![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYk5WT04xdk5meFluVm5hWkpxY09TVFJkR3Vxc1dkajViWDA0VWsyRTVzU2JhMEk0Uk1oeXlBbFU1TXBOcHdybjZPQUl2S0Y2Sms1cUxnN0tvU3kxeGc2UnFEbEpHZ3NhNEIyMmFrdFFOMWpWaXgvckZPdFNGSVFkaVhabGhZNDJLZHVWWVkzY216VDg2RjNPbk9RaTIwZHJUeTR0UnBTVUJoL3h6V2plVFpD/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(298408d9c12d88b15de0f5443bbc50dd).jpg)
“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room? Exactly.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWHVkVWgvUmV5TzBINFJPZHB3QlBUdXUrKzVKTXBKZHBDNHJqSWV3OWhqdGM5U285eUZnc25BclptYXFsb3M3eEl3bjIySnZXdlJlSWdQQ0Vtelp3T2R1QWloVzFCVlBMVmJGZnFmT3JQaEw0dmduc1N1NGtaL2lybzFFVGZEallBPT0%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(7914e7add9461cf6bd08c4198360f2e8).jpg)
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZFViYU5MbGRVa0FNNWZuMTFUR2FFTlc1UkhKYU1DTU45d3pxRkFkSVp2eXVaMDBkN2R2akdKakVnckM0VUZNQkpNWkpENHpJTHJBMmViZ0hOTmFnOTJvbkp3MVdYRVNBYXFsWVk5R3V6TEZrNS9HeDhxeEVYMHdPbnN1aXFoM0ZZPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(517116fe6cdeff557215fad982e0ee0e).jpg)
“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me. The table and chairs are bullies too.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY052QVBTZlFMZzVhMXFDZWdxSFRBZnRrRGdkVGhOSC91OWZONkFOajlMVm02elNLYW83akZyV0dLWVYrK3l1bzdTQWl0Q2h1NE8vanVqTzJsb3hTZVo%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(d8c401eb8f2fc775c3819afcc0d7f3c3).jpg)
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU3dCMmRuR0w5dmNEQzJwa0s2NTE1OXZlbFU5Nkg0Um5uT3cxNEtWY3ErVStwZXpKanRjdlllV1MxU3BDTnVteTVXaHZOL3RzbHhlY2grc29BdmN6WStxbXQzN2NKWDI4dG1JM09WamVGNDI%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(6cb30680d8d2900fe31b2892e4fc2af1).jpg)
” My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWUxYcnQveC9ic3RZZ2VOdEIzbWdFSVJoblY5QzlNM00ySTZ6ZXFCV0tlQjdHOVZxb2hPQ1hDOVd6KytuZlREdk4xQ1cxREcvQU1Fa09yRTluWU9BaW5DL1lsRE9VK1YvaVdCcmJqUmZtK0IzRE1GTGNSMU42cjNNaFVtS2luYU9ZQlY4ZWpNL1ArRkt0dUZYOWdoRkVjPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(2d22fc341bf04ff74ba818839b6d752e).jpg)
“I never make the same mistake twice — I make it five or six times, just to be sure.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrU2Z4Rmo5ZjV4TDkwRWlWU01UQVBxNm52ZFRad3VCZXNiRTc1cVJZL1JLcjdoSXcyTitOQzcrV3BFa2huR0kwSFZNMDZHb3VXUzhCNGpYcFhZR2NtOUtMcENWbjRQQ1BLUmR2cU1UUGNyYThPblhybk0xK0YySkVjQ0JCckpYM0tPMTArcU96Wnhvc25iQnZMRUVOcDFNPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(e5fa82d5ca2fd7781ef52496f3a762d1).jpg)
“I should get a job cleaning mirrors; it’s something I can really see myself doing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYndLOFU2SlBFd09CTk1FMDBOZHpUNUlCdnVFNjhuQnFObmUyZXdGSkZOTzhuQWg0eWpvVDR0RXZRUGI3dXQwMnBkZ2I3cTU4QlNqV3FHTXYrZzd6Q2VMNGc1V1NiMnRoRFlKYzl1MWVOYnI%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(58b58eb398cad33e3e9396a3eb0f1c1c).jpg)
“My patience is as thin as my phone’s battery life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZWR4K2JneDQzbncwNWVnVERJNHk2M0dQWHA4ckNMSzVCTHhEVXVpYVMzYURlZWRMMUkyUlFxQXYxSmpTalQ3V2t1U3hKbXFENkZ4d1BDWE9nWllMVlo%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(d51e0e43006b0bdcbf1499fc2cb0ff02).jpg)
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZDEvYmFLUE16dW8yOHRWTG90V0RmRUM0QUR3WWlsSzA5bU5pSjM0b2l4NzRLaGNpbDIyYjk0QllpVVVQT0h3YVpnVEYzQkZ5bmJ6dVk4eFM3NjJZWlFTSmFHQlo5c2tIWXZhZnRGbERYcHR2SGMyMWNhbkgwemxyblhmK2JvaDU4PQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(f4af4fd077ab8a83437f44f4314c87c5).jpg)
“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a very committed relationship.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrUklIMnBqL2JpNFVqc0dRNFd0cWwxTWZ4TkpRTjVxT2NZWHcrNmpjcVhWRFk5Q21YT0xqcU9pdWlSUlFVYjhBakQ5cGhFaFlxeXR3ZEFad1pMdkdBaXdXdXM2TlVJc2M5TVpTRGIxY3h4MHg2NDVrMnA5d3Y1Z0RsNVJCaGtRZ0MwNm5kT3hiV2VQU2k5WWY2S2dodXJvPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(ee8be649590cd8164332860276ef68ed).jpg)
“If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted… wait, where was I going with this?”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZTE2Q3dWZTdleDh3NDJCaHlXU2YwMjF2SENhdnlNaVJRcHhpZFlmY2RDTVVkNXVmMEo2bUpUcVlWbHhwc0pqZ0RPWVFQWVlaZTNHY1NGMWpWdU1JNVdsaXQraElTaHRLUHpoNWNQelFZMk9RPT0%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(ab67f04b31e231356f68f55c2c197b94).jpg)
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the volume of my awesomeness.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRZnF5NFFiRWRXdGZKbEw5MFZNR2lmL2ZHbVc2WFRNV284aTJEZmdCYU9HMUN2WVRsc0Q5SEhSNXZrYVI5VTBVV0d1R1FoMGFyMmFQeHU2elNLaEFTOGFndXpzNXUxcEdCTVoxTU84eEhOUjQvcGZ4djJFSDg4Z3VzV3J1VDJwRTlTdVBrZHVxbWJFeHZQenorT2UzSktR/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(5d889c2dfffdb80ad7f95e5717294b05).jpg)
“I’m currently experiencing life at the rate of 15 WTFs per hour.” LAO TZU QUOTES ABOUT SELF
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZDYzU2JOeW9waUFYSEFsWEdudTdsdFpUa3JnTXZrckc3WTJCd25KMTVJdHFqd1Y0QThHdE9jSjVLSEQ1QjRWSkpMTDVWOVk4Qm4xZG9nakJyQ1h1elFLZFRnV2RpeUpGTzV4Q1lhNS92d0xOSlBkYnRjWlRsTDZRcjJEMHdocXFBPT0%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(85b3b4f3aacbbcd928b3cd8c4a0ddfa6).jpg)
“Despite my busy schedule, I always find time to do absolutely nothing.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrWW9tZkY4L29zWGw4RDJOcGhoakhZa295WGhIRWxXMTRLcTdzdkw2dUdjanNQZjVEM2ZiS0RJVFNxcDdjVFh3YjM4TVFtd1lmQnhtNWFjemlrek04N0U9/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(92d20d392cc5afbb0d666b598d3bb32c).jpg)
“I put the ‘fun’ in dysfunction.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZkJYSmgzZVh3S21nU25NN2VZWEZDaU1GZ3E2S0ZqSHFjZDIvRFhMQnNlR3gvOUw1ckFKMk4wQW55MVFBK00yVjkxNzdqRmdBcENVMXhYNWxMZGRnZHJrSXl6dUZQOWlyUzZmZ0dMY09wR0Q%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(bb5485d685020e3ae88092e77d7a360d).jpg)
“The only exercise I do is running out of patience.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2aVVrNmUxUFdZMG5Lb1VOK1hqcUYyWkRPbFdEaHVpOWtZNW03bzNvK2RrbldvQlZxc3NPajhiM2EzTjA2UHZhSFltTzVHSmZRMi9GSzFCYUo3dDIyYjdRZDErRmpmdGEvaUJPYnd0YVFTNDZnPT0%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(2af7ee3c2615564cda590e6cced100b7).jpg)
“I don’t need anger management, I just need people to stop annoying me.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0tOR21CT0FGNk45NWkyNHVIUXpOTUxmOHk2NXR6TnovcHFYY1QwMlhDRzAvbDlPdFl0MXYrUlhncFVEcVJCV2I2UTJCd2FwZnNFaXVWUGVKbVh0d2dmbjB0VU5DdHM4aW5KZXR5MW8rSHR3PT0%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(5bf46e17864289d3f05ecd8774d1e8ad).jpg)
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY3FzVTUvY2doanBqQ083d2VIREZBMGpVck1udUhvVGUvYWhDWk1OQzNuR0lWUWhZb2U0K3BRTkpaUEFYekQxZk09/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(cb2cfdca5f0333603ff887bf72c65e1f).jpg)
“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z3dubVFSa3pQYWtqV2h5RFh6WlpGZjNzdnVIU0VCcytENmpVd1VWMGVCTU51VkY4b1JyNkdwVnZ0YTNyTjdKYStQdVNZZElac1FDR3o2SlhTRHdxVTk2OUhmT0FkQ0dEd2I2Z3N5bVg4WjFnaDdnUDdvZjlkK3IxdXVqaStFNmFnPQ%3D%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(80d451213f47e4231d7324f33848d5d6).jpg)
“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVlVBR0tSbFJjVjBvQ0JqVllXd2dmelMwZlR5RExDOFVIWmR1VURGcytpMlV5d0l1ZUZ1bEdtUlk4YnpIeXJFazl5QnZveklBckNpamxkQVFsbU1aWnd2alRBbmtNd1J0cXlnQUlJaUVkSEg%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(c6b90ba288e8885fa4e9ced7eb01d648).jpg)
“The trouble with trouble is that it starts as fun.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrYisrRXl6TkNtcGljOCt4SjlKaGVMVFBLT000NzVLZldiVStzK3IxZkdlb2hOTVNobDRCVUF4WVBKaERjcE10T3JLNEZ0WktMRjU4VlcvZGl2K1Q5VnVKWXhDZ0F6cy94NGU4Rm04cnR1Mmg%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(6cc3b533358f6ed03796acc7b4dc97cd).jpg)
“I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrZHRmSmp0Q2ZWUnZGOUpMeTZGRzBRY0xvOHdDU1p0eGpkWjdkQ0d2dkZSMExLZUM4WFBqdjhWRE9aVVFEaUxZazNyYktRMVZJYnlPVVRCT0J3aTk2YnM9/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(a2e2c6b3b04b400e1dd5dfc58c1d537e).jpg)
“I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVXN0cHFIUk1KWCtGVk5oa2VxNG9vb1NqN2p5WXE3eVRWLzROTEw1UUxyK25hTjFlNW1IT0VRdEVIQkNsY3JXd0RyaHVWN3p4cE5lcW15SCtvY2Y0UVNUaC95R29la1R2SmJsckUyWW5OZnRBaXZoeVRCa2xCWDEySENZMTBtcVhRPT0%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(449a1b3ec4abfb21a1581dfce1464835).jpg)
“The best things in life are free, the second-best are very expensive.”
![](https://imi.abcradio.fm/quotes/preview/dTB4cGRsem5DcWlBMGVROWZJVXQrVDlvSTR1ZG41ZzFuMVpGVStXN3R2Z2EyemtBSmRuNTVXMENISklaaS80WFVxRGQxRndSeWtJeURKZ2VQSEhuWWNhNitxcFpjdGhsMUpBbUpSS0Q3c0NjS0VFVjRJSjhiVStkYkVwSHJrTUI%3D/FUNNY+SPICY+QUOTES/(cde0d89e90a97fdb83d9e23215f643bc).jpg)
“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”