![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUnhGcDVGNXZwUjJsWHdQMjVUanl3ZGd2U2xiaXpHOW5qdE5PcjN3TWFna2xHdm1VbGxoLzdFTFRCR1pOR2ZOaWM4MTBoSGwwai9FYXpLUjFtQXN3VGVjcElybXJpemlwbWxuY0tLdUdrVEVvam5zVGZyb0lCV3FSWmErS0FUK0VRPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(5c1ddba23b850df035d83df314da378c).jpg)
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVm02elNLYW83akZyV0dLWVYrK3l1bzYvZExtdEJ3NDdWcGZTdThtU241NTRjOC9DUUU2S2tCSXlNZ2FEZnpnVDBnPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(0a78cced52ccb267e08b0616f258aa2d).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVUp0SjJRSUJ6b3R6YjA0bFYya0dZekgvb29JZCt0ODl6TXUzWjI3TmVEL2RwaENTRmVYUWtmNFRpZDVhSUZGaWVHYzhjTklydjl0WE9HOU1CczRCcnF2VDFHdm5pOVJoNDhZTzZVTTlqbmp5ekd5U2VsNW5rdXJFbFRQUGFKNzVFTGNVenQwQ2RlOTZwT05yR3RkL1hBPQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(810f1e15e2f000e31fb01a1e8b102d6f).jpg)
“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” – Jerry Seinfeld
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZGp6T09aRFByOTQ1K3hGWW5pemlUazdrcHZMcFdKamJvenZzQUN3TU94aldGQ2paYktmR2luUW5jRGtQdFRoeSswR2lpQXdNYlhlWi8wSXd1TDVIQlVTcnJEWU9mdDJwdzBRK3B4MExNSGc5TmlBa1pVYnd5ZjhveDl0L0EyZmJBPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(ebb0de21ed1d744d9423a9e3e4925799).jpg)
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDZzBGV295c3NOa3gwNlRMYkYvUXNzblJRdjNGYU9tVmZHVmtGS0RHMGtNb3ZRUGlEYXp0YmFGK1FRZ05mNHByREgxQnlodEkvbE5jRTlubnhvYU1xQ29YcHEzbW9BYkMyRW4yTUYyS0s5czhNOUhGbFFQZDRHbkUxVHBxaWd0NytRPQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(10d37d8599470abbc2e7ef9163d2dc0e).jpg)
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZUEyNlhwUUtxZVpWdmpxYW54SnNWVXV5U1owK291ME43UXUwd1R4WkcyT1kwaE9UQ2szZmVrRGswY3VtdVVYZ2xnL2pDbjA5dEhOUVhxZ1lPMHc1VmxWNVVwR0VQKzZxQ1RsWmhBNWdVK0s3aEpXUWhhd1BpcTZsb0RVOElmRy9zPQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(955b874360642a3545a650305224d679).jpg)
“I’m not a smart aleck, I’m just sarcastic beyond belief.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUU54c2Irb2F4U0hHOXlyV0M4dXgyZkZ2b2J2Q3ZpVDhEdkk1UDJicDJYZ1RYZytyT3lGSC9qS0dtSTQ2RS9yZUh6L1o5eEVHZWhkakkwOXk0UmtHc0NaTXZvT3drSVR1ZWVIckhMckJWa2VhZkhKS2lXNk56SUJ3YTdOSmQ5d3FRPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(22382b137f420eabab8bf286826ec92c).jpg)
“Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.” – Steve Wozniak
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z2EyemtBSmRuNTVXMENISklaaS80WFVxRGQxRndSeWtJeURKZ2VQSEhuWWNhNitxcFpjdGhsMUpBbUpSS0Q3c0J2Y1U0dmJIeXgvYU85K21IeUM1dUltdytNcXdFZUhjS0QwTUZyeitEY3FBPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(0e79bc5bdcf92d0f282d7f653eb8c469).jpg)
“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUU03R3E2MFpDekY4TnI1Nkg2N1JrQUhRL0IzWkhGYlhvMTRsS3dXbzFManN0d1pkdHdUUnlrQWFpTUNSQkZ6YzlRRmlKVEpBVldJOCtpQ0NZRkp3N2ZOQWNIcnp6NDc2MGVGdWpNaldTcW5RbzF5Y3ZLbzVJRnBFclJtWGNzTUlRPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(ad6cc203e8e908db3eb175bca122dbe6).jpg)
“I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V212VTg4WTNyTSttQzUwLzIwUFN1RGsyWlBXNE1Uak10RFJSYXFrWDBFb0VRPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(f217d861d33c20a57f9e4f17dd46ca37).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZVVha0ZRc0M1WmFyZXZiVFJaa3EvUER6QnFFaUJIdEwvMSswdXRYUVhpNExuemJxSGFrU1kwdlB6VGNLdmo1M29jTmh5VnFDKzRpd2pIczJEWWdvcDlBZ2FUdHZqMWhTaURWSzU4bDIzUVZnd3Y5b3dIUWhheWpaU2lDKzJRQWc2ZTE5VUd1TFVQWDVjQUlGQy91MjJjPQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(eb4fb1c18eb6ab93596d10d168d5aab5).jpg)
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUl6YmJBNU8xem5vY29vbHRMOFRTWTZWS0ZvOFh2M3dDYm9rNnBic2hrTUZPMG1kZmZNUGliM01Ed08wNDRwTGs3QzlhZ0FocnkwSkp4bEl1MkhhSHBwZlplUFJGUGUzTWQ4SDFNMzNRVzZqZ3lLTUJjc2pjMjJTNkJNcXZIZWtRPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(a283008de0b9b1a3484b3f097ff2d1a1).jpg)
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVThEbExPeHlOTEIyRkN3TzNBaTI3MnlaMGRXVU9IUUtlb1doU0ZSMlFNUmFncDd2V2NjaHpuMkM5Y2N4RFNHOVFnc2VQYno3QVloc1F3R3Jab0h5Sy94RWU3QWEreHFxMWgwVytQcUM1VnROMHQyMFFWSUNGRjk3ME1QWHJsY1AxYmpHMGErNnc2YzQxVkFoZXJMSkR1WVRDcVROOEVJeGdzWU82V0g5TGVIK1BOSGV2TDRIb2JpS0g1YmdlS0VTWT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(2c9e83eaddaf81e56c831c35f22ac0aa).jpg)
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaisyYS9qeE9RTVJONDdlbWtnZmRINE5zeTUrTFNGNlNVeUNucktlVlEyWFNNejZpbldmYTJPbEFvN3hJTUkybWJXQXVMVWl3N2cvQjhlNFNSa3ZnMDNTRXY3aWxqUjlkTlpyNTFEdWFpNXh6bXRmWjhqeGwrbUN4eUsrTHR2L3dZSllXejhjcklIb0tYZkNaMi9xSXZr/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(7b6460128a9a4d56d42d7895b7bb4299).jpg)
“The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.” – Mary Marsh
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3dXc0gxMG1lcDNaNG5SeVdETlVEVnFEUnpxbTZaZis4aEZRbEJSQVhSRWdVY1NhVE15T3RSS0o4T2EwODg5ZFBIdnFCaFBPWkxTSXhTTTFqS0Vma1BpL2J4b1VqZkFKNnltNndubFBiQVpkdi9BSWxLb0gvak9iRG1CSmdqbExPelZCYnpuL2J0YllnSzRUTVkwaURDbnhGdWZXOGQ5cm1XdGZHRjJDajJTOHdMdVhPZzVxWXV6SnNYR25UWDlWMTREbmI1akVLOXI1K29TUnprNEN6dG1qeXlNM21QMjhsOVpmWnRtWFlILw%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(81d6d3ccf61cb8ea31f40a5dd7a75ccb).jpg)
“I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, ‘Go ahead, knock yourself out.'” – Unknown BEST KEVIN MCCALLISTER QUOTES
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUWx2bjk0TytUTGd1VkVuY0N6QnAveXA2eUJlWGoxMVRuV2w4cWpva3Y1cGhKYTkzd3BXL3g1TTVCcG04U0VLNlVVa01vaUthNGNjZ1A5SjZNbXR5UFBUVlo1dEltNnQwdGJUd2kvNTVIVUhKZm1hVHFMOWR0cnJYQlJQeVRvcVRYclY3ckNUYzdtSGo5SzV5SEI3d1UwPQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(8aca8522b955224a4307dd289704b011).jpg)
“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUxYcnQveC9ic3RZZ2VOdEIzbWdFSVJoblY5QzlNM00ySTZ6ZXFCV0tlQlJIRHR3OVBDUW9VakFMOG15MmZFcjdXc0pKTFVZRzZpUzBuRDJRQzJpVGlHYXVmcXJpbFV0UVU0R2Uwc2JiRCtFQklYUWxLWjBSZ3NGRTlWSm8vdGtVR0xrMDNUMFB1OWoyWG1Yd1pVcm1WNXlWaCtUS1pXOEdiUmxRR2xWNUdz/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(ff770b46b5d762a6c64555404a01013b).jpg)
“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, just to be sure.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aEVFNGRwQUYxaEJTbmxhbEV0RFNGZEVyRUdlSyszbUhUTkp1U3JsbWNRNUIxT1FOM3k4MjVoTldUUHM4UWpybWZSaFdsNmpFeTRCOGpwRlg3YWZzMDUrTnRqQW1Mam9ta0JOcUpKbXFGaTVKQXpGNnFDaFlNdTA1aXczNGlzMy9GSjV3ZlgzeDN6bjMzOXllamZxUk1R/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(5e03b63daaaba5895dbb5a2516afbbfa).jpg)
“I don’t believe in astrology; I am a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU2VCNWdSTFRNbDU3bjFKS2tOM0NTb2ovM2R5ZENCV2NoRHcvVnZFYVdnUUp5ek1zck1wV3B6WWRLQVpZWGJtQ0NFaUQ5cUdYWXcrMVFwY3lmZmdJWVRnTkRvekl6Ri9kTE8zcDlXdzRRUm1sQkREbnpQQXh4TlhneDhlNjR3ODJWYytXenFXczBTRUlEK0JQeDM3NUZ1cVZ1dXh0UXpoaGpDUmVWZFRTWVlt/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(728fc2e0dbd1512943942ead9d41bc6c).jpg)
“The hardest part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just weird.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFeHVIelJ4blF3K1hQbkNtcmcxeWlWMzByNlRnZXU1by8vbjVMYkJ5Vko5aEtrM2orcEFKbkNYNG1RZ3Y1UE44WTI5K3JmSGJxWXgrZEdDU2xmdC9TY2pvUmhmQ2g5YTFZNGdyRUY0eC9NcHg5RU9zT2pCeWE4ci9rWHR2b3hGa1EwPQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(38ca1a4687638935d3d73b2f08612923).jpg)
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0p5cU1nc215NDc1M0h1aWYvOE50azdpK0dKU3VYbkx6bDZwZE5lc2hqVzVaWXVVcU9STi9CNi9ybUpXMlNZWFhTV0luZnZNbU1TbFZwVnNhMWZ1OHo4VVlXczAyZENidUZ3ZVlRZWRiYmJ6RUh3WDl5eEw4bWM5bTB1R2dtRUpSSTJUM3ZBWFQwcGxubUxVSVFjRGlJUmo5SDdoUkNxM0FRS3VOSExOaVZYd3VLMGVnTjlkYXdtWGlYMHZxM1RTYz0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(aa6c76e78fb06f65b6b2860f1f6099b9).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy. It’s just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs attack me, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUhtam5XalBwQTFwYWFjRGpFRlhMbmcxTU5ORUI1MFB0eS92cU5uQkRIMXJENW9MMjVPenhIV2lXdFBwSTQrTnRPR0ZPYVc1VC9tSW4zNHN4Um8yUHQwdGpTT2RxczVMWWIycTVyZkFCTHVTQUY0Szh2SFE4VVhuYXV5cW9OUFFVTlhza3djNWZJZ2xkU095b3dzeU13PQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(2f9d44429e703ad2fc93b4694c2c7f79).jpg)
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWW9tZkY4L29zWGw4RDJOcGhoakhZa2p0R2t3TVNKNGFUa1RYVjkrcmNjUTNDWTFpaDhYdUQzVnVvTGE4ZjdrSjU5Z2M2ZUp1cGREdWdPVkJvdHhqWXZPUWdMVVZLTEZDZXUrcDk2RzlpSDY%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(7ba47591d69b50607481721068dc8087).jpg)
“I put the ‘Pro’ in procrastination.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRWbmNJamdWWk5kdE1wNTlpMjRWUlJwQzF0cWlvTjJpQ3JPNUJRN00rNzBGOFZ2MWpDTFh3MFE2TUE0aU1udWRtYkNYUGEvenUwWUdNampuWkpKS0I3RkFOcFQ1QmpvMHJsTnMvZlRqcGQ%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(bafecb704ae8d8925c8aa019f0e594df).jpg)
“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NXNExFNjNiMWs5UDlKOVJyZlVUcjV5RFdPeXdiNUQwMnh5NXdNd1ZtVXloeG5DMXVhM1RaVnl3NjBvRVpEdmJxWlFNbEhVU2JoTDhrcWRGTzA1S1VYdVFXalR6RlhVS1dlNmZBcWJKUEVnMkZLd0JqSDRDWlFIZVZMK250d0ZxSC9udllQc1RWWklFL1U4YXErbGV3PQ%3D%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(4e23802fab3949f02cb7b1050653254d).jpg)
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z2EyemtBSmRuNTVXMENISklaaS80WFVxRGQxRndSeWtJeURKZ2VQSEhuWWNhNitxcFpjdGhsMUpBbUpSS0Q3c0J2Y1U0dmJIeXgvYU85K21IeUM1dUltdytNcXdFZUhjS0QwTUZyeitEY3FBPT0%3D/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(0e79bc5bdcf92d0f282d7f653eb8c469).jpg)
“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV01VVG8yK2dRZStNcGVhSnYzTGhWTlN3WmdQbWlBRWRTaE1OdjZ5c0tWMGdDVGIyY1N6Vkt0RTJITnIrQ1MvRzNRZEFPdThuWC9TaVFMaTRvUTB6b2xnVWFxNkJkT3NiZGNjNDRnem95S25Vd0xXcGVmdUhibitVQjcwa3RyOWtqQThrRzIxdGVvZldHYnhvbzBRTHlQUXVueGZmQW9rMUZjcjdiTkdjeVln/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(3d531aec342ce03eac3c1949b213b214).jpg)
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVkNwVWozblg4SElBZ0w2bzNUN3o2dmNXbm9mT1BmaXhQdmc4czZYZ3B2V1Fjd3RwTWZZWEJDbUdlYm1YZ0plN3RoYW03c1RmNm4vOVNVNFVwZzlRM3lrN2szZkEwZzkwRlkvNm02eWd3NTZSeWMvTXZKT3lIalBoY0pXTkdrbUROTjBuanpMOGx1aTB0aFB5K2NtQXVDNWJGeVFpWHcxZWkxcTJRRU1TWU92/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(1695e4ae9ef9fce0485b6ad56e6e0036).jpg)
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Unknown
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrV3diMkZvM2M4bTh5VDdhMmZHeTBWSTBkeHhQYlZZYnZ2MXVveG9EMXh6akJNbElVTG9qYVU0eENVaGRtVGtaU2VsTlRWZUJZUTVmYWdMTVpjN3RzUmN1bHlyYXBZeWFVeGZpejRmNlBWQXBkSkZ0UHpZb2lMc2x1SGRxRjZqa1ROZWhuTHB6K0VIYS9mRG8rdnBPU1Q3YldPeUZoak1LRFZyTjFJZngxZW1w/WWW+FUNNY+QUOTES+AND+SAYINGS/(3f9c3339db95ff7838721b51c09a41c5).jpg)
“My goal in life is to become as happy as a person in a pharmaceutical commercial.” – Unknown