WHEN THINGS GO WRONG QUOTES FUNNY

“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.” – Steven Wright

“I have learned that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – Scott Adams

“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know anything.” – Josh Billings

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams

“Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?” – George Carlin

“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.” – Unknown

“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray JOURNEY NEW BEGINNING QUOTES

“If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in a staff meeting – because, boy, does that hour feel like an eternity.” – Unknown

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown

“Life is like a roller coaster – full of ups and downs, and sometimes it makes you want to throw up.” – Unknown

“My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.” – Unknown

“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones – that’s why they are called cell phones.” – Unknown

“God created the world, everything else is made in China.” – Unknown

“I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.” – Unknown

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?” – Unknown

“Why do we press harder on remote control buttons when we know the batteries are dying?” – Unknown

“I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just in a committed relationship.” – Unknown

“If there’s no such thing as a stupid question, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?” – Unknown