![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVHU4NFZSQmExZGRkTXoya1RTMVRxbVlYZXVwTHY3c2tBaVhPWEh4ZXhtcnJQd29mZHpKUDB2NUJHeHIycFYxQVVnZTZyNHVZL2tMWFFjdElGblhKTy9hTzZVUHBHb3l6OUpNWjF2NEFuRUVZaXVRU0VyYkpvd3pLOG95aVZIcHNnPT0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(89ad52788210586110b267a1f5df92ce).jpg)
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZHlIR3BoYk1QRzNNK2VmVDNVZTRYZkxzcUF2Z2ZqZ1k5WDJ4M3VpQzFFd1lqMVkvSVRIaCs2bkVyTXR2UTg2VThmMzZad09wRmUyQ0owWlovNDhkQzYxQlg0c3p4eHlqbTRVMWN0Sk8zMDZpQmt1RHZzVHdsNE1hc1pOb2RPZzlzPQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7e271eeb28963ae94d2a21ae6d166735).jpg)
“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTNmY0VseGt2cUk5S1FMK3JzaWwrV2ExVmZBM1Q0QStqSXV4djJ3cjgvSi9BWTBzOWRzSDhsdTJ0eGk3WEl3N0toQ2l2Tm1LaUxWZnNnWGhPWWZ6aTBIVDZhVWFKZW8zekJPbkIrYUtZRVI%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(a5b5514c74f53dddef0db99d1590a198).jpg)
“It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjhWbE5IYUNBejNrL0N3czlwbFdYMXlRa2U3YVA0M25tZjNwTWYvTU9tWThka1dvZThzVnBBL3dHMGRXcllsUllseVlBTUovcTFGdXJtYnc2eVNjUlNNMlo2NnY3bmpheG9IUU1TTGhuNm1kWVlhby9NemJQWUVDRS9DaTdLQWQzRHcyVDhyNjJVTHB5aWdmbUd6b0d3PQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(586a3f91aa695057f6ccfb9d221cb059).jpg)
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZHJMUDZBcm9INDFsc0ZPVktQcm5Eckx2eWZpMVVwWUR6Q2luQ3pnNUh3TU81UnpOWUo2T093emF3OXVSem5mR1pnMmh4OHFIUVo3WDVaSTlEOGpwbkcwYjlCZEFDM2lraUxsQ3NraUo0WTBwUWtpcEFvNjB6cHlyaDhqOE1icVk3YnRRT1dBZGpPc01nblBxSTFMNVJIZmQ3ZTNZU1FKVWQ4a0YyTVN4RHBsQT09/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4d7f4961775f3cb13a6504a441fa73e4).jpg)
“I’m so bad at cooking, my wife makes Thanksgiving dinner for our family and the fire department comes to put out the oven.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUUxMdGludUlTUDAyd1pKbXd0bWt4WTZkZFVVdUdhN01XcXdna0EvbmpqenAzNjYyeVlmQit4Vkw4QjhVcUUyZXRmVmVDSFhrVWRvbHR3TUM0OGxNN3lUbUs4WUZNV20vWmNGMVkyTFdqZ1Z5SlhpOHplSk5raXVtVjMwb1E2ZHpzN0h1ckdoSko2bVgyYS9HL201c05uaVdhY0pHU3FWNzZRMHBwaEdhckVFcGwzZEE2OHRJZ3Y3VXU5bnEwRUc4T0FjY3lUNUxXd1MvTWYyU2tIUG5xYz0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(0f3fa594a9f30a2ae24f0fcbd66c3758).jpg)
“My wife and I have a perfect understanding – I don’t try to understand her, and she doesn’t try to understand me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFelVwUmVpcHFqdFQ0VkhpbGlvWkdlRk83RENramRNMGNXV3ZxU1oxRko5OUlLc3daUjZMWHhjUEVQRVFmdmhMWEwzMm9oUW83bE04L1dZWCt4cnc4SkgxZ3NUZC9GeXliaUhUWnBQOUgxdXdnPT0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(4f6402b0053c9e74017bab8abc4681c8).jpg)
“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…she hugged me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrY3NWMXU0dDVaMGgycDJsY3lhUWxGUUorSllMY3pQV3d2UFJTeEttOGFhMnBveEJuM2ZEdzcxRFZHKytRVkhHTjJhMWNza0hwc244eWlNbCs3MVVRaisxeThxOUNFdkhGV2Y3VjFOQU9OZ0pSTld1ek9oT2w4QnRFc1QzZkNjb05RPT0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(0c5116c0821f50a00cc0abc313aa33fd).jpg)
“I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZG9aUk9xcDVnQ05ESXdFajB1M0ZPWTF3MlI5MFUveFgzNXQ5OEc1NWM1SE5sVE5PMHhtNi9pSW5oSVpSMFYvanN5bUhvdzZXVWpSQk1WTFd1V0tJM1hmUFJ6Z29SY3U2cVdieGNoVWxuZmI%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(5f766ea45fa36cbf5925151fb66adfa1).jpg)
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVTNmY0VseGt2cUk5S1FMK3JzaWwrV3pISno5RHkrQVREMHFGTDFUTmhCd3I3NDBid2tMUHBuRkJzU0JDcktYdWRQS2NZZzdTWlhUVnEvOEZqVVhnNTRaRktqSUZTY1g3aXFnNThjY2xZWWdscGkwYWUxSlYrTTd4K01mT3ZxL1dBPT0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(196ef799cf66997c7e9cb5b51fd75aeb).jpg)
“It’s a wonderful day for stomping in puddles… puddles of vomit.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVS94ZkFXbzFWYWFZcGp1YUk3bSthN1FKUFo1WlpJeGRoS2hhOVZqZDNucGJGV2xrZkoydjBoaWQ1QUVSTlE2SzBlMitoTERhajlzQytmcy9UM3dTNmpEQXNsbjdKMXBLc2FQOGVsZHBZRWc0MzZGSGNlK3UwbFlwRmJEVHJ5cDJKakRlcm9WeXRWRGY4WnQyMy9KSEh5cWEwVCs2Skg1blA1K1dEQ0tDdlowMVlWTk5lYW9PK2Y3S0hUWkN2Z09GNE93T0ZVVHNZYTd6UUNqeEdxb2RYbz0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(ec30b40d47d16547499681a0e52e1ed1).jpg)
“Why do you want to be a millionaire? I just want to have enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZXZhMXBBckMrNE5URHFDQW1KYnF6YUJqWVVsUVhpZmVKeDBrbWVSOXFpZVFqQ0NuTmNzdG8ybU5ndDJVN1FmVTRDYzUrVk1XUVo4TVU1NXM5MVp2VDQ%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(c7abd1628746c1c424f810935f1f2995).jpg)
“I’m a vegetarian, except for when I’m hungry.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2anQ0aXNkSkFmUGRBbjlPWTVJenNlUEwxUHZ6V0p6RnMrdXBxYVFJSVdEY1pJcTFxUnFjZjRxeDNSTnBMd0xUdXV3YTROWkFRb2xCb1o1MkVsZ1N3YkNWcnBSUHA4emNQRmpUMUdpcTlScU9wQkcraEpkeXRLSmV1S3p0TnlTc1QzblQ1VUlHMm9LZjJGYWVkK2tFVWJFVFExYjlhckNxL2lmcVp6d25UOUZqZz09/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(be48ca697fc188277a70046bf1da7c0b).jpg)
“I don’t mind dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” FAMOUS QUOTES FROM CHRISTMAS VACATION
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZGFWMHFDVUU1bnJWdDZMVjFVbEEvbnphY2RRWktGeEh4SGVQaWhuc3NqODByYXczQVh6VE41Rmk4MDhUb09UbUNrOENaYnZ5S0l2cTdKRHcxOGNDQktOQmI1TXBGcFlHazJFcjJ2Q3V2QXNRPT0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(7c8d9456e027274bb3286b2aef0d6382).jpg)
“I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUU54c2Irb2F4U0hHOXlyV0M4dXgyZUVqeit2cGdCZFc2cXAyajNNcnNjVThNbjA1VEJFaWZkS01PZThkdW81NlhhN0pBbHVxWnhIL212eUhYdUdxY3FZY3hqcUVLaWFFY3BGaFlraFJzRWJWK0J0LzlHcmtJUU9ZN1A1R0xzeFU2RGorVEtUU25oZm0yemUza0R3K3ZnPQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(dc0b46f9758a9b1381e18edb6895742b).jpg)
“Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn’t try it on.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRYzZKbzJyMGc0a2k0Z2tIOWJIdmNsZS91aGVFaE9rQzV5Mm95Wkh2TEptc2ppUVZUZDdUMnRnUSsxWHpyZFZhSC9ZVFhIcnllOERtc2xsK1B6TTdBdEt5NkNvZ0F2TkdDbGlkQ3g4WUMvaW9nPT0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(b9ae0092d31f142516fadbcc16ef5479).jpg)
“I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVkNwVWozblg4SElBZ0w2bzNUN3o2dmNXbm9mT1BmaXhQdmc4czZYZ3B2V0VyNjRUUkhaZ0d3dVZEVFRIYzFOOUJWb1NveEc0bGlFcWhhOHNJR3FxUG9xTlZUdVowWi9JZXVjczM1SWpQYUQ1K0tlenlBNEJtT2R2b0ZlWXNsbkVBTnkzbzNxZHZpRERneUc2RVFaK3NZPQ%3D%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(b18b4eae8e1d338e12154655080368db).jpg)
“If at first, you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYnFoR3Y1U1VlQUhxeWxUMk9KNkNEcTVPb0ZlaVFXeGRUTlFCcmZCUEpRTGFabFJtOEN5emUzcE5QNytlV2hieGVBeW1uczdFRVRIOEZucEx4NVBXbjg9/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(267c9a38c9255210faf682e3a9d632cd).jpg)
“How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVVJkc0FkQlV3cEpxK2lSbjgyeXZFd3Bndlhwd3c1bXJxSVBPa2ZPOG5GaWJaczhodElzOUJVK3NwMWNvb2VmWTNnSFY2MUIrcFFMVDlFRGZvMnJQelVGMWpSRDdRTXRJdmc5ZTFac25FaW5nOHFja0tLd1BQVUQyM1ZpSUNMeWNybjNtQURyb0N3ZmhkYmNWN3ArR3JhNDZlS1NoZCt5M1JCbjhNV1pwUzJFdlZFUUpEYmxMYXM0K3JvNUdQdUxGQT09/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(6ce1ac437836f7fe23d796d9296329a7).jpg)
“I told my psychiatrist I keep hearing voices in my head, he said that is normal, you just have to ignore them, I ignored him.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUzBseWsxTitqbmhXUjF6ZzJ3R01CSUs2SVhFZTF1UU9WakdFUTgwbXY4cHBuUDlRQjFVSGQvbVhCemJaTVpoY3AveUtPbFdxWmFiLzJyaHpVdmJvcEcrc0xVR0ttcUNFelVLWE5iblh3NVk%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(1b9a5ff0a088d9995ab9c9eafb2d3362).jpg)
“A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aEVFNGRwQUYxaEJTbmxhbEV0RFNGZDByUEtYUXBHTEg4OG9PUXgvYWlueC8yRWJJR00xZXU2VlUva1dPTGJSTFk1bFhrcm1NYTViL3VZaUZBZ0UwNE4%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(329687fdd4b4033526d12e68318d68c6).jpg)
“I don’t believe in ghosts, but I do believe in you.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWFvbVlXYy8zNGthWUhZcUtJQzRiTlRadDJlUXJKenZ2OFhPWjFqMU41WTk1ajBWb3U0ZmNLMU5wVzE4YkNlUmc9/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(e602196b78c104eac12f647540b40c43).jpg)
“I’m a hero with coward’s legs.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZjVGRk5reXB6bDRjOXJnV2hLTlpQckNETXNHQ0liaDVTSmQ5Nnpjeml6TTQzbFNGMlBFWHdoTHVEcEs0USs4dFhyRllVYUVaSnFzbmg4UHd6a3haUW5ydEVLM0srTE1QeEtiOCtBVG1iY1dWVVREbmpPOG1xSlZKUm1MSTZtWnhKVHFvUTYvOThiS1BUa2hoWnVneEhmK2NhRlFQdlRKdUZuR1pQUEtyVGlFZXBFSTV5Nm5JUTVMeFVEbmM1c3RnYTh2Tmtlb1hISm5vQTVSYjJmVUF5az0%3D/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(445950a3260ef5e682e6238a58e1666e).jpg)
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZnlBcm1RaHJMcHhTdytSL3dqc0p2aEd0UXJaeXoxZWdqdW9SUGdMYUV5eStZMS9pb0FoTXhDSzJCNmhyOVRZWEE9/SPIKE+MILLIGAN+FUNNY+QUOTES/(13c27c7af9e207924c9976811a3367c8).jpg)
“I’m just a cosmic yob, I suppose.”