-workers.”

“My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.”

“If you think your job is pointless, just remember there is someone out there installing turn signals in BMWs.”

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. Or just change your password to something incorrect, and keep typing it in until your boss lets you go home early.”

“The key to success is not taking yourself too seriously. Unless you’re a surgeon then definitely take yourself seriously.”

“The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake!”

“I’m not saying I hate my job, but if a zombie apocalypse started, I’d probably be the first one to volunteer.”

“If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your boss told you to do it.”

“Every time I think I’ve found the perfect work-life balance, someone changes my password.”

“Teamwork is important, but it’s also important to remember that distractions like snacks and funny videos are also important.”

“Work would be so much more fun if we could just change the office dress code to ‘Pajama Party Friday.'”

“Coffee: because adulting is hard, and caffeine is the only thing that keeps us from becoming a full-time unicorn trainer.”

“Remember, math doesn’t suck. You do. Go get a vacuum.”

“There are only two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data…”

“I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.” LEAVING WORK ON FRIDAY QUOTES

“I’m not saying my co-workers are idiots, but if there was a zombie apocalypse, I’d be surviving solo.”

“The only exercise I get at work is running out of patience.”

“Do I love my job? No. But it does buy me food, so it’s definitely in my top 5 things I like.”

“I told my boss I needed a raise because my cat was demanding a higher quality of tuna. Surprisingly, it worked!”

“My level of motivation is directly related to the number of snacks available in the office.”

“I may be at work, but in my mind, I’m already mentally retired and on a beach somewhere sipping margaritas.”

“If work was a person, it would be that annoying colleague who always steals your stapler and hog the office supplies.”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and him in the same room together?”

“Friday is my second favorite F-word. Food is my first. Then comes flexibility, followed by fun.”

“I know I have to go to work, but if I take the longest route possible, maybe I’ll magically teleport to the weekend.”

“My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home and watched funny cat videos instead.”

“Why do they call it ‘rush hour’ when nothing moves?”

“I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go by.”

“I don’t always tolerate stupid people at work, but when I do, I usually make a meme out of it.”