“Behind every great husband is a woman rolling her eyes.”

“Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.”

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”

“My husband calls me his better half because he knows he’s only half as good as me.”

“Husbands are like wine – they take a long time to mature, and some turn into vinegar.”

“Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

“My husband is a great listener, as long as I’m not talking.”

“I asked my husband what he wants for his birthday. He said, ‘Nothing, just a lot of peace and quiet.’ So, I bought him a deafening silence.”

“My husband took me out for a romantic dinner. He ordered a steak, and I ordered a salad. Guess who got to eat half of my steak?”

“The secret to a happy marriage is a sense of humor…and a short-term memory.”

“I knew my husband was the one when I realized he’s the only person I’d be willing to suffocate with a pillow in his sleep.”

“If doing the dishes was an Olympic sport, my husband would definitely win gold…in avoiding it.”

“My husband and I have a great marriage. We go out together twice a week. He goes out on Mondays, and I go out on Fridays.”

“Marriage is a partnership. My husband brings home the bacon, and I fry it, serve it, and then clean up the mess.”

“My husband always wants the last word in an argument. Obviously, I let him have it. The last word is always, ‘I’m sorry.'” THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION QUOTES

“Marriage is like a game of chess. The queen should always protect the king, but the king should also know how to make his own moves.”

“My husband listens so well that it’s almost like he’s not even there.”

“My husband has two moods: hungry and angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s both.”

“Husbands are like fine wine – they give you a headache.”

“A great husband is hard to find, difficult to catch, and impossible to train.”

“My husband is like a fine wine, expensive and only brought out on special occasions.”

“If men were houseplants, my husband would be a cactus – prickly and requiring very little care.”

“My husband thinks I’m crazy, but I’m just the normal level of weird every woman should be.”

“Marriage is like a long drive with a GPS that keeps re-routing.”

“My husband’s favorite hobby is snoring. He could win a gold medal in it.”

“My husband’s idea of a balanced diet is a beer in each hand.”

“If my husband were a superhero, his superpower would be selective hearing.”

“The key to a happy marriage is keeping expectations low, and the liquor cabinet stocked.”

“Behind every successful man is a woman who had nothing to do with it.”