BENJAMIN FRANKLIN FUNNY QUOTES

“Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and socially distanced from his neighbors.”

“Lost time is never found again, unless you check behind the couch.”

“Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead. Or if you’re just really good at keeping secrets.”

“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety should ask for a refund.”

“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a ton of ice cream, and that’s pretty close.”

“An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”

“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I’ll check my phone halfway through.”

“The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”

“Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it. And I’m just here to eat a sandwich.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today, unless it involves wearing pants.”

“The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is a guy who just Googled a quote and now thinks he knows everything.”

“A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny found in the couch cushion is a jackpot.” GOOD WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH OVER EVIL QUOTES

“I didn’t fail the test; I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”

“Well done is better than well said, unless it involves making a sandwich. In that case, just do both.”

“Beware the hobby that eats.”

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves… Just kidding, it’s definitely pizza.”

“Never trust a man who has not a single redeeming vice… or at least a good sense of humor.”

“Happiness consists more in the small conveniences of pleasures that occur every day, like finding a 50% off sale.”

“He that can have patience can have what he will, except for good Wi-Fi. That’s just not happening.”

“Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75, because they’re trapped in a Netflix binge.”

“A house is not a home unless it has a Wi-Fi signal.”

“Strive to be the greatest version of yourself, unless you can be a pirate. Then, always be a pirate.”

“The only thing certain in life is death and taxes… and the fact that cats will judge you relentlessly.”

“We must all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all hang separately. Or at least, hangry until lunchtime.”