VERY SHORT FUNNY QUOTES

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”

“I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

“My wife told me to get rid of my spider. We both need the space, so we moved out.”

“I asked the librarian if he had any books on paranoia. He whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.'”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?”

“I couldn’t figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.”

“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”

“I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.”

“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”

“I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones are Argon.”

“How do you organize a space party? You planet!” INSPIRATIONAL MOTHERS DAY QUOTES

“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”

“I started a band called 999 Megabytes. Still haven’t gotten a gig.”

“Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”

“The problem isn’t that obesity runs in my family. It’s that no one runs in my family!”

“I invented a new word: Plagiarism.”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

“If a bird flying overhead takes the time to poop on you, be flattered; it’s like a celebrity sighting.”

“I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. I heard you can get thinner there.”

“I’m not sure if I’m depressed or just bored of being alive. How can you tell the difference?”

“Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?”